Frustrated Ambition

[Surfacing]

Hello Mamas, haven't been here in awhile, it's been crazy hectic with the three kiddos and running around for activities, playdates, and school etc.

I am 10 weeks postpartum (? he was born July 20) and am back to the full swing of super mom and all that stuff. Recently I saw my doula trainer and am renewing my efforts to complete my doula certification with DONA (but will attend births once baby gets a lot bigger though).

I really want to become a midwife. It's going to take a long time to save up the money for me to be off for school. I know we can do it, but I want to go to school NOW!

Ugh, wish I could write more but the kiddos need me. Anybody else with frustrated ambitions? TIA

[expat-mama]

I hear you Surfacing- BIG hugs. Is midwife school expensive in Canada?
It's nice that you are so driven though with such a clear goal...I wish I had that.

For a couple of years my biggest ambition was to become a mom, now here I am! I'm newly frustrated with being a mom, not because it's not what I thought it would be or I don't love it but because I can't do all the things I imagined myself doing as a mom because of where we live (here in the UAE). It's hot ALL the time, I don't have my international driver's license yet, I don't really have any friends here, no family here and DH is super busy and stressed with work. I love my son and I love being his mom but I feel cheated out of the mom-life that I always pictured- I'm stuck at home way too much (can't drive), can't do much outside (too hot), there aren't things lots of things like public libraries or children's museums here, can't visit friends or family with DS (got none)... it's finally settling in that I have a kid HERE. I never thought about what we'd do when he finally was here, I just wanted him. I feel like I CAN'T be the mom I want to be when DS is old enough to do stuff. I'm just a bit depressed about living here lately.

As far as my career- meh. I'm taking as much time off from it as possible to be with DS- I would like to get out there and make money again (really that would be the only reason why) but doing something totally different. No idea what that is though and lately I feel like maybe it's too late to try something new again. Now that DS is here, I feel like I should start at least thinking about when/if I will go back and what the heck I'll do.

[YHannahh]

YES!

I know what you mean.

Now that I'm more settled into life with a baby I'm starting to get my career ambition back. I've got lots of plans swirling in my head. I want to go out and conquer the world NOW, like you said. Not wait until my theoretical last baby is in school. Then the frustration sets it. What do I do with my baby? I want to raise her myself. I get teary-eyed when I think of leaving her with someone else. Then I get this fierce, protective emotion.

How do I be an attentive mother while satisfying my own career ambitions? I'm still sorting it out. I have a plan to go back to work part time and bring the baby along. I just proposed it to my boss today. Keep your fingers crossed.

I'm also considering going to business school. Maybe instead of working part-time, maybe in the future, who knows. I want to keep my career trajectory going...AND I want to hold my baby all day. I want it all. lol

[livelovelaugh]

You said it! (Once again)

I have this nagging feeling that I need to be looking into nursing school to become a maternity nurse, and when I get my free moments I start looking into it, get somewhat overwhelmed but very excited, and then time is up and I cannot fully research it, cannot fully engage in thinking about it, taking all of the prereqs, applying to prograns, the nursing exam...it seems endless, but I KNOW I need to do this. It would be the greatest honor to work as a maternity nurse. I simply cannot go back to grading papers...so at some point soon I must start down this path, but I have to be ok with it taking a good 5 years...hey, I will be (gulp) over 40 whether I do it or not, and I would rather do it!

[nervousnelle]

Originally Posted by YHannahh

What do I do with my baby? I want to raise her myself. I get teary-eyed when I think of leaving her with someone else. Then I get this fierce, protective emotion.

This is me in a nutshell, except I'll go ahead and be the dissenter: I don't want to go back to working. I don't want a "career" anymore. I want to be with my baby. I even want to be home when she's school-aged. I don't want to "work" again until she's away at college. There. I said it.

I went to college for 8 years and had a very "successful" career before she came, and I really. truly. honestly. do. not. want it back. I want to be the one changing her diaper and teaching her to read and nursing her and feeding her healthful foods that will build her natural immunity instead of shooting her up with vaccines. I want to be the one she runs to when she's hurt. I want to be the one explaining what we say in certain circumstances, or why we do or don't behave certain ways - building her self-esteem instead of risking leaving her with someone who might not. i know, I know, I can do both. I can have it all.

Except, I don't think we can have it all. I know I can't. And what I want is to be at home. However, for financial and social reasons I'll most likely be going back to work way before I want to, or, more likely even, I'll have to scheme like mad to make sure I can be at home for as long as I want to be.

Maybe we just always want what we can't/don't have? Hugs all around!

[livelovelaugh]

A very, very imaportant reminder, Nervousnelle. I need this reminder every now and then - I am so incredibly happy to be home with DD2. Sometimes I cannot believe I am able to be home with her, as I taught full time with ds and dd1, and it was very, very difficult. The day care, barely seeing them all day, etc., etc. I want nothing but to be home right now and I know that with 100% certainty...I just know that when all three of my kiddos are in school all day in 5 years, I want to be in a place where I can start working at this next chapter, rather than starting to pprepare for it then. Nursing is a career that would allow me to work a flexible schedule and still be there for my kiddos even when they are in school. Still, your words are a good reminder to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment...my godness, dd2 is 11 weeks today and I don't know where that time went. I think I will go and cuddle and nurse her now. : )

[Surfacing]

[Terrilein]

I'm feeling thwarted myself at the moment. I want to get back into software development and bought myself a yummy book on Java programming. But, alas, I have not yet had the opportunity to read more than a page at a time. I need a solid hour if I'm going to get anything done. *sigh*

[MJB]

I do want to work when Edie starts school, and am trying to choose a career. I was an apprentice midwife for 2 years but quit during my pregnancy and don't want to go back; being on call just won't work for us and midwives are severely underpaid for their work. So right now I'm considering getting a second bachelor's in nursing and becoming a nurse practitioner; going to med school; or being a teacher. Health care is my passion, but the practical awesomeness of having our summers off (my husband is a PhD candidate and will be a professor in a couple years) sounds fantastic. Also, it'd be a lot quicker getting an MAT than becoming a NP or MD. I just can't decide and my husband is putting a lot of pressure on me to make up my mind even though I don't plan to go back to school until next September either way. I'm going to an MAT interest session next week at my alma mater and I've talked to an advisor about med school (basically, it would take me 2-3 years just to do the prereqs since my BA is in women's studies). So I am moving slowly towards a decision. It seems so permanent and I don't want anyone to hold me to it!

[mamakaikai]

MJB- I could have written what you wrote! We apparently have a lot in common!

Surfacing- I quit midwifery to be at home and have more babies. I studied in ON, if you want more insight into what you're missing...I'd be happy to share. Haha, and I might make you feel better about not being there quite yet.

I struggle a lot with the frustrated ambition with my first. At the moment, I am perfectly happy to be home with my girls, and not knowing what 'career' awaits me in the future. I think about it...nursing, med school, teaching, government...but I don't want it while I have nestlings in the house. I am more focused on figuring out how to homeshcool and be a sahm while keeping our family financially afloat. Having given up a perfectly desirable profession, I know both sides of the coin. I think part of us always want what we don't/can't have to some degree. But I realized that the myth of having it all...does not hold true. At least not for me and the way I want to do it.

All we can do is make the best of now. Live to be happy in the moment, whatever the moment presents itself as, and with any hope, you will look back on your life and feel fulfilled. That's my hope.

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by MJB

So I am moving slowly towards a decision. It seems so permanent and I don't want anyone to hold me to it!

Originally Posted by mamakaikai

Surfacing- I quit midwifery to be at home and have more babies. I studied in ON, if you want more insight into what you're missing...I'd be happy to share. Haha, and I might make you feel better about not being there quite yet.

I struggle a lot with the frustrated ambition with my first. At the moment, I am perfectly happy to be home with my girls, and not knowing what 'career' awaits me in the future. I think about it...nursing, med school, teaching, government...but I don't want it while I have nestlings in the house. I am more focused on figuring out how to homeshcool and be a sahm while keeping our family financially afloat. Having given up a perfectly desirable profession, I know both sides of the coin. I think part of us always want what we don't/can't have to some degree. But I realized that the myth of having it all...does not hold true. At least not for me and the way I want to do it.

All we can do is make the best of now. Live to be happy in the moment, whatever the moment presents itself as, and with any hope, you will look back on your life and feel fulfilled. That's my hope.

PMing you about midwifery in ON (I live in T.O.). About the rest - I have been nodding as I'm reading along. These days I wish I could stay home with my kids until they're in school... and old enough to walk to/from, etc. Thinking about how to do that and keep financially afloat... nodding again.

Life is very busy these days and I'm not at the computer very often, so I am not keeping up with commenting, but I'm reading everyone's posts and can relate to so much of what everyone is saying.

[nervousnelle]

Originally Posted by Surfacing

Thinking about how to do that and keep financially afloat... nodding again.

Me too.

[2Peaches]

Originally Posted by livelovelaugh

You said it! (Once again)

I have this nagging feeling that I need to be looking into nursing school to become a maternity nurse, and when I get my free moments I start looking into it, get somewhat overwhelmed but very excited, and then time is up and I cannot fully research it, cannot fully engage in thinking about it, taking all of the prereqs, applying to prograns, the nursing exam...it seems endless, but I KNOW I need to do this. It would be the greatest honor to work as a maternity nurse. I simply cannot go back to grading papers...so at some point soon I must start down this path, but I have to be ok with it taking a good 5 years...hey, I will be (gulp) over 40 whether I do it or not, and I would rather do it!

This post could have been written by me! I am feeling frustrated by my new overwhelming responsibilities to a brand new infant, even though we tried so hard to conceive. I am SO happy to have her, but my feelings are so conflicted now. I never looked forward to returning to work (teaching) but the thought of being a maternity nurse is so exciting to me. It will take a long time for me to get my education, but it is something I know I want to do. Eventually.