Trouble with transitions

[lillymonster]

Not sure if this goes here or not because my daughter has had problems with this since she could walk, but she still doesn't transition well to different activities, especially if it involves leaving somewhere.

For example, before we go to the park, I have to ask her what happens when mommy says it's time to go. She said "I get one more slide and then we go" So I say okay, and we go to the park. Well, that is not what happens. I give her warning "okay, we are going to go soon, is there anything you want to do before we leave?" she will mention one thing - then it's another, then another. Then she seems to panic "I don't want to go, I don't want to go". So I get on her level, tell her we have to go because I have to make dinner, or whatever, and she starts crying.

Then she runs off. Today she ran off into the parking lot. I had to grab her and pick her up and put her in the car seat. This is a regular occurrence everytime we go anywhere "I don't want to leave!!!" and she starts crying and screaming. I hate taking her anywhere and I don't know what to do about it.

I tried pretending to be animals and fly to the car, racing to the car, being a leader, looking for rocks before we leave to take one thing with us. I feel so embarrassed I have to always grab her and carry her into the car. And at 3 1/2 and me being 5 months pregnant, this is going to get harder to do and I don't want to do it anymore. I don't think I should do it.

She did this at a mommy and me preschool event (an event through our local county) when they group went outside for a little bit on the playground and then had to come in for storytime. I had to pick her up and carry her in.

I got the book "playful parenting" does it touch on anything like this?

[staceychev]

pak

I don't know about Playful Parenting, but Raising Your Spirited Child does. Mine has a hard time w/ transitions, and 3YO was a tough age. Less than making transitions fun, which just added to her intense emotion, I've found that a lot of pre-warnings and talking through the transition before we make it to be most helpful.

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by staceychev

pak

I don't know about Playful Parenting, but Raising Your Spirited Child does. Mine has a hard time w/ transitions, and 3YO was a tough age. Less than making transitions fun, which just added to her intense emotion, I've found that a lot of pre-warnings and talking through the transition before we make it to be most helpful.

Yes, she is definitely Spirited - and she has some sensory issues as well. I'll have to reread Spirited Child for more tips. I am not sure how many more warnings I can give - today it was over 15 minutes. I feel really bad because she takes it so hard.

[LynnS6]

I think a lot of 3 year olds have trouble with transitions. They're at an age where they remember more, so they remember that there's lots of things they want to do, then they can't let go.

Things that helped us:
-Leaving 10-15 minutes before we were 'ready' to go. If I waited for signs of fatigue, my kids would be more likely to meltdown. They had no reserves for the transition.
-I really like the 5-3-1 'countdown' for transitions. "In about 5 minutes, it'll be time to go." That gives them time to get mentally ready. "In 3 minutes, we'll be going. Time to finish up." "In one minute, we'll be leaving, let's choose one more thing to do and then we'll go." That doesn't always avoid the meltdowns, but I usually got less resistance.
-Saying goodbye to wherever we were. It sounds corny, but it works, even with slightly older kids. My 6 and 9 year old still do it occasionally. Not at the park, but when we were on vacation this summer, as we were going to the airport, they said "Goodbye Minnesota!"
-Having something to look forward to. A snack, something to do at home, whatever. It sometimes eases the pain.

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I think a lot of 3 year olds have trouble with transitions. They're at an age where they remember more, so they remember that there's lots of things they want to do, then they can't let go.

Things that helped us:
-Leaving 10-15 minutes before we were 'ready' to go. If I waited for signs of fatigue, my kids would be more likely to meltdown. They had no reserves for the transition.
-I really like the 5-3-1 'countdown' for transitions. "In about 5 minutes, it'll be time to go." That gives them time to get mentally ready. "In 3 minutes, we'll be going. Time to finish up." "In one minute, we'll be leaving, let's choose one more thing to do and then we'll go." That doesn't always avoid the meltdowns, but I usually got less resistance.
-Saying goodbye to wherever we were. It sounds corny, but it works, even with slightly older kids. My 6 and 9 year old still do it occasionally. Not at the park, but when we were on vacation this summer, as we were going to the airport, they said "Goodbye Minnesota!"
-Having something to look forward to. A snack, something to do at home, whatever. It sometimes eases the pain.

Thanks...unfortunately she has been like this since she could walk - as soon as she could walk around, she would tantrum if she had to get in the carseat and she wasn't ready to go. I am hoping #2 isn't the same!