Good Friend's Bday Party at Alpha/Omega Movie - I'm confused

[lerlerler]

My DD is 6 and just moved schools and a friend at her old school invited her to her party (I think this is relavant because keeping this girl a friend is important to DD and hard due to new school - and I like her)

It's a drop off at the alpha/omega movie which according to http://www.commonsensemedia.org/movi...-any-good-main

is a bit violent (and my DD could very well be quite scared- she's a gentle soul)
a bit of sexual innuendo (which I am guessing she won't get)
they peg it's age appropriateness at NINE!!
And the 3D glasses may freak her out

A quick call to her Mom confirmed DROP OFF!!! (they will be standing outside by the sign and blahblah)

And expressing concerns with the Mom is tough due to a language / culture barrier

LOVE the Mom though

I let her go... Right?

[sebandg'smama]

Nope, you don't let her go if you know it will scare her.

See if they are having pizza or whatnot after the party, if your dd can meet up with them after the movie.
If not there are many ways to foster their friendship outside of this birthday party.

My ds would be sad when I said no to scary movies that were not age-appropriate. I would explain to him that it was not good for him, he was able to make the connection early on the effect of a scary movie/tv show and his nightmares.

-Melanie

[lerlerler]

OP here...
Just showed her the trailer on a tiny screen with no 3d glasses. she seemed frightened.

we are discussing the "pizza before then I pick you up" option. She is quite open to it.... almost her idea

I think I am going to let her decide with the promise that "drop off" means "Mom will be less than 3 minutes away and if you need me, have them call"

I forget how wise she is - she knows it may be too much

[MusicianDad]

If your gut is telling you this movie would be too frightening for your DD, then no you don't let her go. Try and explain as best you can though. The other mom may understand better than you think.

If there is an after party else where, you can arrange for her to be there. If not then maybe arrange for a special get together on another day where your DD can give this girl her present (if there is one) and they can do something together that isn't part of a normal play date.

ETA because we posted at the same time: If your DD expresses the opinion of not wanting to see the movie, that definitely makes the choice for you.

[sebandg'smama]

Just don't underestimate the power of peer pressure. I always tell my sensitive ds to use me always as his excuse "My mom won't let me". It gives him/saves face when he knows it's something he does not want to see, but feels like he "should" because his friends want him there.

-Melanie

[limabean]

Originally Posted by sebandg'smama

Just don't underestimate the power of peer pressure. I always tell my sensitive ds to use me always as his excuse "My mom won't let me". It gives him/saves face when he knows it's something he does not want to see, but feels like he "should" because his friends want him there.

-Melanie

My mom always let me use her as my excuse too, and I remember feeling so grateful even in high school! We haven't really run into it yet, but I definitely plan on doing the same with my kids.

OP, I think your solution of your DD going to the non-movie part of the party sounds perfect.

[zebra15]

She doesnt 'need' to go to the movie. Your DD doesn't 'need' to go to the party. As others have said if there is a pizza, icecream etc she can go to that if she wants, or you can arrange another play date with the girl.

I switched schools in 5th grade, many many years ago and lost touch with friends (decades before email lol) and while it was said I made new friends and had fun in the process.

Wait a sec... I just saw your DD is SIX?? why cant you buy a ticket and sit a few rows behind her.. there is NO WAY i would let my 6 yr old go to a 'drop off' at the movies... sorry but I am NOT dropping off, letting you stand outside under the sign, etc... I do not care what the other moms say that is just NOT going to happen. I would not let my 10 yr old do that. I would probably still buy my own ticket and sit somewhere in the theater a couple rows back.

Six yrs old... nope, not gonna happen

[mumm]

Can she be *late* and skip the movie and just join in for cake and stuff after? We've done that before when I felt the movie was innappropriate. I'd let the mom know you'll be late so she doesn't get a ticket for her.

[EviesMom]

We did that for the same movie last weekend actually, with a 6 year old. DH went with DD and we let them know that he'd be going even though it was drop off. She usually finds stuff scary, but said this wasn't (DH thinks because she was giggling with her friend and not really watching it) and lots went over her head. I would let your child decide, and one option should be to go with a grown up and leave if need be.

[mamazee]

I think you did the right thing - showed her the preview, discussed possible problems, and let her decide.

Out of curiosity to Zebra15, why wouldn't you let even a 10-year-old be dropped of at a movie party? Is it specifically about being at a movie theater? Or the drop-off thing? Not trying to be argumentative, just wondering what potential problems you're seeing, as I've let my 8-year-old go to the movies with friends and haven't thought of anything to worry about.

[beanma]

Oh, I'd just go too. It's a movie. You can buy a ticket, right, unless they rented out the whole theatre. If she's not interested I think letting her use you as an excuse would be fine. My dds have always been very sensitive and I just go to the parties, too. I don't have to eat any pizza or anything and I can pay for my own tickets, but I'm there to support my kids.

Pretty much, I just ignore the drop-off part. I figure that's always optional as long as I don't make it a financial issue for the host (need another ticket) or eat up all the food or try to direct the party. In most cases I figure they'd rather have me there taking care of my kid than a crying, upset kid "ruining" the party with no parent available. I try to fade into the woodwork or help out by handing out plates or pouring drinks.

[lerlerler]

OP here:

As to the "drop off" aspect.
This is her first drop off party. I think there will be six girls and three adults ( well, one is her 17 year old sister) I've decided that I am comfortable with this ratio... but I'm fairly certain I will lurk and yes perhaps buy a ticket...

I think we need to go back to the days of pagers.... I need an "eject" button that my DD can hit that sends out the "bat signal" that means pick me up NOW!!

[zebra15]

Originally Posted by mamazee

I think you did the right thing - showed her the preview, discussed possible problems, and let her decide.

Out of curiosity to Zebra15, why wouldn't you let even a 10-year-old be dropped of at a movie party? Is it specifically about being at a movie theater? Or the drop-off thing? Not trying to be argumentative, just wondering what potential problems you're seeing, as I've let my 8-year-old go to the movies with friends and haven't thought of anything to worry about.

IMO DS is just too young for a drop off at the theater. Movie drop offs are something that is reserved for when he is older (12 and up most likely). Theaters tend to have the potential for problems with kids and even tho this particular situation with the OP will have supervision, kids basically unsupervised in a dark theater, that is just asking for trouble.

I also dont allow drop offs at the bounce and jump place, the indoor playland, the mall, anything. DS knows someone has to be with him, either myself or another kids parents.

Call me strict, over protective, whatever... thats just my 'rule'. We live in the city, most of the above activies would be on the bus line, near a freeway. Kids go missing from here all.the.time... we are 2 hrs from the border.

[Holiztic]

Can you arrange a get together for the two of them the next day or next weekend? Like you take them somewhere special?

I wouldn't send her, but then again, we'll probably just be starting movies with DS at 5 or 6, like old school G rated stuff--in our home, with us. We're very media-conservative, though quite liberal otherwise.

[oceanbaby]

We just saw this movie today. It's pretty dumb and kind of boring, and you're right that she won't get any of the "sexual" references - neither of my kids did. I wouldn't say it's violent, but there are a few kind of scary wolf growling/fighting scenes.

But, if after seeing the preview she still wants to go, I'd just go with her. I can't see any reason why that would be a problem.

[midnightwriter]

My two very sensitive kids saw it (8 and 5.5). Honestly, if it were just me, I would not have taken them to see it, based on reviews, but I'd "given up" the movie realm to DH--he adores taking them to the movies, and it their special thing. The kids loved it, and didn't find it scary.

I wonder if the previews incorporate the worst of the scary scenes--they usually do try to.

If it were me in that situation, I'd take her to see the movie with me, with the option of walking out if needed. It is good to help the kids to learn how to self-censor. Then she could go and see it with the party, or arrive after the movie, based on her reaction.

They don't socialise much during the movie, so coming right after doesn't seem to be an issue either. I doubt they will be discussing the movie as much. Or I could be wrong.