how to transition without breaking my daughters heart

[KellyandKatie]

my daughter loves her school, but I think it is best that we transition over to homeschooling

she is going to hate me (she is in first grade)

I thought about slowly transitioning so she could be enjoying it before I came out with the big bomb and told her she was done with school

but that feels like not being honest

she is going to be so upset, and I already hurt for her hurt

argg any suggestions?

[midnightwriter]

Are there any activities that she likes that are available only during school hours? What about starting one, that is better to do early in the day? (Like letterboxing or geocashing?)

It is better to have a deschooling period after leaving school, at least for most children. What about starting fun project during her school break, not necessarily 'educational' that require several weeks, and just keep involved in those projects and activities as the school gets back.

[KellyandKatie]

that is what I was thinking too
if i just said, 'today is your last day of school - and said we were homeschooling' she would be crushed
but I think if I just started by 'today we are doing this instead of going to school'
maybe it would not be as sad for her

[yippityskippity]

Is finishing out this school year a possibility? Maybe between now and when you pull her out, you could help her meet some other homeschooled children. Let her take lots of days off from PS to go on fun park days and field trips with other HS'ers.

[Lillian J]

It really feels to me that it would be much better to let her finish out the year and then connect with other homeschooling families and friends before starting out the next year in homeschooling. Lillian

[midnightwriter]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

It really feels to me that it would be much better to let her finish out the year and then connect with other homeschooling families and friends before starting out the next year in homeschooling. Lillian

I think a year is an awfully long time to wait.

I'd start introducing homeschooling as an attractive option. You are in a museum and it is crowded? Too bad you aren't homeschooling, you'd be able to get here in the mornings instead of school.

You need to go to bed early on a weekday? Too bad we can't just run out and watch a late movie. We could've, if we homeschooled.

The weather is beautiful outside. We could've gone to the beach today, if you weren't in school. Raining hard in the morning? we could have cuddled in bed and had hot chocolate later, "school work" can wait.

By Christmas she could be looking forward to lazy winter mornings.

You didn't tell us why she loves school. You can bring many of those elements to your home environment.

Good luck with the transition!

[phathui5]

I wouldn't wait out the school year unless you want to. It's only September now, so this school year is just starting.

What I would recommend is looking for local homeschooling groups and taking her to meet some other homeschooled children. Then plan some fun field trips to take her on and invite the other families along.

You can sell her on homeschooling if it's what you've decided is going to happen.

[Lillian J]

I could go on and on and on about all the reasons my son hated 1st grade, and I've always wished I'd pulled him out that first month instead of waiting to figure out what to do next. I didn't know much about homeschooling yet, so I didn't see any options - but he would have loved homeschooling that year! When a child is miserable in school, I think even a week is too long to wait to get him out. But when a child loves school, I think it would be pretty awful and hard for her to understand if she's pulled out, unless there's something clearly harmful going on. So it's hard for me to understand what the pressing advantage would be. I'd just be sure to think very carefully about whether it's really all that necessary to do it this year.
- Lillian

[MrsJewelsRae]

I'd pull her now too, she's likely just get more attached socially if you wait it out, but that's just me. Plus I love this age, they are so much fun and learning so fast! I'd focus a lot on how much time the two of you will get to spend together doing all sorts of fun activities. Don't focus on "you're not going to school anymore" but rather what you'll be doing instead. Get in touch with a homeschool group immediately and get her involved. Assure her she doesn't have to break off friendships from school. Personally, I'd consider not even telling her you're pulling her from school. Perhaps saying "we're not going to school today, I thought we'd have fun at the beach/park, picnic, zoo, baking" etc and be totally pumped about it. Do this type of stuff, lots of snuggling and reading books together with hot chocolate or out on the lawn on a blanket, play dates, new exciting opportunities only found outside of school- and then after a couple weeks of this maybe ask her if she still prefers public school. Whatever you do, take it slow and don't jump into "school at home" or she may well hate it. Add in "school work" very slowly, this age has a TON of wiggle room, they still learn so much through play. Celebrate this time, go out together and buy supplies- markers, chalk, paints, craft stuff. Ultimately, this is your decision to make, she is a young child, she will not hate you, she's going to love having you all to herself all day, especially if you make it fun, save the workbooks for a while and go adventuring with maps, peoples, history, etc. Good luck! Let us know how it goes, okay?

[midnightwriter]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

I could go on and on and on about all the reasons my son hated 1st grade, and I've always wished I'd pulled him out that first month instead of waiting to figure out what to do next. I didn't know much about homeschooling yet, so I didn't see any options - but he would have loved homeschooling that year! When a child is miserable in school, I think even a week is too long to wait to get him out. But when a child loves school, I think it would be pretty awful and hard for her to understand if she's pulled out, unless there's something clearly harmful going on. So it's hard for me to understand what the pressing advantage would be. I'd just be sure to think very carefully about whether it's really all that necessary to do it this year.
- Lillian

I believe that the longer a child is in the system, the longer and potentially more difficult deschooling would be. An institutionalised approach to learning might be quite detrimental to some children and their natural love for learning and curiosity. A child might "love" school, but not thrive there emotionally or academically, if we look at the situation long term.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by midnightwriter

I believe that the longer a child is in the system, the longer and potentially more difficult deschooling would be. An institutionalised approach to learning might be quite detrimental to some children and their natural love for learning and curiosity. A child might "love" school, but not thrive there emotionally or academically, if we look at the situation long term.

I agree that this can happen. I've just seen it to be unlikely in cases where children really do love school, especially for such a short time, because that often means they're enjoying what's going on in the classroom as well. But only the OP knows all the circumstances, so that's why I said, "unless there's something clearly harmful going on." But I'm not as anti-school as a lot of homeschoolers - it certainly didn't work for us, and I've known an awful lot of very happy homeschoolers over the years, but I've seen some children do perfectly well with school. I can get into rants with the best of them about the virtues of homeschooling vs. school, but I still think there are plenty of exceptions. Lillian

[OkiMom]

Is there a break mid semester? My elementry school use to have a weeklong break in October, if there is Id wait until then and then pull her. Give her time to warm up to the idea. If not then go with your gut. You know your child better than the rest of us.

Could you keep her home for a week and do fun activities then drop the bomb so to say. That way she can see she will have fun at home and maybe it won't be so bad for her, especially if you can find other homeschool children around her age.

[prettypixels]

Why are you pulling her from school if she loves it so much?

[jeteaa]

We just transitioned from hsing to 1st grade ps. When I was enrolling her the priciple mentioned that the school will work w/ families who want to hs pt and school pt. A student could just attend the electives such as music, pe, art.... I assume your reasons for taking her out are academic in nature, so if you do pt ps/pt school your dd might have the best of both worlds...

[moominmamma]

I think homeschooling would be really difficult if the child was not on-board -- particularly if she was blind-sided by the decision made on her behalf. I can't imagine starting to homeschool a child who doesn't want to be homeschooled. I think you may be setting yourselves up for failure. IMO it would be far better to spend some time gradually convincing her of the advantages of homeschooling, getting her on-board before you pull her.

If you intend to pull her from school against her will I think you need to have very compelling reasons to do so, and you need to be able to explain your reasons to her in a way that she will understand. Even if she doesn't agree, she needs to understand why you have made this choice against her will. And you need to give her honest fair warning and enough transition time that she can get a sense of closure on her school experience.

Miranda

[Tassy]

1st grade you can convince them of a lot! Pull her out of school and go to Disney for petes sake!!! Have a Not back to school party! Spend the first month at least planning a super cool thing to do every day (fun hikes, special cuddling library time, popcorn documentary time at home in bed, lots of field trips, baking activities, art projects. Don't start with repilicatng "school" just enjoy life together...especially at that age...the schooling part can come later. That will really help your transition. If you have decided to homeschool, it seems silly to wait a whole year to transition. Look for the book Deschooling Gently to help you transition.....

GL!!!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

When a child is miserable in school, I think even a week is too long to wait to get him out. But when a child loves school, I think it would be pretty awful and hard for her to understand if she's pulled out, unless there's something clearly harmful going on.

I agree with this post. It's far easier for kids to believe and trust us when we make a plan and stick with it until it isn't working or something has changed.

One month ago you though school was fine, she's happy (and most likely has friends there) why do you suddenly want to pull her out?

You are going to have to explain it to her, and she is going to have to explain it to others, so you need to have a very solid reason she can understand.

(We've homeschooled and schooled, and I personally believe that either one can be great and either one can more horrible, and that switching back and forth can be difficult for kids).

[Heavenly]

Why in the world are you pulling her out??? You said she is doing well there and she loves it. Are you pulling out for her or for you???

[midnightwriter]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Why in the world are you pulling her out??? You said she is doing well there and she loves it. Are you pulling out for her or for you???

When a mom puts her otherwise happy at home child into school, admitting that the reason is her own sanity, such decisions aren't questioned as much. ETA: Even when the child is crying at separation and begs not to go.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by midnightwriter

When a mom puts her otherwise happy at home child into school, admitting that the reason is her own sanity, such decisions aren't questioned as much.

This isn't just a kid who is happy in school, though. It's a kid who, her mom thinks, will be "heartbroken" over being removed from school.

Miranda