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Should I have minded my own business? Drama - Page 2

post #21 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
That was just morally WRONG of the other mom. It is NOT up to her to decide what someone elses child NEEDS, especially if he is in a well cared for, well nurished environment. Now if he was emanciated and withdrawn, clearly starving to death, that is one thing. But this mama was being all high and mighty. To me it is the same if I asked my friend to take my kids to the doctor for me cuz I had to work, and she decided they needed their shots because "thats what all kids get". There would be HADES to pay, I can tell you that much!
Totally. If nothing else, imagine how sick the poor kid could have gotten! His body isn't used to meat and it's a shock to the system.
post #22 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
Normally I'm a mind your own business kind of person, but I TOTALLY agree that you did the right thing. That's not right at all. Makes you wonder what she's doing to your kid on date night, doesn't it. She just can't be trusted to respect your choices.
post #23 of 89
I'm a very MYOB kind of person, and you definitely did the right thing. The other mom was being really, really disrespectful of the vegan mom's choices. Plus, if the little guy did eat it, and did have any kind of health issue from it, his mom would have had no idea what was wrong!
post #24 of 89
you did the right thing. if the meat-giver is going to be dramatic about it...oh well.
post #25 of 89
I'm seriously appalled that a "friend" would give a vegan kid meat on purpose. Or find it appropriate to hold a belief system that includes the thought "all kids do/get ___".

You totally did the right thing. You know these ladies...how do you think this is going to play out?
post #26 of 89
You did the right thing...and the hard thing. You proved your character..as did the other mother. She's probably embarrassed, as she should be.

I know it hurts that there's anger and hurt between all of you right now, but you didn't do it.

I hope all goes well with the babysitting thing. It sounds like it may be complicated and uncomfortable for awhile. I don't think I'd trust the other mother with my child anyway. She apparently thinks that her way is the only way.
post #27 of 89
This:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TanyaS View Post
You did the right thing. The other friend is upset because she knows what she did was wrong and she got caught.
...and this:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
Makes you wonder what she's doing to your kid on date night, doesn't it. She just can't be trusted to respect your choices.
post #28 of 89
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl View Post
I'm seriously appalled that a "friend" would give a vegan kid meat on purpose. Or find it appropriate to hold a belief system that includes the thought "all kids do/get ___".

You totally did the right thing. You know these ladies...how do you think this is going to play out?
Thank you and everyone else for responding.

To answer your question, it's not playing out well at all and I don't see a happy ending here. The vegan mom is a very relaxed and easy going mama and from my experience it takes a lot to tick her off and she is very hot right now. The other mama is hot with me but I can live with that. She called me again today to air out her issues and I let her have her say. She says as a friend I shouldn't have "ratted" her out. I told her another friends child was involved and if the vegan mom was feeding her son something she clearly knew she shouldn't, I would have done the same thing and as mothers we have to understand how important it is for us to respect each others parenting choices even when we disagree. I'm surprised and extremely annoyed that she's not getting this!

The vegan mom wants nothing to do with her. She's wondering if her son was given meat before and she feels violated and is extremely hurt.

I'm happy to take on the extra day of babysitting for the evening she and her DH need it if she still wants it. She may be uncomfortable about leaving him with anyone at this point and I can't blame her.

This is a very touchy situation because all of our kids get along and we've enjoyed some great times together but there is a major lack of trust going on here. Vegan mom for obvious reasons, meat mom doesn't trust me and I can't trust a person who can't respect her friends choices about child feeding. It's so easy to feed the child what his mom and dad have sent with him. I'm careful to not fuel the fire when vegan mom talks about what happened. I listen. This is just a not good situation. I hope someone would say something to me if the situation were reversed. Meat mom's what's the big deal, you ratted me out thing is juvenille and it's just making me and

Oh, I think another poster asked if the vegan child is emaciated. He is a very healthy child. The other mom would have no reason to think he's unhealthy or needs to eat differently.
post #29 of 89
You did the right thing. I personally would have told meat mom that she had X amount of time to tell her or I would be telling her myself, but that's just me. Either way, vegan mom needed to be told. This isn't drama really, it's about trust and respect for other people's parenting choices. Meat mama needs a lesson in boundaries.
post #30 of 89
Ya know, if it was just absent minded then I wouldn't have worried about it. People don't always think. Even if she was like "meh, one or two bites won't kill him" I probably would have rolled my eyes and minded my own business (but only because I hate conflict). BUT she was clearly on a mission. She thinks his mom is a bad mom and making bad choices and is intentionally undermining her. Not at all ok and something definitely had to be said. It was just going to continue getting worse. I wouldn't worry about her being mad. I mean heaven only knows the ways she would undermine you if your child was alone with her. What ways does she secretly think you are a bad mom? And what did she expect you to do? Side with her against Vegan mom?
post #31 of 89
I think you did the right thing too, she needed to know because obviously with the other mom's attitude that he "needed" it she was just going to continue doing it. We eat meat but there are plenty of other things we'll probably be outside the mainstream on as parents and I would definitely want to know if someone was doing something to contradict my choices for my child behind my back. Even though personally I do worry about the nutrition of kids who eat vegan diets (I was never less healthy than when I was a vegetarian, I just couldn't get enough protein that way) I would still respect the parents' decision on that since it's not my kid.
post #32 of 89
Meat Mom was completely in the wrong and she knows it and was embarrassed she got caught. You did the right thing--the only thing--and Vegan Mom is very lucky to have you as a friend.

I suspect Meat Mom's boundary issues are not limited to food, so it's probably best that you learned about her unfortunate lack of respect for others' parenting choices in such a relatively harmless way.

post #33 of 89
I applaud you for speaking up.
post #34 of 89
Oh my gosh, I am just livid reading your post. The other mom is angry that you told the truth to vegan mom about what she was doing with vegan mom's child? Even if were just playing in the backyard, parents have the right to know the truth. It is clear the other mom was trying to be deceitful and horrid. I hope you completely cut off that friendship and never ever leave your children alone around her ever again. You never know what she would do. Don't fool yourself in to thinking this would be an isolated incident. Maybe the next time, it will be a toddler unsupervised around water, or a little benedryl to get your child to be sleepy instead of running around. God only knows what she will do. If she was really that ok with what she was pulling, she would have had no problem with the vegan mom knowing. People like this do this all the time. I would not ever believe she is not pulling things on you with your children behind your back. Or anyone else's.


You completely did the right thing!
post #35 of 89
You did the right thing. If you were my child, I'd ask if you stood up for repectful behaviour.

The mum who offered the meat is now asking you to respect her actions. She's asking you to back her up on a moral issue but she acted unethically. It isn't about whether eating meat is wrong or right... it is about whether or not you can trust someone.

I feel sorry that you have to tell her she broke the bond of trust that the three moms had.
post #36 of 89
It would have been one thing if she had made a mistake and not realized that a food had something non-vegan in it...but to OFFER meat to the child?! You did the right thing by telling the mama!
post #37 of 89
Yup, you're totally in the right and the meat mom is totally in the wrong. We eat veggie at home, and a friend we exchanged childcare with were big meat eaters. She asked me if I minded DD having some because it's hard to keep toddlers from wanting one another's food. But she asked in advance! (For the record, I said poultry and fish were okay, but no beef or pork.) DD tried some, but very little did she like.

What meat mom did is exactly like feeding a Jewish child pork. It's just morally wrong. I can't imagine how anyone could do that on purpose! If she had held out a piece, and when you called her said "oh, shoot! What was I thinking?" and got the kids' actual food, then I would probably not have told, even if the kid ate a bite of the burger first. That to me is an accident, and when it's not an anaphylactic allergy, I think saving the friendship would be more important.
post #38 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
Meat Mom was completely in the wrong and she knows it and was embarrassed she got caught.
I agree! Her embarrassment is probably what's fueling her anger, but I think you're handling it wonderfully. You didn't try to avoid her, you didn't deny it, and you explained your reasoning. Kudos!
post #39 of 89
Im not vegan and im po'd for that mom Like another poster said I really dont think that its just a "little piece of meat" but a sign of a bigger problem that that mom has w/the vegan mom.

I see it as someone who has made that choice (to be vegan) is doing so for whatever reason just as I dont give my children certain foods (family allergies) and I would be LIVID if I knew someone else thought it was their right to undermine my say as their parent and give it to them anyway.

the other mom is just mad she got caught and really your a good friend for telling the vegan mom. I knwo that I would want to know if I were in that situation
post #40 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
Oh, I think another poster asked if the vegan child is emaciated. He is a very healthy child. The other mom would have no reason to think he's unhealthy or needs to eat differently.
I didnt ask, I used that as a for instance situation where perhaps someones food choices could be QUESTIONED, but still not completly defied in such a sneaky way.
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