pot lucks

[karika]

{{Threads merged by request. Please see below. Thanks! ~ fullofgrace}}

[karika]

pot lucks

I am not sure this is the right forum, I have a hard time making decisions anyway and this is really about the expense and allergies, so here it is.

We became involved in a group that is meeting to allow the homeschool children a chance to socialize and learn about drama. We are a family that eats only organic, no preservatives, HFCS, MSG, food colorings, etc. We are also gluten, dairy, soy free. Occasionally we are avoiding other things in our effort to figure out what makes my daughter react so.

The people hosting the group seem to be set on making this a pot luck deal. We don't eat anywhere but home usually.

When a person is avoiding a certain food, one doesn't even want to be in the same house with it. People that are not examining their food intake don't seem to get it, but for a person to touch a piece of gluten bread and then touch me or the counter, spreads gluten...my throat tensed closed jus tbeing in the same room with the loaf of italian bread. ahhh but I digress...

So, if we try to do this potluck thing, it would be crazy expensive, right? To make food based on our dietary needs for 20 people would be at least $40 I am thinking. But I don't know, I haven't actually figured it out. I am freaking a bit just thinking someone wants us to eat with their silverware and forks and glasses, in their gluten contaminated home and how to handle this.... The host family said they are willing to buy whatever is necessary to meet everyone's dietary needs, but we all know if you aren't in this lifestyle, what you buy has all levels of contamination to it... like salad dressing seems inoculous but isnt.... there is no way I can believe they could not have a contaminant in there somewhere, and definitely in the dishes and cookware.

I want my child to have this experience, she really needs other children in her life, but the food thing is waffling me. My allergy mom sense tells me that it is not possible to eat food someone else prepared in their home. That we will be compromised if we eat there or use the utensils even.

I did order some enzymes (and really good probiotics from Klaire finally! yay!) and I am going to try them since i still haven't figured out everything because she is still having issues (though milder now).

So I guess my question is, can I just tell these people it is an impossible task and ask them to agree it is ok we come after the food for the meetings (and of course we still take enzymes to deal with the latent gluten in the home), or is it possible to have a bunch of people not on the GFCFSF diet create safe dishes (we would still have to figure out how to bring our own eating utensils and dishes, but the CC of their cookware would still matter...)
We could, alternatively, tell them we can't risk the CC and bring our own covered dish and fork to eat at the same time they eat. I could make cookies occasionally as an offer to the group, but using all organic ingredients as I do (and must, I cannot use any less with good conscience) a batch of my cookies still costs $8-$10 and we are on food stamps. I could just bring a few...

I am just not good at these sorts of things. I haven't had a friend (or anyone) IRL to speak to in so long. my social skills are nonexistent maybe... This is my first challenge as an allergy free mom.... I want to just explain that eating food anyone else makes is just out of the question, and that I cannot afford to make the food for everyone, is that really rude?

[Vancouver Mommy]

If the opportunity to socialize is important to you then I see nothing wrong with saying that although your strict dietary restrictions do not allow you to participate in a potluck, you would nonetheless like to attend, and will be taking care of your own food requirements. If, as you say, the risk of being in close proximity to certain foods is dangerous or uncomfortable then I guess you need to decide if the benefits of socializing outweigh this risk.

[lil_miss_understood]

I can't really answer your question, but I'm going to come and lurk here.
I will say, however, that I have gone to meal functions in others' homes and brought our own food for DS1 (dairy, gluten and egg free) along with silverware etc for him (since he reacts to cc from dairy). I explained that it took us a LONG time to understand exactly what to feed him and just how sensitive he was to cc. I brought a pasta salad made with rice pasta, seeded tomatoes, cucumbers, black olives, red onions and a homemade Greek style dressing which was relatively inexpensive and tasty.

[tanyalynn]

I've gone to potluck functions where the only food the kids and I ate was what I brought for us. We don't react to the level of x-con that you're describing, where traces on peoples' counters would be an issue, but there was quite a while where I wanted to avoid gluten enough that we didn't consume food prepared by other people. It took some practice, but over time I just became very matter-of-fact about it, and I think that how I framed it helped cut off peoples' assumptions that they should make food for us (which I didn't want them to do).

I'd frame it to them as, learning to avoid these foods has taken a ton of time, we've screwed up more times than I can count, and I am participating in this activity to enjoy the people, I don't want to make more work for everyone making food. And if pushed, re-iterate that you made a lot of mistakes regarding cross-contamination (maybe it's a stretch, but it doesn't focus so much on them not understanding what gluten, dairy, and soy are, but the trickiness of completely and totally avoiding them).

That said--we've also decided, both this year and last, to not participate in one extracurricular activity for my DD because of food. For us, it's that one activity that, added on to other stuff, would just push me over the edge into insanity, one more place to manage food. And I'm just not willing. So sometimes bowing out for your mental health and happiness is very reasonable IMO.

[deditus]

We only eat food made by me, but we do eat it with others at playgroups and our home school co-op. We do take our own dishes. My dd is very sensitive to trace dairy especially and does react when in a situation that we have to use CC dishes (like the 2xs a year we go home to MI and stay with family). I am the one who has to live with the reactions so we don't chance it. I was asked to plan food for our home school Pumpkin Party because of dd's intolerances and I am not sure what I want to do for that.