How early?? What to do?

[Xavismom]

How early do you start with 'no' and other things? My DS is almost 10 mo, I figured I still had plenty of time to read some books, and talk to other Mamas about GD, but DS has just gone nuts lately, and I dont know how to handle it.

The main problem right now, is that there is no baby safe area in our house. We recently bought an older house, and my mom lives with us. Its a big house, and we are remodeling almost the whole thing, so that everyone can have private living areas, as we plan on being a multi-generational family permenantly. Right now we are sharing the space that will eventually be my mothers, and the space that is for DH, DS & I is almost done. We have almost no walkable space in our bedroom, as we are storing a lot of our stuff that is still packed up in there waiting for our space to be done.

My mom has many MANY unsafe things in her area, and keeps buying more and more even though I have asked her to hold off until we have our space done. Two recent purchases that are making my life miserable are an unsteady and heavy standing wall cabinet, and a GLASS SHELVED TV stand

The ONLY thing DS wants to do is try to climb this TV stand. He will absolutely not be distracted from this. Toys, singing, holding, wearing, playsilks, food, nursing, etc. If we are home, he wants to climb the shelves, period. I can only get him out of the house for so many hours a day, and I am getting to the end of my rope with this. When I try to re-direct him, he screams, and kicks his legs. Today he hit me in the face. And he squirms and thrashes until I let him go and he goes straight for the shelves.

My mom is no longer allowed to watch DS, bc she watches TV instead of him, and everytime I peek in there she is letting my 10 mo CLIMB GLASS SHELVES

Please, anyone have any suggestions, I feel like I am going to lose my mind. My DH works the nightshift, and DS's constant screaming while DH is trying to sleep is also an issue and is putting even more stress on me. My DS is proving to be a very smart, headstrong determined little man. I think he may be 'high spirited' as well, but I need to read more about that... I feel like I have already lost complete control of the situation, and he is still a baby. I feel very very scared for how I am going to handle a toddler, or child. I have zero experience with children other than my DS.

Are there any good books you guys could also recommend for GD a baby or toddler?

TYIA!!

[nina_yyc]

Our babies are almost the same age Nope, it's not too early to start, but remember you are dealing with a baby and adjust your expectations so that they are age appropriate.

The best way to deal with the youngest kids is environmental modification, aka babyproofing. I know this is probably not what you want to hear, considering your living area challenges, but there it is. A 10mo baby really cannot 'stay away' from stuff he/she isn't supposed to be into. It is not anything you are doing. Redirection only goes so far at this age (more on that later.) Remember you are dealing with a baby and shiny objects...the best disciplinarian in the world can't separate those two. In the meantime you need to save your sanity. You can baby gate more than just doors, you can do pieces of furniture with stuff like this - http://www.toysrus.com/product/index...ductId=4344215. I am not a huge fan of playpens but in this situation I think I would use one for those quick moments when the baby sneaks away on you, like when you are in the bathroom or performing a 2 handed task. Jolly jumper? High chair? Whatever you can get! Sounds like you are already babywearing, that's what I would do too. If you take away anything from this suggestion, understand that it's just an impossible situation the way it is right now and stop beating yourself up for how you're handling it...just get through it, survival mode

What you're doing with the redirection sounds worthwhile to keep trying, but IMO the redirection/distraction tactics only go so far at this age. My son allows himself to be redirected, but he doesn't really get that continual redirection = don't do that. He will go for my floor lamp over and over and over and over and I just say 'not for Elliot,' give him a baby toy, and repeat, until I can remove him from proximity to the lamp or call in backup. Eventually I know it will click for him but not at 10mo...it is just laying the groundwork, showing him that he is expected to cooperate. Redirecting a baby takes absolutely tons of patience so it's no wonder you are feeling stressed!

It is too bad about your mom. That sounds really frustrating .

Try Dr. William Sears 'The Discipline Book.' I am not 100% in line with some of his suggestions for older kids but his ideas were really useful to me at the baby/toddler stage.

[lalemma]

I have a 10-month-old, also. Maybe this won't be a popular statement, but at this age, I don't think discipline (gentle or otherwise) comes into it. I think the only thing you can do is provide them a safe space to roam. I know in your situation that's very difficult.

What about physically blocking access to the glass shelves? Our house has been hard to babyproof as it's basically loft-style, one big room. Instead of trying to make the entire big area safe, what we've done is cordon off the living area from the kitchen (using this gate/play yard: http://www.northstatesind.com/index....id/91/catid/11 - which is unattractive but flexible and works well) and then in the area that's cordoned off, he's free to explore. That may be an option for you if you can gate off an area around the shelves?

I don't think it's realistic to expect a baby of this age to have any kind of judgment or self-control when it comes to fascinating climbable objects. So I think you just have to either remove him from a dangerous environment, or remove any danger from his environment.

[LynnS6]

A 10 month old can comprehend 'no', but that doesn't mean they can stop once they've started doing something, and that doesn't mean that it won't take a thousand repetitions for them to learn. Those glass shelves are really tempting.

At this age, your best parenting tools are: baby proofing and redirection. you're in a hard living situation, but I would find a way to block the shelves. Put a gate in front of them, or boxes or something he can't move.

The other thing to try is to put cloths on them so he can't see them.

Then, find something else in the house that he can climb (maybe you can go to a garage sale and buy a small slide -- we had one in our kitchen for a year). Every time he heads for the shelves, remove him to what he can climb.

[Xavismom]

Thank you Mamas, your replies have made me feel a bit better, and hopefull

Our house is such a disaster right now anyways, putting up an 'ugly' gate is a total non-issue, but I doubt my DH would be on board spending $100+ right now on a gate considering how much we are spending on the huge remodel that is almost done. I honestly think he could figure out how to climb or knock it down anyways. Or figure out how to go under it, he's done that with makeshift barricades that I've done. Or open the latch, he has already figured out how to open all kinds of things around the house, like latches and knobs. He is SMART and really really strong. He's about 27 Ibs right now, is that too big for a playpen? Bc he has already outgrown his jumper. Highchair is also a no-go, he figured out how to rock in it, to scoot it in a direction he wants to go so he can grab things. So he ends up getting things he's not supposed to have (again!!) or he gets really into trying to move it and bangs his head on the back of it and gets himself upset I did see an indoor slide at IKEA, maybe I'll go pick that up for him this week...

We have about 2 more weeks or so of this nightmare to go!! (At least for that room, the kitchen and bathrooms are a whole other story )Thankfully, when we get our new family room, it will be TOTALLY baby proof. DH has even done this room so that all wires, plugs, etc will be hidden in the walls. DS will have his own play nook with all his toys and things in direct view of the main area of the room so I can see him wherever I am and he can run wild once its done, I cant tell you how much I am looking forward to it.

I was 'hiding' the shelves with large pillows for a while, but DS figured that out so its not working anymore.

I bought a large activity cube thing, with things to do/spin/play on all 4 sides, and the wire/bead things on the top, and that worked for a while too, bc he was obsessed with it when it was new, but now its not NEW anymore, and its back to the shelves. He only likes new things, and things he is not supposed to have (like the dog too, you dont even want to know what he does with the dog). Is this normal 10 mo behavior?? I honestly have no idea. I didnt realize an almost 10 mo would be so mobile already either, holy cow...

I would still really be interested in more books, I'll have to find the Dr Sears book. I think I'm going to need all the help I can get with DS, I think he is going to be strikingly similiar to his daddy, and WOW.... His dad is a huge handfull too.

[bonamarq]

Sorry - I didn't read your replies so if this repeats, forgive me

Doesn't sound like you have much control over the environment so you might want to adjust your routines to your best advantage - by this I mean getting OUT as much as possible - at that age I loved walking w/dd

she loved to see things and be in the fresh air, I loved the exercise and ritual of our regular stops - don't know if that's possible for you - but I started that about 8 mo and that's when I dropped the rest of my baby weight! We lived in Ann Arbor at the time and we had lots of places/parks/coffee shops etc.

do you have a friend that wouldn't mind some regular company that has good exploration space - if not a local children's museum membership would be a great investment

your baby NEEDS to explore and he just can't do that in your home right now

so take him where he can - come home to eat and sleep and chill out but help him meet that need as best you can - and pray that by the time the cold weather hits you have your space under control

[nina_yyc]

Originally Posted by Xavismom

I doubt my DH would be on board spending $100+ right now on a gate considering how much we are spending on the huge remodel that is almost done.

Check your local kijiji/craigslist for secondhand if $ is the only object.

Originally Posted by Xavismom

He only likes new things, and things he is not supposed to have (like the dog too, you dont even want to know what he does with the dog). Is this normal 10 mo behavior??

Yes.

Originally Posted by Xavismom

I think I'm going to need all the help I can get with DS, I think he is going to be strikingly similiar to his daddy, and WOW.... His dad is a huge handfull too.

I too am blessed with a persistent, strong willed child...not so much the baby but my DD. I know you mean the best but I would be cautious handing out the problem-child labels. Children sense your expectations and will often do what they are expected to do. When I started out on the mothering journey, I did not really expect my DD to listen to me...I did not think she was capable or that she would want to (hey, I never listened to my mom ) As a result I did not discipline my DD effectively as a toddler and come three years old, I am digging myself out of a deep hole. With my DS I am taking the perspective that he will want to cooperate, but he won't know how for a little while. It is my job to guide him and have age appropriate expectations (for instance...true impulse control does't kick in for years.) When he is ready he will understand.

[Xavismom]

Originally Posted by nina_yyc

With my DS I am taking the perspective that he will want to cooperate, but he won't know how for a little while. It is my job to guide him and have age appropriate expectations (for instance...true impulse control does't kick in for years.) When he is ready he will understand.

I really really like this perspective!!

I really didnt mean to make my DS or DH sound like problem people though. My DH is a super intense, highly intelligent, eccentric person. It is a little hard sometimes, but its also why I love him so much, and I see SO much of him in DS already.

Today has been a trial already though as its been raining so we werent able to walk to the park this morning, and I share a car with DH.