"Shake it off" ?

[lillymonster]

What does this mean? I have gone to the park with my DD since she was little, so for about 3 years now, I have heard various times with different age kids. When a child falls, the parents yells from wherever they are, "shake it off, shake it off"

Today it was a probably a 2 year old girl? She didn't talk very well, maybe younger than 2, I can't remember the age when babies start to talk anymore . She fell off something, and her mother yelled "shake it off, shake it off". She didn't move or go near her. She fell off like a treaded step and hit her chin. Of course she was crying after that, but they didn't go near her.

So I can see maybe a parent thinking they don't want to draw attention because that might cause their kid to be "spoiled" so they ignore a child, but does a 2 year old understand "shake it off"? I can't imagine any place this is even appropriate to say, like if maybe there was a Kerri Shrug moment, your child was competing in the Olympics and had to perform or forfeit and a team lost (I don't know - would that have happened? I just used her as an example because she broke/strained her foot and continue through the pain), but I can't imagine her coach yelling at her at the sidelines "shake it off, shake it off" - I am sure she put the pressure on herself - totally off topic, but I am trying to think of a place where this phrase is even appropriate.

I even asked my DH about it tonight and he mentioned it was a coach thing, but he was kind of appalled someone said it to a child. And yes, the was not the first time, I hear it often - very often. Does it mean something else and I am just seeing the negative part?

[scottishmommy]

Well, I don't use those words exactly but I rarely respond if dd falls unless she's clearly hurt. I usually say "you're ok!". I was at a kid friendly restaurant the other day and dd fell over, like she does 300 times a day, and I got dagger eyes from another mother because I didn't leap up and make a fuss. *personally* I think a lot of parents make too big a deal of minor accidents.

[MeepyCat]

Given what I've heard about Bela Karolyi (the coach of the Olympic Women's Gymnastic team), I wouldn't be at all surprised if Kerry Strug was yelled at to shake it off.

But anyway:

I do say this to my DS - "shake it off, you're okay." (I'd say it to DD too if she was independently mobile enough to run around playgrounds getting herself banged up.) I would guess that 99% of his falls result in no more than minor injury - a bruise or a scrape at most. However, I also know that if I fuss over an injury, my DS will fuss back. It actually makes it harder to judge how serious an injury is.

That said, I don't yell it from across the playground. If I see him fall or otherwise get hurt, I'll come by - calmly, because he'll pick up my reaction, but right away. I will actually assess whether he's okay or not. I will comfort him if he's crying, and crying without a serious injury or problem often indicates that he needs a snack, a nap, or both. A kid who falls and *isn't* crying worries me much more - a crying child is conscious and has an open airway.

[waiting2bemommy]

yeah, we say that at our house (but we also give lots of hugs and kisses). DS is inclinced to be a bit dramatic (i.e. he had a meltdown at bathtime because a piece of hair was stuck to him and it was "very extremely ouch" ), so I assess whether there's any real damage and then opt to either comfort with hugs and kisses, or tell him to "shake it off." But he thinks it's funny, we always shake our shoulders in a silly kind of way and say it playfully. If he was actually hurt or kept on crying I wouldn't just continue to stand there and tell him to get over it....that seems kind of mean spirited.

[JamieCatheryn]

That far away it's pretty hard to see how bad a kid's hurt it sounds like. If one of mine is crying I'll always ask to see the injury before I declare it alright. Then I suggest he sit down and relax until the hurt stops bothering him if he wants to. I mean, my 4 year old does hurt himself bad enough that it needs washing, pressure and covering or an ice pack now and then, and if I dismissed something like that how would he ever trust me to help him or believe if I said it was ok? Every injury hurts about the same the first few moments so it can be scary and awful.

[LaLaLaLa]

We're pretty casual about falls and bumps around here. We don't exactly use the words "shake it off," but we definitely have a shake-it-off vibe when one of the kids is howling. When someone is crying, we ask neutrally if he or she is okay. If the response is "no," we tell the child he or she can get an ice pack out of the freezer, if necessary. And we'll sit and cuddle until the child is feeling well enough to go on playing again. My kids are 6 and 4, and never has more action been needed than that.

If we ran over and made a fuss whenever they howled, they would never stop howling. We don't want to make falling down and screeching about it for ages into one of the tools in their get-Mom-and-Dad's-attention toolbox.

[no5no5]

I think these phrases have different meanings for different people. "Shake it off" could mean "suck it up because I don't want to have to help you" or it could mean "I trust that you can deal with this." "You're okay" could mean "I know better than you how you're feeling, and since I think that how you're feeling is not too bad, you'd better stop bothering me" or it could mean "I want you to know that even though you feel awful right now, my experience tells me that you will feel better soon." I assume that most mothers have gentle meanings when they say these things, but of course not everyone does.

And personally, I wouldn't use either of those phrases, especially wrt a toddler. I just hug and listen (and stay calm) rather than telling a child how to manage pain/frustration/surprise. That said, I did just tell my 4-year-old to "deal with it," but what I meant was "take steps to resolve your problem," and she was only hungry, not hurt.

[grniys]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

Well, I don't use those words exactly but I rarely respond if dd falls unless she's clearly hurt. I usually say "you're ok!". I was at a kid friendly restaurant the other day and dd fell over, like she does 300 times a day, and I got dagger eyes from another mother because I didn't leap up and make a fuss. *personally* I think a lot of parents make too big a deal of minor accidents.

Yeah, that's kind of what I do, too. Though most of the time my 3 year old automatically comes over to me for every little thing for a magical healing kiss for his boo-boos. And I'm cool with that. But the 19 month old can be a lot more dramatic, so he get's more of the, "Hey, it's fine. You're okay. Let's get back up now."

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

Well, I don't use those words exactly but I rarely respond if dd falls unless she's clearly hurt. I usually say "you're ok!". I was at a kid friendly restaurant the other day and dd fell over, like she does 300 times a day, and I got dagger eyes from another mother because I didn't leap up and make a fuss. *personally* I think a lot of parents make too big a deal of minor accidents.

This is how we deal with things. I do say shake it off though. DD usually gets the giggles and starts wiggling when I do. Random nonhurt forgotten then

[cappuccinosmom]

I imagine it's just another phrase that's used when parents want their children to be "brave", to choose to get back up and get on with things rather than sitting and crying.

I don't use those words, but like some of the other posters, have the same idea. In our family, when someone falls, we say "Oh!! Did you catch a bunny?" It's an immediate way to get their mind off the fall, and help them get back up and put the minor pain aside. I don't fly to their aid, either, if it's just a bump. I'll let them let me know--often if they don't know I've seen them, they'll just bounce right up without a single tear. Just because I'm not moving toward them doesn't mean I don't care about them. I watch them, and any sign of true injury (not making a move to get up, blood, or outrageous screaming), I'd be there in a split second.

[mamadelbosque]

I don't know that I regularly say 'shake it off', but I definetly don't go running everytime one of the boys falls and cries for a moment... I usaully yell/ask "you ok?" an go from there... mabye I do say shake it off after 'you ok' if they say yes. It means stop crying and keep playing an I'm not going to baby you for every little bump you take. I have other stuff to do.

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by JamieCatheryn

That far away it's pretty hard to see how bad a kid's hurt it sounds like. If one of mine is crying I'll always ask to see the injury before I declare it alright.

I guess this is how I feel. I personally don't run over, in fact I don't respond unless DD responds first, I go to see (or to see why she isn't responding - but if she is up and moving I make no mention of anything). But I have yet to see a mother move, off the bench, away or even look enough to figure out how big or little the issue is. My DD rarely makes any comment, noise, complaint when she falls, if she cries, she is hurt, and usually lump, cut, etc. I don't rush to say it before any reaction comes out, which is what I have seen. And maybe because I see no one move, this parent today was talking to another mother, looked over and said "shake it off" and went back to talking. Maybe 4 I'd be okay with it, but not even 2 seems a little odd to me?

I have asked if DD is okay, or said "I think you are okay", but I think it "shake it off" seems such an odd phrase. I guess because I see no feeling in it when I have seen it.

If someone made a kid laugh and said shake it off, or said "remember, shake off the hurt" or something - but it seems to be a look up "shake it off" and then mommy goes back to chatting or reading or talking on the cell phone. Not that I haven't done that myself while DD is playing - but it seems to be, when I see it a "you're fine, I am busy right now"

But then again if my 2 year old was crying and hit her chin - maybe I was the only one who saw it because of the angle, I would go check it out because I fell myself that same way and had to get stitches!

[Mom2M]

I do say shake it off but it doesn't mean the same thing as when a coach says it. If DD gets hurt and it is really minor she can be very dramatic and get herself really upset. So, I told her one time that if she shook her leg it would feel better. I think she had bumped her knee or something. I said just try it and see if it works. She did, smiled and told me it felt better and ran off. So, now I say shake it off if it looks like that. Sometimes she will and sometimes she wants a kiss and hug first and then she shakes whatever body part it is, lol.
If it were a more serious looking bump or fall, I ask her first if she's ok and if she isn't, I go over to her or she comes to me. I certainly wouldn't say that to a 2 year old and definitely not to a face or head injury.

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

Given what I've heard about Bela Karolyi (the coach of the Olympic Women's Gymnastic team), I wouldn't be at all surprised if Kerry Strug was yelled at to shake it off.

Yeah, well bad example - and maybe he did - but I think she kind of knew of the pressure at that point. I guess my point is, yeah high stakes, pressure I could see a coach saying and feel it is appropriate. I could see it in high school/college games, when you are there and know you are there for a reason. And I guess I could see it younger, I used to dance and I know pressure to get somewhere and get recognized in competition. I think maybe the age is the problem I am having with it. Like 5 - okay, 4 even I see. But not even 2? Probably when DD is 4, maybe I will start to say it (who knows), but I don't get much issue when she does fall, so I don't usually start saying anything until I see her response.

And with this child - I did see her for a while, and she didn't complain much, she wasn't crying a lot or overreacting, and it was on these rubber step, metal curve park of a playground. I can't describe it, but it was meant for like 5 years and above and she was struggling on it, it was a hard step and a pretty big fall.

[camracrazy]

My friend says, "Rub some dirt on it!" LOL

I will go check out a bump if someone is obviously distressed or bleeding. I try not to make a huge deal out of it, though.

My oldest used to go to my mom's house a few days a week while I worked. My mom and step-dad babied her to the nth degree. If she bumped against a wall and there wasn't even a mark on her, she could fuss and get a band-aid. Of course they kept cool character band-aids for her. If she got a tiny, invisible scratch she could be pitiful until she got a special treat. It was really over-the-top and I had to be "mean" to get her to stop acting soooo dramatic anytime any little thing happened. My younger ones never got babied like that and they do just "shake it off" most of the time without me saying anything.

[lifeguard]

Well, we don't use shake it off. But I do usually say uh-oh or boom in a playful voice when ds falls. And yeah, sometimes I don't get up if I'm confident he's fine. The poor boy has my coordination & seems to fall or knock his head 100 times a day but very rarely is it even worth tears.

I do see parents overreact to the smallest bumps all the time, much more often than under reacting.

[lillymonster]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

I do see parents overreact to the smallest bumps all the time, much more often than under reacting.

Now I can honestly say I have never seen a parent over react. But grand parents - yes, well don't get me started on my IL, part of reason I tend not to get along with my IL, among many other things. So I don't think I am too overreacting, in fact I do give DD a ton of space, but I guess I'd rather here nothing at all?

hmm...now I have to figure out why it bothers me so much.

[~Em~]

I have a friend that would overreact every time her children would fall - she'd gasp loudly and then run over and coddle them, even if there was obviously nothing wrong with the baby. I comfort my children if they are hurt - this was not that. This was freaking out everytime they *might* have gotten hurt. Guess what the result was? Two little ones who were incapable of handling even minor (as in not painful at all) bumps and falls. They would SCREAM and howl immediately - it was a cycle of her reinforcing it and them acting on her cues. I dreaded even going to events with her at one point - it was ridiculous.

So yeah - I tell my 2yo, "you're ok!" and she jumps up, throws both hands in the air, and joyfully yells, "I OK!!!" If she's actually hurt, she gets lots of cuddles, but I think we all know that about 80% of toddler mishaps don't involve any injury at all.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by lillymonster

If someone made a kid laugh and said shake it off, or said "remember, shake off the hurt" or something - but it seems to be a look up "shake it off" and then mommy goes back to chatting or reading or talking on the cell phone. Not that I haven't done that myself while DD is playing - but it seems to be, when I see it a "you're fine, I am busy right now"
!

You know, it could be the first time in days that mother had a moment to herself or another adult around to talk to. I wouldn't have said that at 2, but after 3 I know I have expressed the "shake it off" vibe.

I get together once a week with a friend and we let the 4 kids run around while we sit back and RELAX. It takes a lot to get us out of our chairs. We joke that people probably think we're awful parents. If anyone judged my parenting because of it, I would find that rather funny.

[treeoflife3]

when kiddo was first learning to move and fell a ton, if she noticed me watching her I'd always go 'good fall!' because she was definitely the type to cry if she noticed me. This didn't stop all crying because sometimes she really was hurt, but most of the time she would just smile and carry on.

Now that falling isn't as common with her, I usually go 'boom!' or 'oops you fell!' when it seems mild and she knows I saw. Again, doesn't stop all the tears but I never turn her away if she needs lovin. I'm very fast to switching over to hugs.

Once in awhile I DO say 'aww you're fine' when I know she is but this is habit from growing up and I'm trying to stop it. It feels condescending to me to say how she is when I'm not her. I KNOW she is fine and I just want her to be able to carry on the fun she was just having but I don't think its my place to tell her how she feels haha.

I don't however say shake it off.. this also feels cold to me although I do think it can definitely not be cold depending on the parent/child/moment. It just feels less right to me than 'aww you're fine.' I DO skip everything and go straight to sympathy/loving mode if it was a face plant or anything that looked hard enough to probably want at least a moment sympathy.