weird gut/intuition feelings about upcoming birth

[QuestionGal]

okay, admittedly this is probably a bit on the weird side but I have to verbalize it.

We've chosen to have a homebirth and are proceeding with that plan. BUT I can't shake the feeling that it's just not going to happen. Specifically I feel like instead I'm going to have a planned c-section. Surprisingly I'm not that upset about the idea, but I can't figure out where this is coming from.

With DS's birth I had no doubt that we'd go to the birthcenter and I *knew* that if I'd had a hospital birth it'd end in a c-section. I was terrified of having to go to a hospital. I was completely correct about my "gut feeling" in that I pushed for 3 1/2 hours and he ended up having shoulder dystocia. EVERY single medical professional who's heard the entire story has said "if you'd been at my hospital you would've had a c-section" (So I feel like my instinct was validated).

With this baby I just have this feeling that something's going to come up towards the end of the pregnancy (not necessarily in labor, but maybe) that will necessitate a c-section. We've already done the 20 week anatomy scan and everything came back fine. I'm concerned about transverse positioning or some other medical complication. I'm finding myself running through different scenarios with a "what would you do" approach. I'm no longer freaked out about the idea of a hospital birth OR a c-section but I feel like I need to research which hospital I'd prefer to go to.

I have no idea if I need to pay attention to these feelings or if it's normal pregnancy fears. Especially since so far, with both kids my instinct has been completely accurate in regards to 1) being pregnant, 2) gender, 3) DS's birth experience, and 4)an early miscarriage (knew once I saw the BFP that it wouldn't "last")

There's also a part of me that is stalling on birth preparations...I just feel like "let's wait and see if we *really* need to do XYZ" because I'm afraid to 1) spend the $ if its not going to be used and 2) get too attached to the homebirth plan.

I thought having the anatomy scan would either confirm or relieve my fears but neither has happened. I briefly tried to talk to my midwife about part of my fears when talking about transferring but don't think I verbalized it very well, it just sounds so silly and panicky. I've talked about it with my husband but he didn't have much of a response (I think I freaked him out and not knowing what to say he said nothing).

So I need to hear from other moms...did you really have these STRONG instinctual/gut feelings about your impending birth (Home, center or hospital)? What did you do? What happened? Is this something I should follow up on or dismiss as pregnancy anxiety?

ETA: wanted to make it clear I'm weirdly "at peace" with the idea of a c-section. a complete 180 from my first pregnancy and am not upset or sad or panicky at the idea of one... I'm not afraid that I won't have a homebirth, I actually feel really calm and matter of fact "it's just not going to happen" and I have NO idea where this feeling is coming from.

[WifeofAnt]

If I had to guess I'd say I'm not going to have this baby before his due date. DH is worried I will (he'll be in training up until immediately before) but I'm not concerned. In my heart there's no way this baby is going to show up without Daddy.

[Gray's Mommy]

I don't think it is strange at all. I, personally, had horrible dreams during my last pregnancy and they all were concerning the birth. I only had one really "good" dream about it. We planned our second homebirth & ended up with a transfer and a cesarean birth...similar fashion to my dreams.

If you feel the need to have a back up plan, then make it & go & see the hospital, etc. It may help to ease your fears and get a good back up OB. I was using a CPM without a backup OB & got the on call OB...she wasn't a super friendly person to a walk-in patient.

This was kind of a negative response, but if I had to do it over again, I would have done the above to make the transfer more pleasant--if that makes any sense. I still would have another homebirth, but with a better plan.

[moonjunio]

Being at peace with both options is a great mindset to be in. That way you can be happy with either result! Prepare for both, if you have time and inclination. My question is whether this intuition will freak you out if everything actually goes normally and you do start labor for a homebirth. Preparing and obsessing are different, so be in the moment, whatever happens :-)

[shells_n_cheese]

With my 2nd pregnancy, also a homebirth, I had some negative feelings on and off throughout the pregnancy, and right before the birth. I just felt the pregnancy was "risky"... it's hard to find a word to describe it adequately. At times, I had this nagging feeling that my daughter might not make it. And these thoughts scared the you-know-what out of me.

I remember laying in bed one night -- I believe just a few days before labor began -- and thought to myself, "I have this feeling she is not supposed to make it through birth." It scared me. Where the heck were these thoughts/feelings coming from?!? I had NONE of this whatsoever during my first pregnancy--and that was my 1st and I was overly anxious about this and that like the typical FTM.

Well, we had a shoulder dystocia. DD was stuck for 4 minutes. Needed CPR. We transferred. It was terrifying and traumatic. She is okay now, and her shoulder that was injured during the birth has totally healed. To this day, I can't help but think we came this close to a much worse outcome.

No idea if the "feelings" I had were related, or if it was just a coincidence. I don't know if it means your feelings are correct, either. I am glad you are at peace with a c/s birth, if that's what does happen. You never know, and it;s good to be as prepared as possible.

[justKate]

I agree with moonjunio. If you can be at peace with both, that is best. And if you have the time and energy to prepare for both scenarios, and if it will help put you at rest, then go for it.

I didn't have a lot of specific feelings during my pregnancy, but as soon as labor started I knew something wasn't right. It was almost like DD was telling me that something just wasn't working. 30 hrs. of back labor, full dilation, DD just. would. not. descend. Then fetal distress. Then emergen-c-section. Turns out she was wrapped twice in her cord, around the torso and neck.

I hope your feeling is just nervousness or some left over energy from your DS' birth. Either way, all we can do is our best, right? Best wishes for your home birth.

[CherryBomb]

I've had a lot of feelings about this birth that I didn't have with the others. I keep feeling like my water is going to break prior to labor starting, and that I'll go before my edd (my doula and I have both felt like it will be tomorrow!) It's hard to tell what's intuition and what's wishful thinking or daydreaming. But it doesn't hurt to have a backup plan and be prepared if you're having strong feelings about something.

FWIW, during my vba2c pregnancy I felt like another c/s was inevitable and I was just putting on a show or something, but it ended up going off nearly perfectly! And during my pregnancy where my dd2 had a massive prenatal stroke, I never had any intuitive feeling that anything was wrong with her. So, who knows

[LemonPie]

Yes, I did with my last. I planned to have a home birth but just had a bad feeling about the whole thing. So I opted to go with my family practitioner who was very on board with NCB and deliver in the hospital.

During the whole pregnancy, I had a feeling I would end up with a c-section. In fact, I kept telling DH things: "Just in case I have a c-section, make them stitch me up." "Don't let anyone but the necessary medical personnel hold her before I do." "Go to the nursery with the baby stay with her until I can see her." etc etc etc. (and FTR, he did them all--even some I had forgotten that I told him, LOL)

Long story short, I ended up having a very emergent c-section for a placental abruption. I had no risk factors for it, knew nothing about it ahead of time. My water broke at 38 weeks, and I started hemorrhaging. Looking back, I can see that I had some symptoms in the week or two before I delivered, but they were minor and all things I attributed to "late pregnancy discomfort"--nothing I even thought to ask the doc about. Thankfully baby and I are both fine. In fact she turned 2 last month

[Stacymom]

I could have written your post- I'm in an almost identical situation. I had a great homebirth almost two years ago, I'm a doula and have attended lots of fantastic homebirths. So when I got pregnant again, I just went forward planning another homebirth. Problem is, I've felt unsettled the whole pregnancy. Never felt like the midwife was a good fit, never able to visualize a homebirth, etc. I kept stuffing it into the back of my mind until my dh brought it up, and told me that he had had strong feelings all through the pregnancy that we were going to end up in the hospital.

To make a really long story short, I met with a hospital based midwfe who is great- very respectful, well known for being an advocate for her patients- who delivers at a relatively small hospital about 15 minutes from me. After meeting with her, it felt like all the weight was lifted off my shoulders.

So, after one hospital birth, one car birth on the freeway, and one homebirth, we're headed back to the hospital. It's a very strange place to be in, but it feels right. So for now, we're going forward, and hoping that we've made the right decision.

[OkiMom]

With my first I knew before she was born that it will be a girl and what her name was going to be. I even knew she would be born in Jan. I found out I was pregnant a week later (almost passed out at a formation-military- and just knew, confirmed it with a test that night). DD1 was born Jan 29 after being told I would never have my baby without an induction because I wasn't dialating/effacing in late pregnancy.
Second, the whole pregnancy I had these feeling I wouldn't make it to the hospital. I would have the baby in the bathroom at our apartment. DD2 was born while I was sitting on the toilet with no one else around. I caught her myself, it was awesome. I also had this weird feeling she would end up in the NICU for a period of time. Made no sense the two together but yea later it did.
This time I can't shake the fact DH won't be there for the birth. No idea why I just keep thinking he won't be here, have had dreams about it etc.. Just found out there might be training over that time frame and he might not be here..
Both miscarriages I had I knew from the beginning they weren't going to last. My first I was in tears begging DH not to tell anyone. Of course he did anyway.

Sometimes I think our intuition is trying to prepare us. With my first I had everyone pressuring me that it was a boy. It got bad, especially at the end even with 3 ultrasounds saying girl. If I hadn't known it was a girl it might have caused problems with me bonding (sounds bad but yea). Second if I hadn't had the nagging feeling about having the baby at home I dont' think I would have been that calm and collected about it. This time theres a LOT of things I would have to prepare if DH isn't here that i wouldn't have to worry about otherwise. I don't live near family so I need to find someone to watch my girls (at least 48 hours, maybe longer DD2 was in the NICU for 6 days), someone to take me to the hospital, someone to be labor support, a housekeeper for afterwards, extra meals etc.

[blissful_maia]

With my third pregnancy/babe, from very early on (first trimester), every time I visualized my birth it was an unattended birth with a shoulder dystocia. Not sure why, as I had birthed two large babies with no issues before him, but I couldn't shake the image. We had considered having a UC, but because if the strong shoulder dystocia "vibes" we hired midwives. I mentioned it to my midwives several times prenatally, and we sort of casually chatted about it. Towards the end of my pregnancy, the feelings got stronger/more urgent.

Well, guess what? I had a 21 minute labor and an unattended birth with a two-minute shoulder dystocia. (My son was fine in the end, though I cringe to think what may have happened if I weren't able to coach my husband through the manoeuvres to free him). Not sure how my fear/worry played into or caused this complication, but I dealt with a lot of feelings of not being heard by my midwives, although I suppose there's not much they could have changed with such a fast birth. Now, when "my" mamas (I'm a midwife) talk to me about weird visions or their intuition, I really try to play close attention and delve into it a bit deeper.

[lunarlady]

With DD2, I kept thinking we wouldn't be together after the birth. I was terrified of stillbirth. She was fine, born at home, but I had a massive PPH and emergency hospital transfer. So it wasn't her, it was me! Thank G for modern medicine and blood transfusions or I wouldn't be here.

I say listen to your inner voice and get shadow care from an OB. It helps smooth things if you do end up in the hospital.