My heart just jumped out of my chest and ran after my new preschooler

[tammylsmith]

Ok, so this is going to be a very obvious post, but my heart is so heavy tonight and at the same time it seems to have wings. I felt pulled in two directions as my baby girl (3) lined up like a big girl with her pre-k classmates and her almost-too-big backpack and sparkly maryjane shoes. In her hands were clutched some pink carnations to give her new teacher. On one side of me... utter joy and pride at the little person she is becoming and jubilation at the whole two and a half hour stretch unfolding before me... time to enjoy my baby boy (5 months) and enjoy some relative peace and quiet. I know how much she adores her teacher and how she and all of her little friends are so happy playing together, and she is learning so much! Her confidence is blooming and I am so happy to see her master new territory.

On the other side, shear panic, like my heart will stop! Wasn't this my little babe, weaned and barely out of diapers just a year ago? Her cute baby self is melting away to an equally cute but less babyish self, and I fear my heart will break, and I will leave behind all of the adorable small-child moments (her inexplicable fear of stairways and windows, her asking me to sit in a certain chair at dinner to "pretect me from the pokeymans (her imaginary "boogey man"), the certain way she hugs my neck when she awakes and stumbles into the living room in the evening, half asleep and dragging her toy kitty behind her, and I scoop her up to go back to bed.

I know I am completely being captain obvious here, and that you all feel the exact same way, lol, but I have to write it down and commiserate. I love being a mommy, but it makes my heart feel a little schizophrenic as it soars and breaks in the same moment! I also know my kids are still babies, so I have many more heartaches/joys to go ahead, but first day of preschool was a biggie for me.

[The4OfUs]

My heart was dealt that blow 3 years ago for the first time, but I had a new fresh rip opened up when my newly first-grader walked down the hall his first day. He saw a freind from last year and called to him and jogged to catch up, and while he was doing that, 2 other boys from their class last year came out of the cafeteria and saw both of them, and called out to them. The four of them met in a giant group hug, then walked down the hall side by side, laughing and patting each other on the backpacks, talking about which teachers they had this year and how excited they were to be back.

They looked like teenagers, and I nearly lost it right there in the hall, these little boys almost acting like men. My heart simultaneously swooned and broke a little.

[Tilia]

I know! We are doing half-day preschool this year to break momma in slowly. It is going great so far and she loves it. It still hasn't sank in that she is going to school.

[columbusmomma]

I hear ya too!
My DD,3yrs, just started preschool this fall. I felt the same way, seeing her off as she walks through the door excited to play all day! It seems like just yesterday I was pumping,rushing home to see her after work and do baby stuff. Now she wants to play school when she gets home and keep reading and doing puzzles like she just did. And DS, just started 3rd grade and this was the first year where he didn't "need" walked to his classroom! Where does the time go

[snarky]

My daughter was in daycare so it's not the school that did it for me.

But first day of swimming lesson - when my 3.5 year old who clung to my hand at 2 pm was all smiles jumping into the pool at 2:30 - I swear I almost cried at the pool.

Two days later - first trip to the dentist (I know, late) - she climbed up into the chair by herself, opened wide, let the dentist work, walked by herself to the chair for the X-Rays - so proud I think I did cry a bit on my way to work once I had dropped her off.

So big! At least she still loves hugs and I get big ones all the time, not looking forward to the day that ends.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I'm with you. DD started kindergarten last week. I was sure I was going to be jumping for joy at all the free time I now have, but instead, my heart is breaking. She is so grown up already, in just a few days, talking more maturely, using more sophisticated concepts... I'm not ready for this!

[iot]

I can totally relate too. DD just started kindergarten this month and I have all these mixed feelings about it. She is very happy and excited to be in K and I am thrilled that she is gaining so much confidence in social situations (especially as this has been challenging for her in the past), I am also glad to have some more time in the mornings to get organized with my things, but on the other hand, I'm feeling sad about her being away from home so many hours, and also feel somewhat nostalgic about her growing up so fast. So, thank you for putting in words what I have been feeling!

[Devaskyla]

Can definitely relate. Ds2 started kindy this year & I'm a lot more upset than I thought I would be. Ds1 is homeschooled, so we never had this with him. Ds2 is doing great, loves school, loves his teacher, but I'm so sad that there's now so much time every day that I'm not spending with him (& it's only a half day!)

Ds1 is getting so mature now, so obviously getting close to being a teenager. That makes me sad, too. Already trying to prepare myself for teenage attitude.

[Heavenly]

Just wait til it's your youngest heading off! I feel like just yesterday I had my first and now he is in 4th grade, my second is in 3rd grade and my baby started kindergarten this year!! The first day I was waiting for a hug and she just ran off to play and I had to call after her, "Can Mommy have a hug?" On the one hand it is very affirming to see how confidant she is and how much fun she has, on the other hand it is sad to see the time of babyhood pass. BUT...I must tell you, when I drove off and realized....I was alone! Alone! For the first time in 9.5 years I was completely without children! Then I started to like growing up a little more.