Children getting overlooked for differentiation - Page 3

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by connieculkins

Yes, there is a point where it goes from healthy interest to unhealthy controlling obsession. There are a good number of mothers like this at the school, but there are also a good number of mothers who have a healthy level of interest in our children and none of us like the atmosphere that is created by the former. They act like they own the school and really do very little to improve it...They are supposed to be busy with volunteer work, but mostly you'll catch them gossiping about teachers, students, etc. They all claim to have profoundly gifted kids of course according to some test somewhere and sometimes the kids are embarrassed by the fact that mom is always around. I do think the faculty gets worn down by these women due to sheer persistence. I do see their kids quite frequently as they are in the same social group as mine and I would know if they are profoundly gifted and they aren't. Often times they have a bully style personality that they get from mom. I do think that the school ultimately needs to put their foot down with regard to this 'helicopter' parenting, but being the first to voice this will ruffle feathers..I know for a fact that many other moms feel as I do, but just don't want to do anything about it.

If they claim to have a test that shows for giftedness you should take it at face value. Really, when someone tells me there child was tested and scored in the gifted range, I believe them.

That being said, you seem to have a lot of anger towards your children's school (btdt by the way and it is not healthy for anyone) and your children are unhappy at the school - perhaps a change is in order. Are there other schools availible? Homeschooling?

If there is a strong culture of heavy volunteering plus the children of volunteers having "perks" that is unlikely to change in a timely manner.

[peaceful_mama]

I just got informed that my son is *not* in the highest reading group...because he is not showing the ability to follow the teacher's directions like "Open your book to page 3" as fast as the other kids in the group do.

My son *belongs* in that group by ability, and there's a high possibility he has an...I guess this is what you would call it---an auditory processing disability? deficiency?
The point is, my son does not seem to understand and process directions or questions that he hears as well as he *should* be able to based on age and intellectual ability.

I'm posting more about this over on special needs, as I am trying to figure out what comes next and if I'm advocating "correctly." I am posting tonight, it'll have some sort of title about advocating or auditory processing delay or something. I don't want to hijack this, but if you go there, you'll be able to see what I mean...I'm not trying to make excuses for him or anything like that. I honestly see something.

And he DOES belong in the high level reading group based solely on his ability to read, if he was awake right now, he'd likely be reading this post over my shoulder nearly perfectly, lol. He is in kindergarten and not quite 6.

[purslaine]

peacefu_mama: You should post your own thread here on gifted - just so it does not get lost in this one. Just cut and paste.

If you can afford it I would get private testing done. If you cannot, try having a meeting with a learning specialist to talk about in school testing and what types of test might be best for someone with a possible Audtitory issue. I think in most places if you put a request in wtiting, the school has to comply.

If you have not yet - wander over to the Hoagies board for some basic reading:

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/

[LynnS6]

Slightly OT, but OP I would recommend that you read: Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads. It sounds to me that's what's going on for your kids. I know those types of parents. Thankfully, the number at our school is small.

It sounds like the school has some major boundary issues that they've failed to set with the parents. You can't change the other parents, but you can change your reaction to them, and you can consistently and politely advocate for your children. The teachers will appreciate your approach. Really. Direct politeness takes more time than loud pushiness, but it's does take more time.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by connieculkins

Yes, there is a point where it goes from healthy interest to unhealthy controlling obsession. There are a good number of mothers like this at the school, but there are also a good number of mothers who have a healthy level of interest in our children and none of us like the atmosphere that is created by the former. They act like they own the school and really do very little to improve it...They are supposed to be busy with volunteer work, but mostly you'll catch them gossiping about teachers, students, etc. They all claim to have profoundly gifted kids of course according to some test somewhere and sometimes the kids are embarrassed by the fact that mom is always around. I do think the faculty gets worn down by these women due to sheer persistence. I do see their kids quite frequently as they are in the same social group as mine and I would know if they are profoundly gifted and they aren't. Often times they have a bully style personality that they get from mom. I do think that the school ultimately needs to put their foot down with regard to this 'helicopter' parenting, but being the first to voice this will ruffle feathers..I know for a fact that many other moms feel as I do, but just don't want to do anything about it.

Connie, that just sounds like a toxic situation. I don't know if you have any other option, but if my kids were growing apathetic about school I'd find some way to make it better/change the situation.

[karne]

I think more communication about the gifted program is definitely in order. There are a lot of assumptions being made, it seems.

However, I can attest to being in a place where volunteerism sometimes crosses the line, and parents are far more involved than is good for anyone. I say this as a mom who volunteers on a regular basis. I have seen some really negative behavior from parents who are at the school so regularly, and are so involved with the classroom that they feel on par with the teacher. I can't stand it, and I think that it does a disservice to the kids.

[jkpmomtoboys]

Coming into this late, but I am probably what the OP would term a "pushy" parent. I'm a SAHM, the room mom, on the PTA Board, etc...

However, I also have a child who has tested as gifted and who fits the personality type of a "challenging gifted child."


Challenging Gifted Child Personality Type

This personality type includes very creative, but often frustrated or bored, gifted children. They question the systems around them and are often rebellious because their abilities are unrecognized. Impatient, direct, and competitive, such children have low self-esteem. They need acceptance, understanding, and advocacy from the parents.

As a result, I need to be a strong (but diplomatic) advocate for my child because if he is not strongly and consistently challenged, he has a lot of social problems in and outside of the classroom. Teachers frequently misinterpret this issue as simply a discipline one and so my "pushing" for differentiation actually benefits everyone.