Should I have minded my own business? Drama - Page 5

[Katielady]

Originally Posted by mattemma04

I would probably cut my ties with the mom as I would not feel comfortable leaving my kids with her even if she did apologise.

Me too. It's unfortunate, but once trust is an issue it's really hard to get it back. I cut ties with a lovely babysitter who my kids adored...she was supposed to pick up my son from preschool and bring him home, she was really late and made an excuse when I called to find out what was taking so long. But then my son told me later that she had stopped at the McDonald's drivethrough. She didn't feed him anything (she was just starving and wanted to get lunch before coming to our place) but she took him to a location I hadn't authorized and lied about it when I called wondering where they were. If she had simply kept me in the loop it would have been OK, but once I knew about the lying and going behind my back, I could never trust her again. What if she was letting my almost 2yo cry the whole time and telling me she was fine? What if she was feeding them stuff I'd said wasn't OK? Talking on the phone the whole time and ignoring them? It opens up pandora's box of paranoia and it's hard to close it again.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

You know, i mentioned this thread to a friend (who i consider to be very intelligent) and she said "but don't you remember those kids that starved because their parents made them be vegan!?" and i vaguely did, so i looked it up. I notice that many stories of vegan children who starved their children make it into the news (and of course NONE of the thousands and thousands more who raise healthy, normal children on a vegan diet). Perhaps Meat Mom genuinely believes the child is suffering and needs the meat? Obviously that doesn't make it right that she would do it behind his mother's back!

I remember a case like that as well. It happened in NY. The mother was a vegan but I believe they were living in filth and the mom was just not feeding the children at all.

The child in question though is definitely not a victim of poor nutrition especially not from looking at him. He's a healthy child, active, etc. If I thought he was malnourished I would say something to the mother myself especially since he's left in my care on occasion and we're friends. I've never had any concerns about his health based on the way he's fed.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by SunshineJ

Sometimes it's not easy to do the right thing, and the results aren't always pleasant - but the true mark of character is that a person does indeed do the right thing. I commend you for this, as you surely knew this wouldn't go well.

I am going to disagree with the observations that Meat Mom is embarressed. People only get embarressed in situations like this if they were caught doing something they felt was wrong, and she doesn't believe that her actions were improper. I'd guess that in her mind she was doing the "right" thing to "save" this child and you ratted her out and caused the drama. Clearly this is a load of bunk, and you did what any responsible friend would do.

What continues to strike me about this whole thing is that the Vegan Mom sent acceptable food with her child. I could see it if the other mom didn't realize something had meat in it or just didn't have anything else to feed him, but the food was already provided. That alone speaks of the dedication the Vegan Mom has to this diet, and to blatently disregard that is rude, insulting, potentially dangerous and very dishonorable. Her continued defense of her actions says that she doesn't get it and probably never will.

Speaking from experience, I doubt the 3 of you will be friends again. The Vegan Mom may move past it, but it won't be the same. This is not your fault for speaking up, but the fault of the Meat Mom who's actions and attitude were unacceptable. ((Hugs!)) I know this can't be an easy situation to be in the middle of, but you definitely did the right thing!

You're right and I'm not sad about it. Here's an update. Over the weekend meat mom called me. When I saw her number on the caller id I hoped she was calling to claim temporary insanity and be apologetic.

Instead she wanted to know why vegan mom won't talk to her and doesn't see the big deal. I told her that's the reason why no one is interested in talking to her and told her I can't trust someone who would do that. She made some less than kind comments about me that had absolutely nothing to do with the situation so I said good bye and hung up.

[BarefootScientist]

OP, I am sorry you had to deal with all this. Losing friendships sucks.

I of course agree that you were right to tell Vegan Mom.

And, I have to say, I don't think I have EVER seen a unanimous thread in Parenting before!

[Marissamom]

you were absolutely right in telling the boy's mom. a child who has been raised completely vegetarian, especially one who has been raised vegan, cannot digest meat, it can actually make the kid really, really sick depending on how much they eat. so not only was offering him hamburger disrespectful of his parents' choices, it could have been really dangerous.

[sapphire_chan]

Deceptive, passive aggressive, manipulative, disrespectful. Hmm, congratulations on getting a chance to drop her as a friend!

10 to 1 when she tells this story to other people she claims the 3 yo asked for the burger.

[colsxjack]

I also agree that you did the right thing.

A friend of mine was raised in a vegetarian household. Her mother and father were already vegetarian hippies when she was born in the early 70's. The grandparents didn't agree with their lifestyle. The grandparents secretly fed my friend meat whenever they watched her. It always made her unwell. Her parents didn't put two and two together until my friend was 3 and my friend ended up so sick that she ended up in the ER. The grandparents had fed her beef and she had a severe reaction to the antibiotics in the meat. She was OK in the end. And the tremendous guilt the grandparents felt for making the child sick stopped that behaviour. Although, they only agreed to the vegetarianism for the grandchild because of her allergy.

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by SunshineJ

I am going to disagree with the observations that Meat Mom is embarressed. People only get embarressed in situations like this if they were caught doing something they felt was wrong, and she doesn't believe that her actions were improper. I'd guess that in her mind she was doing the "right" thing to "save" this child and you ratted her out and caused the drama.

Unfortunately 'Meat Mom's' actions do not surprise me. So many people feel raising children vegan or even vegetarian is unhealthy and it is their responsibility to convert the family to become meat-eaters. My veggie children are nutritionally healthy but I still hear comments about their diet. I do not believe anyone has ever fed them meat but I have had people try to entice them to eat meat, tell them how much they are missing by not eating meat, etc. I have one friend who brings a jello dish to our house every time she is invited for dinner. I've explained the gelatin issue but she feels it is horrible my children are missing out on Jell-O!

OP...I agree w/the pp's; you did the right thing.

[Aubergine68]

Originally Posted by BarefootScientist

:
And, I have to say, I don't think I have EVER seen a unanimous thread in Parenting before!

I was thinking that too....


OP, you rock. Thanks for standing up for vegan mom's right to make choices for her son.