teaching how to deal with frustration

[jnet24]

My DS has an expressive language delay and a severe Phonological delay. He has other "stuff" going on but isnt really diagnosed with anything. Was tested for SPD but does not seem to have it, has social and emotional delays, and may end up with an ADD diagnosis.

Then main problem I am dealing with right now is anger frustration issue. He pushes, bites, tackles, punches, and throws things when he is upset. I just started watching a 8 month old and a 2.5 year old, just three days a week, and he has even done this with them. i know I need to be proactive, but it is immposible to watch him every second with four kids 3 and under here. I explain he needs to use his words. He can yell, "Mommy" or " I am angry at you" We mainly have a problem when the other kids are getting in his space, touching his toys he is playing with, or touching him. I am not sure how to help him more than that. Any wise mama's here know anything else I can do?

[Starflower]

Have you read "The Explosive Child" by Greene? (I think that's the author.)

He deals with stuff like this although it's not necessarily a quick and easy fix. He does suggest giving kids with a language processing delay a script of things to say and practice that so they can access them when they are frustrated.

My own DD is very quick with languages but has anxiety and little to no tolerance for frustration. When she is frustrated, she can't seem to access her language very well, but it's only when she is frustrated. We've been having a really tough time lately, so I am going to reread this book and maybe show it to her therapist.

Good luck.

[jillmamma]

My DS used to hit or head butt me a lot at that age when frustrated or angry. He is autism spectrum, and had a hard time expressing his frustrations in words. I tried to offer alternatives to him, like giving high 5s instead of hitting, giving a high 5 with his head on my hand instead of head butting, jumping up and down, hit a pillow, etc. to vent his anger or frustration, then coming and talking to me about it so that we can work out a solution. I am working on this with DD now who is 5 and screams rather than hitting, etc., and she is getting better about slowing down and remembering to use her words. One other thing I would do with DS is if he acted like that towards his sister or buddies, he would have to come sit/be by me and not be able to play with the others so that they would not get hurt. Usually after a couple of times of that, he was better able to control himself and play nicer. Also, do you have a special spot (corner of room, tent, bedroom, whatever) that he could go to be by himself if he needed some space to cool down? Might be worth creating something like that because maybe he gets overwhelmed by all the noise and activity with that many small kids.

[APToddlerMama]

Do you have to watch the other kids for income or is there something else you could do...some other solution? I was in a really similar situation with my son and watching two kids the same ages roughly, and I came to the conclusion that it was just too much for DS, and wasn't fair to the other kids. I hear that you can't watch them all every second, but that probably means it would be safer and better for everyone if you weren't watching them. As a mom, I know how it is to be in your shoes, but also as a mom, I'd hate my kids being hurt by another child. Perhaps in a few months your son would be in a better place to be able to tolerate other kids in his space and you could give it another try.