Autumn Unitarian Universalist Thread - All Welcome - Page 2

[Adele_Mommy]

to all the new people subbing! It's great to see you here!

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by LilMamiBella

What is a Course in Miracles about?

I don't know much about Course in Miracles. I don't think it is really UU, but if it helps you on your spiritual journey that doesn't matter. I know that it is focused on forgiveness which sounds good. I must admit my initial impression leaves me with some concern that it is a scam because the author does not call herself an author, but rather a "scribe" and claims to have received the course as a revelation, but then the "course" is being sold as a book that starts at $20.00 for a softcover.

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy

This is a great question as Social Justice is so integral to UU!

At my church, a few years ago we had a workshop/seminar sort of thing where we brought in facilitators to help us re-envision our Social Justice activity. Out of that event we formed several groups to focus on particular social justice areas (e.g. Combating Hunger or Global Warming) and also a Social Justice Council to coordinate activities and facilitate communication. Now, a few years later, some of the groups are more active and visible in the church than others.

In addition to the Social Justice Council, our Small Group Ministry is set up with a service component. Groups are formed and meet twice a month for six months and then a new cycle starts. Each group covenants to perform a service project during the six months. The projects can be for the church or the larger community and are intended to be done as a group to promote group bonding as well as service. I participated in SGM for several years and did many great projects including Habitat for Humanity and packaging meals for Kids Against Hunger and Meals from the Heartland.

In Iowa where I live, there is an organization called AMOS, which stands for A Mid-Iowa Organizing Strategy. This group has churches and other groups as members rather than individuals, and then individuals in those different groups can be more or less active with AMOS. My church is a member of AMOS and so when they are having actions and meetings these are announced to the congregation and we are encouraged to participate.

Sometimes members of our church will take on a cause on their own and then the congregation will get behind them. We had a Drumbeat for Darfur vigil that I believe was initiated that way. Finally, when there are important actions happening that a lot of church members would probably be interested in, we sometimes give representatives from outside groups the opportunity to talk about the action from the pulpit. For example, we are a Welcoming Congregation so Marriage Equality is a very important issue for us. A few weeks ago a representative from One Iowa spoke briefly during the service and then signed up volunteers in the gathering area after the service.

Thanks so much for this
It's really helpful.
Would you mind if I forward it to our new SD?

Karen

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Thanks so much for this
It's really helpful.
Would you mind if I forward it to our new SD?

Karen

You can certainly forward my response on. If you or your SD have any questions or want more information about a particular topic, feel free to PM me. I could put you in contact with someone at my church who knows more such as our AMOS representative or the head of the Social Justice Council.

[LilMamiBella]

I have a problem choosing which UU to go to.

1.) UU is humanist slanted with great children's activities and a group/class I'm interested in.

2.) More spiritual based with no children's activities and no group/ class I'm interested in.

What do I go with? My oldest kids will sometimes go to UU with me and so I want them to look forward to going (not just going to make mom happy yk). I emailed the minister at #2 about children's activities and he said he would forward my email to the dre. I feel a little awkward about bringing it up since I've only been 3 times so far. I'm a shy person and still new to both UU's.

I also wanted to ask..if I join one UU does that make me a member of other UU's or would I need to end up becoming a member to whichever one I'm settled with? It would be great to go to #2 for the spirituality and go to #1 for the activities and class but that seems a little tacky lol

[Stargirl]

Hi LilMamiBela,

My advice is not to chose just yet! There is no rush to become a member, you can certainly be a Friend in both congregations. I don't think that three visits is enough to get the full flavour of a congregation. For example, in my congregation, 3 services a month are minister-led and the other is lay-led. I encourage you to visit both until you feel that things have cycled through each of their rhythms and then follow your heart. Which feels like your spiritual home? Once you feel connected you can iron our the details of programming.

Wishing you the very best!

[kcstar]

Originally Posted by Stargirl

My advice is not to chose just yet! There is no rush to become a member, you can certainly be a Friend in both congregations. I don't think that three visits is enough to get the full flavour of a congregation. For example, in my congregation, 3 services a month are minister-led and the other is lay-led. I encourage you to visit both until you feel that things have cycled through each of their rhythms and then follow your heart. Which feels like your spiritual home? Once you feel connected you can iron our the details of programming.

This. It took me about 2-3 years to get comfortable joining my first UU church, in part because we had some ministerial drama. What finally made me feel a part of the church was having a wonderful Young Adult Group.

It wasn't quite 2 years for my second UU church, after we moved. On about our 5th or 6th visit, one of the members did something that upset us, and we stayed away for 6+ months... but this was the only UU church in the area, and we're pretty committed to the denomination. So we gave it another try and things had turned around more.

My husband took longer in both cases, and hasn't actually signed the membership book for the 2nd yet.

[LilMamiBella]

I attended a Christian Church off and on for 2-3 years and in that time I had thought of becoming a member but never did. Something was holding me back. With UU I know that whatever religion I am I will be accepted there so I automatically feel more comfortable about joining. I'm basing my thoughts on the services I have attended and the 5 sermons for October that are listed on each site. I have been to both when the minister wasn't there.

eta: I received an email from the dre who said that basically the #1 church was bigger and had more kids attend and so that's why they have activities. She then listed about 4 actual activities they will be doing but this is for the whole year!
It makes me sad really and it would've been better if she was at least open to doing more. It makes me feel like just going to the other church even though I don't like it as much. I feel that since its a ton of senior citizens, they don't care too much about the younger ones. Maybe I'm overreacting or something but the minister (he's new to the church too!) did say he would like our church to "have such a fantastic children's program inside and outside the church that no one could imagine going anyplace else."
They started sign ups for covenant groups and had the young adult group recommended to me. I just don't know if its too soon to sign up if I might not stay there.

[Adele_Mommy]

I agree with what others have said that there is no need to rush into becoming a member at a specific church. I attended my church for about a year before becoming a member. Also, at my church you can definitely join a Small Group (sort of like a Covenant Group) without being a member. In fact, one of the purposes of our Small Group Ministry program is reaching out to non-members and new people. I bet your local church would be happy to have you join a group even if you have not decided for sure. Participating in a group can be a good way to get to know people at the church and determine where you feel most comfortable.

Remember that UU is congregational. That means becoming a member of one church does not automatically make you a member of any other UU church. Also, you can be a Unitarian Universalist without being a member of any church. There are some people who attend my church regularly and have for years but who do not wish to join for whatever reason. These are "Friends" of the church. They cannot vote at the annual meeting and there are certain offices they cannot hold, but other than that they can and do participate in all the activities of the church.

Becoming a member of a UU church is making a commitment to a particular community, not just to the UU religion. Some people know right away that a church is right for them, but for most of us it takes awhile.

[Stargirl]

UU Traditions

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking a lot about traditions lately (I am reading a wonderful Waldorf book called Heaven On Earth). That combined with the age of dd, I've been reflecting a lot on how our family lives UU'ism. I would very much like to create some UU flavoured traditions in our every day life. I know that we've talked a little about grace on here before. Please share some of things that your family does (big or small) for inspiration!

Many thanks in advance!

[kcstar]

Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy

I agree with what others have said that there is no need to rush into becoming a member at a specific church. I attended my church for about a year before becoming a member. Also, at my church you can definitely join a Small Group (sort of like a Covenant Group) without being a member. In fact, one of the purposes of our Small Group Ministry program is reaching out to non-members and new people. I bet your local church would be happy to have you join a group even if you have not decided for sure. Participating in a group can be a good way to get to know people at the church and determine where you feel most comfortable.

I was in a covenant group with somebody who was a member of the downtown church, but came to our church sometimes, and was in one of our church's covenant groups.

[Starflower]

Subbing. We've been members of a UU church for about 10 years now. We wanted to find a place of community for ourselves and our future children. The church has grown a lot and changed. It's mostly good. However, I am now feeling at a crossroads about remaining a member. I'm considering withdrawing my membership and becoming a Friend. I was heavily involved in volunteering until last year when I became ill and had to re-evaluate all of my activities. I am not involved in anything at this point and haven't even gone to services except for Ingathering, which I attended without DH or DD.

The reason we joined the church in the first place was because we felt at home with the people and UUism and we wanted to have some community surrounding us when we had a child. (We have no family in the area.)

DH seems neutral about the church. He's OK if we go once in awhile and he'd be OK if we didn't go anymore. DD is now 7 and she hates their RE program. She liked it in K, but since that year it's gotten harder and harder to get her to go. She also hated OWL (she already knew the info - she was bored). DD hates the curriculum and the way they run the classes, yet she doesn't want to stay in the service either. She has some special needs - she is gifted but has anxiety/depression and possibly OCD. We homeschool and sometimes I feel like there is a disconnect with the DRE because of that. I tried to talk to the DRE about what to expect for this year's curriculum because I was hoping I could help DD get interested in it if she knew what to expect. However, I feel like the DRE did not really hear me. DH has felt like she's blown him off before as well.

Now I am trying to decide if I want to try to actually make an appt with the DRE and try again or if maybe it's just time to let this go for awhile. I could still go to church if I wanted. I don't agree with forcing DD to go (DRE's suggestion). And since the reason we joined the church was mostly to find a community to support our family (rather than for spiritual reasons since we are pretty much atheists at this point) I am questioning if this is still an appropriate place for us.

We are considering trying some of the other local UU churches to see if we like them. And/or just dropping to Friend status and going if we get the whim. We do like the people there, but we haven't been able to really make any friends beyond acquaintance friends since we've joined. Part of the reason I was so heavily active in the church for awhile was so that I could make friends. This did not seem to work for me. The one friend I did make there left the church about 4 years ago.

And I do still identify as UU. I actually found the church while searching out UU Pagans but there wasn't a group then. Now there is a group, but I don't really feel much like a pagan anymore.

So now that I've rambled on and on, I guess I was just wondering what others might do in this situation.

If this is too much specific info on this type of thread, I can delete this post and make a separate new one. Thanks for listening.

[Adele_Mommy]

Welcome to the thread, Starflower. I think your post is perfectly appropriate for this thread.

I am sorry you are having difficulties and not really happy with your church right now. My DD is 10, but she sounds a lot like yours. She is also gifted and has anxiety and tendancies toward OCD (I have full-blown OCD myself - if you would like to talk about that in more detail feel free to PM me). I am lucky that my church offers different classes and different sessions of the same class for each age group, so for the most part I have been able to find something my DD enjoys every year. I totally agree with you that forcing your DD to go to RE is not a good idea at all, and I consider the fact that the DRE suggested that a big red flag. My husband does not attend church, but he has always supported my membership and church activities with the one caveat that we never, under any circumstances, require our DD to participate in any church activity or class she did not want to.

If I were you I would check out the other local UU churches. Based on your post, it sounds to me like Unitarian Universalism is a really good fit for you and your family and it is just this particular church that is not a good fit. You could, of course, back off from church entirely, but I do think the possible benefits are well-worth at least visiting the other UU churches.

I am curious as to why your friend left the church 4 years ago. Did he/she move out of the area or did she switch to one of the other local UU churches?

Good luck.

Adele

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by Stargirl

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking a lot about traditions lately (I am reading a wonderful Waldorf book called Heaven On Earth). That combined with the age of dd, I've been reflecting a lot on how our family lives UU'ism. I would very much like to create some UU flavoured traditions in our every day life. I know that we've talked a little about grace on here before. Please share some of things that your family does (big or small) for inspiration!

Many thanks in advance!

I was hoping to see a lot of responses from others to this, because this is an area in which I am sadly lacking! I browsed the book Tending the Flame at our little church bookstore yesterday, and it looks pretty good. The page I linked to above includes a link to a whole slew of discussion questions to go along with the book. Has anyone read this book and/or want to read it and discuss? The author of the book also has a blog on uuworld.

[ziggy]

I gave this speech on Monday at a National Coming Out Day Rally

My name is Andy and in addition to being a representative of The Trevor Project I also wear a lot of other shirts. I am genderqueer, I am pansexual, I am a recent college graduate, an activist, and I am totally, unapologetically , and compassionately in love with the world.

I came out as a lesbian in 8th grade, though I didn't choose to tell my family at that time. Over the years my identities have become both more grounded and more fluid, moving from lesbian to transgender male to genderqueer to just out and out queer.

When I was asked to speak today I wasn't sure what I would say. Should I talk about my family? My activism? My school? My ridiculously long final project at college on the No On 1 campaign and the reasons we lost?

I sent out some texts to some friends that said, if I remember correctly, “AGHHH WHAT DO I SAYYYYY WHAT DO I DO I AM GOING TO FAIL AHHHHHH”

Again, more or less.

I got a lot of suggestions from “talk about the importance of your allies” to “tell the story of how you came out as transgender” to “Why legislation matters.”

One friend finally said, “Honey, just speak from your heart.”

So I decided to go with that. And talk about church.

Today I am coming out. Not as LGBTQQIAAbcdefg... but as a loud and proud liberal religious person who is, as I said, totally and compassionately in love with this world. Coming out as queer to this crowd is easy. None of you, for the most part, are going to say anything bad or negative. Coming out as religious is harder. The LGBTQ community has been hurt a lot by religions. There is almost a visceral reaction to religions in many parts of the LGBTQ community.

Which is unfortunate.

I have been rejected a lot by family, friends, and communities for various reasons, some having to do with my identities and some not. I was really in to church in middle school, a very evangelical Christian church, and when one of the pastors there found out that I had come out at school they tried to “cast out of the sin of homosexuality” from my soul. It didn't work very well. I left the church.

I left all church. I left religion. I was emphatic that I did Not Need That In My Life.

What I did need in my life, what everyone needs in their life, is community. Community that is tolerant and open and accepting and affirming of you and your life choices and your decisions and is willing to say “I do not get why you are doing what you are doing but I support you in it.”

For a lot of people that community comes from friends. For many others it comes from family. For some it comes from a sports team, a college, or your every other Thursday night punk knitting club.

For me I finally found that community in religion. Not specifically in my church, but in religion. In a religion full of good people who want to be good people. In a religion of people who have, as their first principle, their first “standard” that they try to live up to, “the inherent worth and dignity of every person.”

Every. Person. That means me, and that means you, and that means that guy at work who keeps keying your car RIGHT across your rainbow bumper sticker no matter how nice you are to him every morning. Every person is inherently worthy. Every person deserves dignity.

Do you know how powerful that statement is? How powerful that would be to a LGBTQ or questioning young person who has NOBODY affirming them? How much that could, and does, mean to people who have been rejected for their identity?

Do you know how powerful that was for me the first time I read it?

You. YOU are worthy. You. Exactly and precisely how you are. Right now.

You are worthy of a community that loves and supports you.

Don't be afraid to look into alternative communities. Communities that might not pop to mind first thing when you think “accepting of LGBTQ people.” Knitters. Ornothologists. Kickball teams.

Churches.

We have GOT to stop having these visceral “no that CAN'T be right because of x, y, and z and also because it's just NOT how things work” reactions to things. We have to stop!

Maybe is has been how things have worked for all of forever and then some, but things change. We change. People change. Society changes.

Yes, it is national coming out day. So come out, today.

You are NOT only gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, queer, questioning, transgender, pansexual, or any other identity. You are not only one thing.

You are a , fabulous, wonderful, amazing human who cares about change, about love, about yourself and your friends. You are beautiful. You are SO many things. Come out as ALL of your identities! Let people know that you are a lesbian, who really likes thai food, who has dreams of becoming a united states senator, who recently completed a complete diagram of the human digestive system using only recycled soda pop cans. ALL of you is interesting.

My name is Andy. I am queer, I love to read, I am a little bit in love with Barack Obama, and I am a Unitarian Universalist.

The Reverends Lisa Kemper and Janet Parker recently made a youtube video for the It Gets Better Project. I leave you with their words. “God made you. In all of your wholeness. In all of your gayness. In all of your fabulousness. God made you and God loves you and God wants you to be here. And we want you to be here.”

As we say in church, Blessed Be.

As we say LGBTQ spaces, be fabulous.

[Adele_Mommy]

OMG, ziggy, that is awesome! Seriously, you ROCK!

Thank you so much for sharing!

[singin_angel]

Wow Ziggy...

That was incredibly powerful and I thank you so much for sharing that. I don't know if it is just me but I have tears in my eyes. I may not identify as with many of those labels but you are right - that first principle "the inherent worth and dignity of each person" is a hard thing to do but creates an amazing and welcoming, affirming place for everyone to be themselves.

I hope more people hear/see what you have to share because it is a message few people hear.

Way to go! It was fabulous!

[Callimom]

Ziggy that was BEYOND fabulous.
thank you so much for sharing it.
Karen

[Starflower]

Ziggy - That was awesome! As someone who often feels very hidden, I am inspired by your words.

[revolting]

Hi. I'm K, partner to R and mama to DD (3.5yo) and DS (8 months). We attend a Unitarian Universalist church, but we aren't members. My daughter loves loves loves Spirit Play (she is constantly pretending to be the Sunday school teacher and lighting her imaginary chalice and singing "Rise Up O Flame" - too cute!), but the church is going through a leadership transition, and we are looking to buy our first home, possibly fairly far away, so right now just isn't a good time to take on the commitment of church membership. Still, I've been a Unitarian Universalist since I was 16 years old, so I'm not exactly new to the faith.

One thing I've been reflecting upon in my faith is developing a UU elevator speech. I know there are a LOT online, but I would love to hear any of yours on MDC that would like to share!