Should I have minded my own business? Drama - Page 3

[Iucounu]

People are animal protein eaters by nature, and I have serious doubts that a vegan diet is best for a three-year-old. Still, I don't think you were wrong-- and like someone else pointed out, a bit of hamburger every so often is not going to really change things.

[OkiMom]

It would be one thing for the meat mom to bring it up in a friendly "I'm concerned" sort of way. Another way totally for her to go behind her friends back and feed the child meat knowing its not something that she should be doing. I don't mind (and at times even appreciate it) when a close friend questions something I'm doing because they are worried about me/my children/whatever because even though I might not agree we are friends and they were just looking out for me.. HOWEVER, if something ever blatantly violated something they knew I believed in then I would be ticked. You don't go behind someone's back and violate their parenting philosophy like that.

OP, you were totally in the right by telling the Vegan mom about the incident. I hope that if a friend were to do something against my parenting philosophy in front of another one of my friends then my friend would have the courage to do what you did.

[laohaire]

Here's the question to ask Meat Mom if she rants on you again:

If you didn't do anything wrong, why weren't you willing to tell Vegan Mom what you were doing yourself?

[earthmama369]

Anyone else kind of hoping the Meat Mom (*lol* love it) wanders in here and sees how universal the opinion is that she made an unethical choice? That it's not just the OP and Vegan Mom being uptight? If Meat Mom keeps her current attitude, she's going to keep running into problems. Time for her to admit she made a mistake and change her thinking a bit.

[One_Girl]

I think you did the right thing. People are sometimes vegans for moral and religious reasons and it would really tick me off if someone was actively pushing my dd away from our moral values or religion behind my back. That is not what friends do.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

Anyone else kind of hoping the Meat Mom (*lol* love it) wanders in here and sees how universal the opinion is that she made an unethical choice? That it's not just the OP and Vegan Mom being uptight? If Meat Mom keeps her current attitude, she's going to keep running into problems. Time for her to admit she made a mistake and change her thinking a bit.

Yeah really. How often does everyone in a thread agree? LOL. This is one of the most clear-cut WWYDs I've seen.

[Bellabaz]

I think that in this case it was the right thing to do. For me its comparable to a Christian friend trusting you to watch their child and you telling them there is no God. To be vegan you have a very strong beliefs against using animal products and for the woman to just disregarg that is huge.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by EviesMom

What meat mom did is exactly like feeding a Jewish child pork. It's just morally wrong.

YEP.

I am in no way vegan, we love meat, but the vegans I know are, for the most part, vegans for moral/ethical reasons and strongly held beliefs.

What the "Meat Mom" (love the nicknames) did was basically an attack on someone's moral/religious belief. That's really shockingly reprehensible.

Like others said... it's not even a case of "oh, that vegan mom is silly, hamburger won't hurt," [although it probably would in a kid not used to it] it's a case of "what I say about kids goes, and their moms are wrong."

And there is no way in HELL I'd want to leave my child with someone who held that attitude.

[ollyoxenfree]

It couldn't have been easy to do the right thing. It's too bad that things are so uncomfortable right now, but I hope you don't feel responsible in any way for the bad feelings. That's entirely on the other mom who doesn't respect other people's choices. I really admire your actions.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by laohaire

You did the right thing.

: I haven't read the whole thread, but wanted to say that you did do the right thing. I wouldn't be friends with someone who did this to another child, because what *else* will they do that is against the parents wishes? And what might they do to my child?

Sometimes doing the right this is hard, but you did the right thing.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Originally Posted by gbailey

Thank you and everyone else for responding.

She called me again today to air out her issues and I let her have her say. She says as a friend I shouldn't have "ratted" her out.

Well, I agree with everyone else, and you should point out to this woman that you wouldn't have to rat her out if she wouldn't do things she clearly knows are wrong. If she thought it was okay, she would have told vegan mom herself.

[NellieKatz]

You did the right thing. I am a new, mostly-vegan & DH and DS are not. But my jaw dropped when I read your story. That mom was WRONG. And if she really wanted to make the case that the child needs meat or something, she should take it up with the vegan mom. To be sneaky is morally wrong, it's lazy and shows lack of character on her part. So there. :-)

You know (you see, now I'm thinking of another angle) there was recently a story about how most mainstream hamburg contains creepy pink slime and I think ammonia or some such thing. Whatever. But the point is, there are things out there that ARE or CAN BE harmful if they're made in a crappy way (like how almost half of tested samples of commercial high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) contained mercury), so absolutely unless she has done her homework AND talked to the mom first, she should stay the hell OUT of that other kid's dietary decisions. I feel a rant coming on. Time to go....

[Arduinna]

I think you did the right thing too. I wouldn't trust her to watch my child, because she doesn't respect the rights of other parents.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by earthmama369

Anyone else kind of hoping the Meat Mom (*lol* love it) wanders in here and sees how universal the opinion is that she made an unethical choice? That it's not just the OP and Vegan Mom being uptight? If Meat Mom keeps her current attitude, she's going to keep running into problems. Time for her to admit she made a mistake and change her thinking a bit.

Eh, you're all over reacting. What Meat Mom did was A-OK.


OP, regarding drama, this mom created it all herself when she pushed the meat on your friend's child, and then complained to you for ratting her out. Sad.

[whoanellie]

I'm vegetarian and so is my very healthy, organic eating, off the charts for height and weight, DD. I have been vegetarian for 18 years and I consider it akin to religion, based on my personal morals and ethics. When my daughter is old enough to weigh the facts, she can absolutle decide for herself. I understand I am in a minority and I would never criticize anyone for eating meat, but these are MY decisions for MY family.
In my view what meat mom did was akin to offering a Jewish child bacon. It was disrespectful, and futhermore, completely morally reprehensible.
You did the right thing. If she can't follow and respect simple instructions from a parent, she has no right to be watching anyone's child.

I am a very easy going person and parent but if I were vegan mom I would have seriously lost my cool.

Good for you for being a good friend.

[bonamarq]

My question to YOU , OP, all the drama aside, given this type of behavior is she someone you REALLY want to be friends with? I know it's hard and we sometimes connect with other moms on alot of different levels or just really enjoy their sense of humor/company. I can sometimes compartmentalize things and maintain a friendship despite what I see as a major difference/character flaw - I hate that term b/c it sounds elitist & judgemental but in some cases it fits - case in point a friend/co-worker and I get along well and have kids the same age - but she is a terrible gossip and on top of it usually just has really nasty or complaining things to say about EVERYONE - but she's funny and often fun to be with and her son is one of the few kids my dd plays with...

This could be a thread all it's own - but what do you all think - how much 'difference in values' do you/can you tolerate?


In Meat mom's case it would be hard but I could get past it - but if SHE continues with the drama then I would consider myself better off without her in my life

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I also agree you did the right thing. It might be different if "Meat Mom" had put down her hamburger and "Vegan Child" had come up and, of his own volition, managed to grab and eat a piece of burger before anyone could stop him.

[Cascadian]

Originally Posted by bonamarq

My question to YOU , OP, all the drama aside, given this type of behavior is she someone you REALLY want to be friends with?

This could be a thread all it's own - but what do you all think - how much 'difference in values' do you/can you tolerate?

She stole my post

You were absolutely, totally, completely in the right. You can say to her, what if Vegan family were Jewish/Muslim and she was slippin' 'em bacon on the side? No difference in the wrongness of it all.

I'm horrified. All friendly feelings towards this woman would immediately disappear. I wouldn't trust her with my own kids.

[Norasmomma]

My best friend is a vegan and though she doesn't have kids if she did I absolutely would tell her if someone did that, it's morally wrong.

[elmh23]

You did the right thing. A friend of mine is veggie and I respect that when I watch her kid. Occasionaly she'll ask me to offer her kids meat if they're staying over meal time (her parents do and since her son has food allergies, she's let go of some of her rules), but I do NOT do it unless she asks!