How to get 6 yr old DD to stop hating on me?

[Ravenlunatic]

The title says it all... my 6 yr old DD just blames me for everything that goes even slightly wrong in her world AND she just generally treats me poory. She will still lash out and hit me when she is upset, she won't listen and do things I ask unless I get crazy and force her too, she covers her ears when I speak to her in my 'I'm getting mad' voice.

I can usually deal with most of these issues with patience and calmness. I generally just explain things to her (about it not being my fault), about not hitting, about respect, etc... but right now I am stressed out!!!! My stress is due to several issues, but I have very little patience and she triggers me daily. It got so bad last night that I lectured and lectured her, got angrier and angrier. We both ended up in tears...

I need new tools for my toolbox. Can any of you ladies help me out?

[ChetMC]

Sympathy

You have my complete sympathy on this.

Yesterday I was lectured by our five year old after having given her the wrong apple. The one I chose was too large and not sufficiently red. In addition, I wash apples using water that is too cold, and I also dry the apples too much (it would seem that DD prefers to have her apples only partially dry, but I have no clue how to half dry an apple!). This was how we started our day. I went on to do lots of other stuff wrong between breakfast and bedtime.

I wonder if we lecture DD and point out too often how unhappy situations could have been avoided (for the benefit of next time). I wonder if we're modeling this behaviour somehow.

Grrr... it's massively frustrating anyway. Our two year old is easier to get along with.

[meemee]

its their first 'teenage' angst years. at least that's what i call it.

the onset of prepuberty. so preprepuberty?

mine was totally PMSing during that time.

however i saw that hate as a sign of love. i mean how many children are allowed to express themselves. seriously. including my dd.

its end of summer. i would say the end of a growth spurt too. also is she in school? k or 1st grade? typical getting used to school schedules behaviour.

i have an 8 year old doing the same thing.

its also the age when we have to reasses our parenting and stop parenting them as babies. so read my lips. its v. v. v. important you get the hang of it now.

no more lectures. does not work. makes it worse. dd has pretty much told me that.

if you feel disrespected you need to state it calmly. you have every right to express your feelings without imposing yourself on her.

are you being fair?

dont worry. this is the last hurrah. once your child comes out of this she will be the sweetest ever. she is saying bye to one type of childhood and saying hello to the other.

so i would say find that compassionate streak in your heart and watch her and laugh. you will rarely see this again after this stage is over.

however empathise, empathise, empathise. she needs that really bad. but sadly mama i hear you. when you yourself have nothing to give how can you fill her cup too.

i would say look at your own triggers and try and see why you feel that way.

you know its all perception. you change it and you can handle anything you want.

[Iucounu]

Try "The Nurtured Heart Approach" and "Beyond Chaos to Calm"

[Ellien C]

So I've been reading the book "The Explosive Child" and I just called a counselor today for us. My DD is 7.5 and she hasn't really grown out of the behaviors I would have expected her to. We had similar things going on. I think my DD has low frustration tolerance and a limited ability to "move on" and adapt to a new different situation than what was in her head.

So I have a lot of sympathy for you. I feel REALLY triggered by my daughter. No advice on tools.

[Surfacing]

[jecombs]

No real advice... just realize that this is all about her and not all about you and what you do or don't do. My DD is younger than yours, but what I find works for me is just not engaging in the struggle with her. When she is freaking out because I haven't done something "right" I usually just reply with "I'm sorry you feel that way" in a neutral tone of voice. Maybe it's right and maybe it's wrong, but it works for me and helps keep my stress in-check.

"Release the struggle" is something I repeat over and over to myself...