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Should I have minded my own business? Drama

post #1 of 89
Thread Starter 
I'm good friends with two women and we all spend a decent amount of time together. One mom and her family are vegans. Me and the other mom aren't. We've been taking turns watching the vegans son for her twice a month while she and her husband have a date night. All three of us are often at the other persons home and have what I thought was a good relationship. During the other moms turn to watch the son I was there dropping off a DVD I borrowed and hung around to chit chat when she offered the vegan child a piece of hamburger. The mom and her husband always bring his own food and snacks for him to eat if we're watching him. It works out great because our food is non vegan but on occasion I've gone to a vegan bakery to pick him up a treat all of us can eat. FYI- I checked with my friend to make sure this was okay. Anyway, I asked her if the vegan mom started eating meat again and forgot to tell me and she said "no but a little piece of hamburger isn't going to hurt him. it's what all kids get" and offered him a piece again. When she held it out for him to take I told him I think his mom brought something for him to eat and he should probably eat that instead. The mom rolled her eyes and when the little boy left the room (he's 3) she told me he needs meat and went on a tirade that really had nothing to do with the other moms rules and regulations for her son. I mentioned this to the other mom but waited until the next day to do so. I told her casually. "I just wanted to let you know so and so offered him a piece of burger while I was there." She was really upset, contacted the other mom for disrespecting her feeding choices and asked me and DH if we'd mind taking on the other moms night to watch her son. The mom who offered him the burger is P.O'ed with me for saying somethng to her about it. I told her I would have wanted her to do the same if I were in her position and that we may not like each others parenting choices but we have to accept them especially if we consider each other friends. The other mom isn't talking to her and she's not talking to me. I hate drama but I think I did the right thing my saying something. Would you have just stayed out of it? I would be highly upset if I found out the person I was trusting to watch my DD was feeding her items I specifically asked her not to.
post #2 of 89
You did the right thing.
post #3 of 89
Wow. I used to be vegan and I would have really been upset if someone offered my kid meat without my permission.

I think you handled it well. You tried to say something to the other mom about it first and she clearly expressed to you that she didn't respect vegan mom's choices, so then you let vegan mom know.
post #4 of 89
I think you did the right thing. I would absolutely want to know if someone were breaking my trust like that, especially when it comes to my children.
post #5 of 89
You did the right thing.

I love meat, but I can't imagine not respecting a friend's philosophy regarding vegetarianism/veganism. And if your other friend's concern is that the boy "needs" meat for health/development reasons, does she really think that a couple bites of burger once a month are going to have an effect? She was just making an "I know better than you" statement about the other mom's parenting choices, and I think it's good that she was called out about it.
post #6 of 89
Normally I'm a mind your own business kind of person, but I TOTALLY agree that you did the right thing. That's not right at all. Makes you wonder what she's doing to your kid on date night, doesn't it. She just can't be trusted to respect your choices.
post #7 of 89
You totally did the right thing. the other mom is entitled to her opinion that the child needs meat, but to go behind the child's mom's back and sneak the kid meat against specific requests, and then basically lie about it- the vegan mom needed to know that. Sometimes drama is just unavoidable and you did the right thing.
post #8 of 89
You absolutely did the right thing. I'm a meat eater, and I would never give a vegan kid meat. That's awful. IMO it's along the lines of disrespecting a family's religious choices, which is also absolutely off limits.
post #9 of 89
I think you absolutly did the right thing, and I am a DIE HARD red meat lover.

That was just morally WRONG of the other mom. It is NOT up to her to decide what someone elses child NEEDS, especially if he is in a well cared for, well nurished environment. Now if he was emanciated and withdrawn, clearly starving to death, that is one thing. But this mama was being all high and mighty. To me it is the same if I asked my friend to take my kids to the doctor for me cuz I had to work, and she decided they needed their shots because "thats what all kids get". There would be HADES to pay, I can tell you that much!
post #10 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
Normally I'm a mind your own business kind of person, but I TOTALLY agree that you did the right thing. That's not right at all. Makes you wonder what she's doing to your kid on date night, doesn't it. She just can't be trusted to respect your choices.
post #11 of 89
You absolutely did the right thing. If I can't trust my friend to feed my kid what I feel is the right thing for them to eat they aren't my friend.
post #12 of 89
You did the right thing. There was both disrespecting the parent's lifestyle going on, and even possibly causing some minor health issues for the 3-year-old, since some people's digestive systems have to go through a adjustment period (read: the runs, gas pains, digestive discomfort) if they haven't been digesting meat products and eat some.

You don't feed kids things you've been specifically told not to feed them.
post #13 of 89
You were in the right. The mom that is PO'ed at you should realize that its not about weather or not she thinks the child needs meat, its about the fact that she totally disrespected her friends parenting choices. Im sure that there is something that she doesnt allow her child to do. How would she feel if she found out that you were letting her child do whatever it was she had said no to?
post #14 of 89
I think I might have insisted that the meat feeder tell vegan mom first, but otherwise I think it was the right, if uncomfortable thing to do and I'm largely MYOB type too.
post #15 of 89
You did the right thing. I mean this is something that the mom has specified as important and the other mother knows this and is choosing to ignore.

If she's not respecting a mom wishes on this, what else isn't she respecting?

I'd be very happy to be told this. I'd want to know.




this is why MIL will never watch DS. He is allergic to wheat yet she doesn't get what's wrong with cake.
post #16 of 89
i agree with all the PP. you did the right thing, shes just pissed someone found out!
post #17 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by cschick View Post
You did the right thing. There was both disrespecting the parent's lifestyle going on, and even possibly causing some minor health issues for the 3-year-old, since some people's digestive systems have to go through a adjustment period (read: the runs, gas pains, digestive discomfort) if they haven't been digesting meat products and eat some.

You don't feed kids things you've been specifically told not to feed them.
I know a lot of people who get sick if they have food *prepared* too close to read meat. (Like on the same cooking surface.) I would never give a vegan child meat. You totally did the right thing!
post #18 of 89
I agree you did the right thing. And like PPs, I would be wondering if she doesn't respect my parenting choices when I'm not around. I probably would not let her watch my kids again.
post #19 of 89
You definitely did the right thing. One of the reasons I trust a friend here with my kid is because she doesn't give my kid ANYTHING without asking me first... she has been known to ask if my kid can have the same thing on different occassions. She knows my parenting beliefs and will follow them to her best ability.

Also why I won't trust another person to watch my kid. She couldn't care less about food and her husband thinks its NORMAL for small children to have tastes of alcohol. I mean, I literally physically pushed his hand/beer bottle away from my BARELY ONE YEAR OLD'S mouth because he kept insisting that a TASTE wouldn't hurt her and 'all my kids have been drunk from sneaking drinks when I wasn't watching.' His youngest child is 3.
post #20 of 89
You did the right thing. The other friend is upset because she knows what she did was wrong and she got caught.
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