you are at a very insane place right now.
everyone's story is different, but it helps to hear our stories and know we are not alone.
i never thought i would have to deal with this. my brother had bipolar disorder, diagnosed when he was 14. he completed suicide 2 weeks shy of his 25 birthday by hanging himself in his closet in my parents home. he had attempted suicide once before but i was still not prepared for it. it is not something you can understand until you have lived it.
it is a horrible nightmare that you should be waking up from. but it is not. this is your new reality. it will take awhile to sink in. i feel that i am just begginning to accept his death, to actually believe that he is dead and i am 6 months out. there are still people that i am very angry at. there are still songs i can not listen to. i still break down crying at traffic lights and doing the dishes.
i don't know how much about your brother's psychology you know, but it helps to find out as much as you can. you will feel driven to track down his final days and hours. allow yourself to wonder as much as you need to, to ask why until you are satisfied with the answers, or at least find peace with whatever answers you can get.
it is a hard hard hard road you have to travel. you are now a suicide survivor.
here is what has helped me:
the first 2 weeks or so, i was just on autopilot and for a few days i could barely get out of bed.
i found a good grief counsler. she specializes in suicide, so i would really recomend a grief counsler, and if you can find one who knows about suicide, go to them
i found a suicide survivor support group. it has been the greatest help to me. honestly, the only people who truly understand how soul crushing this is, how your heart has been shattered are people who have lost a loved one to suicide.
read everything you can get your hands on.
some very helpful books have been:
dying to be free, by beverly cobain.
a special scar ( i don't remember the author, but this one was the best i read)
there are a lot of books out there, and reading helped me understand that my brother Jay suffered a horrible horrible illness that killed him. he had a brain attack. he suffered from a total psychotic split from reality. i tell people he died from bi-polar disorder. and when they ask what i mean, i tell them that he took his life due to his crushing depression caused by bipolar disorder.
another thing that helped me was keeping a journal, writing everything down.
and yet another was to find online support groups. i was able to vent a lot of my anger about his girlfriend and their relationship that i couldn't do IRL. it is all anonymous, so you can really vent your feelings and not worry about upsetting other people.
i am so very sorry for your loss. please, once you can catch your breath, after the funeral, or as soon as you can, find a counsler.
there are 36,000 suicides a year. one every 15 minutes, almost twice the number of suicides in a year as there are homicides. and the rate is rising.
i am so sorry and feel free to pm if you need to
theia i am so very deeply sorry for the loss of your brother. 
acting distraught and crying into our voicemails about how he was a good friend to my brother! We are getting the police involved because details have come forward that don't make sense. WIll provide more later. Just keep praying for us all. Thanks mama's
for Ed and 
