How many times do u have to ask ur toddler to do something

[Neera]

Our toddler is a few months away from being 4. It takes me at least 10 or more times to get her to do anything. Some times when we r getting late, like lunch time today, when we were meeting up with dh, I start screaming. Is this normal? I know she is actually trying to get me to get mad by humming away to herself while it feels like I am talking to the walls. I'm convinced I have a real difficult toddler at hand. She started her tantrums early and I know of toddlers that dont' have the terrible threes. But ours is way into the third year and the tantrums seem like they are only increasing.

[pbjmama]

My 4 year old needs alot of assistant with get-ready type tasks. For example, I help him dress almost every day. He can do it himself but he doesn't do it himself in a time frame that is acceptable to me. He is just really laid back. Never in a hurry, nothing will motivate him. He gets really involved in his tasks, if I ask him to stop what he is doing he does not. I have to get in front of him and make eye contact to talk to him alot. Not because he can't hear or has some other issue. He is really that focused.

On the other hand, his 2 yo sister does dress herself every day and if I offer help she says 'NO, I DO IT". If I offer that her shirt might be on backwards she says, I like it that way. If you wear a sweater today you will be hot, I like to be hot. Okay. But, my 4 yo is a stonewall kid - if corrected he will collapse in a heap and just be crushed. My 2 yo is the tantrum queen.

So what has helped him with motivation is a chart, a system. Every day here are the things we need to do to get ready. Every night here are the things to do before we go to bed. I used stickers on the chart for awhile. Now that he has the system down I don't use the stickers but sometimes refer to the chart if we are getting off track.

Another thing I do is count to 10. Here are 2 shirts, which one do you want to wear. No answer. Okay, you have until the count of 10 to decide or mom will choose for you. Time to get in the car. No response. I'm going to count to 10 and you can get in yourself or I will help you get in.

I kind of rambled here but maybe something will help you!

[just_lily]

Between one and infinity times.


Totally normal. And crazy making.

[saimeiyu]

I generally only tell my 3 y/o twice, then say, "I'm going to count to three" and start counting.

If I get to three, I go over there and do whatever it is myself, and tell her that if she doesn't do what I ask, I'm going to do it myself, and she's not going to like it. Meaning, if I tell her to get her own clothes on, she can pick them out if she does it herself. If I have to get her clothes on, I'm going to pick them, and she will have to wear them, like it or not. Same with stuff when we're out and about. I say "get over here" and if I have to get to three, she goes into the cart (or carried), like it or not.

I generally don't get past 2 before she starts complying. I give her a little bit to catch up and get with the program, like if she STARTs but doesn't finish, she gets a reprieve.

If the issue is that she isn't STOPPING something, I will physically pick her up and hold her on my lap till she calms down, or sit her on the stairs for a time out, or something similar. Generally, I hold her on my lap and hug her. It keeps me from getting angry enough to yell at her or do something I'd regret, like hit her. At the same time, she does have a few sensory issues that seem to get better by the "deep pressure" sensation of hugging her firmly on my lap. Sometimes she squirms and cries a little and I just hold her till she's calm. It doesn't take more than a few seconds.

[JBaxter]

It gets worse as they become teens... Some days its really good other days it seems mine have/had the attention of a gnat.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

It gets worse as they become teens... Some days its really good other days it seems mine have/had the attention of a gnat.

I do have to look at the lighter side of things. As our upcoming move gets closer I find myself getting more and more stressed. I guess it's me and she's just being who she is -- a bit of a brat.

[Baby_Cakes]

Before even reading the responses, just looking at the title I was going to answer at least a million!

No but seriously, normal. Unfortunately. This too shall pass.

[butterfly_mommy]

Yep about a million

I try to give us tons of time, it is the worst when we are on a deadline as I get triggered and then turn into yelling mom So if I know we need to be out the door at 12:30 I start asking DS to get ready at 11:30 or earlier.

One thing I find helps is if I physically touch DS, like a hand on the shoulder to get his attention. Then I make sure he is looking at me before I ask him to do something.

I read somewhere that toddlers are not actually trying to ignore you they are just so caught up in their own thing that they can't even hear you. That is why making a physical connection can sometimes help.

[swd12422]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

It gets worse as they become teens... Some days its really good other days it seems mine have/had the attention of a gnat.

Fan-FREAKIN-tastic

I generally start counting. I know for a 2-year-old he needs more than three chances to even hear my voice sometimes, but I have zero patience and try my best to avoid ending up screaming (which is exactly where it would normally go). So I ask him to do something and he doesn't hear me. I repeat myself and add, "That's one." When he doesn't respond, I repeat again and say, "That's two." That usually does it. If we get to three with no response at all, I just go ahead and do whatever for him, and if he doesn't like it he can be the one to scream and yell. He doesn't tend towards tantrums, though, so it's really not a big deal. I think if he freaked out a lot maybe this wouldn't work so well, but he usually lets me know he's upset, and I let him know that I asked three times and if he wanted to do it himself he should have while he had the chance.

[PatchChild]

I find that a lot of it comes down to how I ask. I HAVE to get DS's attention and full focus before I ask him to do anything. If he's still playing, I know he's not going to remember that I just asked him something.

From there, I need to ask him to do just one step at a time. Multiple steps just aren't a good plan unless I have a lot of free time.

[St. Margaret]

If it doesn't work right away, then I get her attention differently-- get down right by her, use a different voice, etc. A lot of the time phsyical presence helps. But if she's totally goofing off and driving us crazy, wasting our time as we try to help her with something, we just warn we'll be done and go do our stuff, and when we start to go, then she freaks out and complies. Real nice all around, but it's gradually becoming that the warning gets through to her. She's 3, btw.