Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?

[Maine Mama Doula]

I am a situational drinker, if there is such a thing. Each time when I found out I was pregnant, I quit drinking alcohol, but with all of my children, I drank during the first month, before my BFP. I was always told not to worry about it, it's fine.

So I was doing some research because I think I might be pregnant again. I had a miscarriage last month and I have been drinking since. I've never researched FAS and in doing so, a lightbulb went off. I am in tears. I think my son has either FAS or FAE.

He is 3. One kidney did not fully develop prenatally and his body absorbed it after birth. He now has only one functioning kidney. At 9 months, he couldn't catch himself if he fell from a sitting position. We put him in physical therapy where he remained until 6 months ago. He is still significantly behind in his large motor skills, but he needs to be behind in 2 or more areas to stay in therapy. I'm concerned that he has sensory issues. I have always considered him high-needs. He has little-to-no appetite and it is a constant struggle to get him to eat. The lightbulb went off when I started looking at pictures. His upper lip is thin and he has a smooth philtrum. His ears are larger with large folds. His eyes are smaller and squinty I guess, but so are my husband's.

He has a well-check soon and I am so scared to even say the words. How could I do this to my baby? I am dying a little inside, writing this.

Here's a link to a Facebook photo album where there are pictures of my son.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

The lightbulb went off when I started looking at pictures. His upper lip is thin and he has a smooth philtrum. His ears are larger with large folds. His eyes are smaller and squinty I guess, but so are my husband's.

He has a well-check soon and I am so scared to even say the words. How could I do this to my baby? I am dying a little inside, writing this.

I'm not an expert, but we fostered drug-exposed infants that are USUALLY also affected by FAS or FAE because when moms come down from their high, they soften the blow with alcohol. So we know what to look for. Your description is partially right. The lip & philtrum are definitely some flags to look for. Large ears notsomuch, but "tipped" ears--where the top part kind of droops down--are. Squinty eyes notsomuch, but wideset eyes/wide nasal bridge are. Also, wide set nipples on the chest (which can be misleading if a child is underweight--they can look wide set when they're not. Also, the chin being less prominent--almost like the chin isn't really there and it goes right to neck.

These are some of the red flags.

That being said, a lot of what you described in his issues can happen without it being FAS/FAE. My son had a battery of issues (physical and developmental) that were pretty severe and I never drank. I also think that as I see foster kids get older, I see a lot of foster and adoptive parents blaming a lot of things on FAS/FAE that affect the general population (I was a high school electives teacher and had a TON of students with IEPs). Not to say that it doesn't exist, just that a lot of the effects evident in FAE especially (the less severe dx) also exist in the general population of kids with non-drinking parents. So really, it's extremely difficult to know for sure.

I'm not going to tell you not to feel your feelings. I think every mom takes pause and considers "Did I do this" no matter what the situation. I know I did. I hope for you that you can move past that stage of things to speak the words to your doctor if you feel it's necessary. Frankly, a diagnosis isn't going to change anything. We went through this with my son and realized that at the end of the day, everyone has to treat the issues as they are regardless of the diagnosis; and sometimes with a label, they pop your child into a template instead of looking at them for what THEY are and what THEY need vs. what the dx dictates.

I have to run, but wanted to post. Hugs to you.

[KatWrangler]

[beachcomber]

Like the PP says, this may not be FAS/FAE. Your son may just have something else going on. Don't beat yourself up over this. It's in the past and now you must look to the future and do what you feel is best for him. Labels don't change how therapies, treatments and care are organized, you know?

[~Em~]

(((Hugs))) I will leave the discussion about your son to the professionals, but this is concerning:

I had a miscarriage last month and I have been drinking since.

"Situational drinker" is a vague term. You are an alcoholic. While it may be triggered by stress or other situations, you are still an alcoholic. I'm not going to lecture you about drinking in pregnancy - I'm sure you already know the risks. But you cannot be an effective mother while you are drinking - you can lie to yourself and say things are fine since you aren't pregnant, but it's not true. Further, since you are apparently TTC or at least not preventing, you need to get help and treatment well before you get pregnant again.

Please call AA, your doctor, or some other professional who can help you - even if you never have another child, please do it - if not for yourself - then for your beautiful babies who need and deserve their mother more than anything. I wish you well.

[Maine Mama Doula]

Thank you all for being supportive so far. I was so scared of being crucified for having drank at all while pregnant. Drinking, in any amount, seems to be frowned upon around here.

[Maine Mama Doula]

Originally Posted by ~Em~

(((Hugs))) IWhile it may be triggered by stress or other situations, you are still an alcoholic.

Thanks for the label. That helps. Let's please keep the discussion to my questions surrounding my son, please.

[D_McG]

how far into your pregnancy with this child did you find out you were pregnant? If it was a 'normal' time (like 14 dpo or whatever) and you quit then I can't imagine the child has FAE/FAS. I was under the impression that the fetus is protected in some way until 6 weeks. I mean countless people have unexpected pregnancies and drink until that point.

I can't see your pics for some reason.

Have you consulted a geneticist about your son's issues? The facial irregularies you describe could be a number of things I would think?

[KatWrangler]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

Thank you all for being supportive so far. I was so scared of being crucified for having drank at all while pregnant. Drinking, in any amount, seems to be frowned upon around here.

We will support you anyway we can. But you need to get help if you haven't already.

[jennabean]

I understand your worry and concern My son had some differences we couldn't figure out and I practically made myself vomit one night googling FAS, convinced that the few drinks I'd had had 'caused' his problems... it was a horrible feeling.

As it turns out my son has a genetic condition, 22q11 that happened the second sperm and egg met... please, don't continue to torture yourself and share your concerns with your ped and get a referral to a geneticist if you think its necessary.

I don't know much in depth knowledge about FAS but it just doesn't seem likely that a few drinks before your bfp caused this, nor a recent miscarriage... I disagree with the pp, only YOU know if your alcohol consumption is a problem. Search your soul and follow it accordingly. I enjoy a glass or two of chardonnay in the evenings and my kids are 2 and 6... I hardly think it puts my parenting in jeopardy.

I wish you and yours all the best and hope you find some peace and resolution soon

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by D_McG

how far into your pregnancy with this child did you find out you were pregnant? If it was a 'normal' time (like 14 dpo or whatever) and you quit then I can't imagine the child has FAE/FAS. I was under the impression that the fetus is protected in some way until 6 weeks. I mean countless people have unexpected pregnancies and drink until that point.

I can't see your pics for some reason.

Have you consulted a geneticist about your son's issues? The facial irregularies you describe could be a number of things I would think?

Ditto above,

lots of people get pregnant unknowingly and drink in the first few weeks....my SIL worried about it a lot since she was on vacation and partied pretty hard the weeks before she found out she was expecting, she did find out by 5 weeks though.

I would talk to your Dr. Address concerns you had and the reasons behind them...

If you honestly stopped drinking very early on in pregnancy and did not drink during, it is most likely not FAE/FAS. But if you did drink during pregnancy and/or far into it before you stopped (past 6 weeks or so) I would look into some resources and some specialty appointments to get your DC evaluated.


I would also find out for sure if you are pregnant and if so/if not. Still seek some professional help for dealing with your loss and the concerns you have with your DC- they can also help you find other outlets for stress than drinking and get a realistic handle on if it is a problem or not.

*Hugs* if they told you before it was not FAS/FAE and you were honest on your drinking habits then no worries on that front. If you have concerns, get an evaluation- a lot of syndromes and other things can mimic FAS facial characteristics and behaviors.

[Maine Mama Doula]

I found out with each child at about 4-5 weeks pregnant. I was never drinking a lot, maybe 1-2 drinks in an evening. I just started reading because I have decided to start avoiding once this cycle is through. We didn't prevent early on this cycle because I was still grieving. I have lots of other ways to cope than alcohol. I've just been overindulging recently. All of the reading I did made me consider my son. He just doesn't look like my other children (of course, he's the only boy) and he is delayed more than the other two as well. He was born 2-3 weeks earlier than the others as well (induced, SROM). I guess I'm just looking for a reason.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

I found out with each child at about 4-5 weeks pregnant. I was never drinking a lot, maybe 1-2 drinks in an evening.

I don't possibly see how the child could have FAE/FAS in that case. I don't even think that amount, daily for a full pregnancy would cause FAS.

[Maine Mama Doula]

All the reading pretty much says any amount of alcohol can hurt, especially in the first trimester; hence, my concerns. I most certainly was drinking and I can't be certain when I did what with which pregnancy. I think I may have had a binge night during those first couple of weeks with him, but I don't remember for certain. That's why I can't rule it out.

[marinak1977]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

All the reading pretty much says any amount of alcohol can hurt, especially in the first trimester; hence, my concerns.

All of the information on alcohol in pregnancy available on the internet is highly unscientific, and is mostly motivated by social norms, not studies. I really don't think "you caused this". It is unlikely to be FAS.

[lisalu100]

I absolutely cannot believe that somebody would come on here and accuse the OP of being an alcoholic, without even knowing HOW MUCH SHE DRANK. It is absolutely appalling. OP, it sounds like you didn't take that person too seriously, and I am glad. Many midwives will tell you you that an occasional glass of wine towards the end of pregnancy is fine. And many people drink while TTC, don't beat yourself up about it.

[lisalu100]

And as for not being an effective mother while drinking... I'm certain that the two glasses of wine I have tonight once 14 mo DD is in bed won't affect my mothering.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by Maine Mama Doula

All the reading pretty much says any amount of alcohol can hurt, especially in the first trimester; hence, my concerns. I most certainly was drinking and I can't be certain when I did what with which pregnancy. I think I may have had a binge night during those first couple of weeks with him, but I don't remember for certain. That's why I can't rule it out.

If it was honestly 1-2 drinks per night, I would try to stay calm. While, no, it's not great to be drinking like that when you are pregnant, I think the chances of it being FAE/FAS are pretty slim.

The "no drinking" through pregnancy rule is pretty recent. Dh and I are 50, and when he and I were kids, it was absolutely the norm for every woman in our parents' social circles to have a cocktail or two before dinner, and they were never told not to drink while pregnant. I don't know any of my contemporaries who had FAE/FAS.

The "any alcohol can hurt" thing comes from the fact that nobody really knows where the cut off is, so better safe than sorry.

FAE/FAS is also difficult to diagnose in very young children. I would say that if you are concerned, you should have your child evaluated by someone who knows what they are doing.

[Maine Mama Doula]

Originally Posted by EFmom

FAE/FAS is also difficult to diagnose in very young children. I would say that if you are concerned, you should have your child evaluated by someone who knows what they are doing.

That wouldn't be my ped, who didn't diagnose DD2 with a potentially fatal, yet surgically correctable, heart defect. Instead, he treated her for GERD and she had to nearly die before I got the referral and treatment she needed.

So I guess my next move would be to just keep an eye out. I think we're treating him correctly whether or not he has FAE. He just started pre-K a couple of weeks ago and they already want CDS to evaluate, which I totally expected. Our well-check is next week and I've already mentioned his sensory issues. He rarely eats at school, maybe a piece of bread...never breakfast.

I'm on top of everything, and he is in a very loving and nurturing environment. I discovered MDC when he was born and when we really started with the natural parenting (mostly cloth diapers, babywearing, and AP). I'm not sure about the FAE...I thought DD2 had GERD like the pediatrician said too...but I do think something bigger is going on that would make all the little pieces fit.

[jeminijad]

Originally Posted by ~Em~

"Situational drinker" is a vague term. You are an alcoholic. While it may be triggered by stress or other situations, you are still an alcoholic. I'm not going to lecture you about drinking in pregnancy - I'm sure you already know the risks. But you cannot be an effective mother while you are drinking - you can lie to yourself and say things are fine since you aren't pregnant, but it's not true. Further, since you are apparently TTC or at least not preventing, you need to get help and treatment well before you get pregnant again.

Please call AA, your doctor, or some other professional who can help you - even if you never have another child, please do it - if not for yourself - then for your beautiful babies who need and deserve their mother more than anything. I wish you well.

Do you know this person? How could you possibly make a statement like this from just the information in the OP?