Others pressuring child re deodorant

[ChristaN]

I'm not sure if this is the best place or if I ought to post this in the school area, but here it goes. My 9 y/o dd (soon to be 10 y/o) is attending 5th grade currently. We may be hsing at some point (we have w/ my oldest in the past), but for right now she is staying put at the school she's attending.

Dd is nowhere near puberty. She's 4'3" or 4'4" and weighs 55 lbs. She does not smell bad. She could probably go days without showering and her hair does not get greasy and she doesn't really stink. Of course, she does shower (usually every other day).

For some reason, her teachers have decided to focus on the kids using deodorant over and over. They have an overnight trip planned where they will be hiking. The packing list includes deodorant and dd tells me that she will be laughed at if she is the only one not putting on deodorant there.

One of her teachers apparently told the whole class that they "reeked" after PE the other day and asked them to raise their hands if they were wearing deodorant. The teacher offered to get them deodorant herself if their families couldn't afford to buy it for them.

I'm not anti-deodorant in general. I wear it as an adult. My girls just don't need it yet and I don't like dd being pressured to wear something she doesn't need.

Thoughts?

[GoBecGo]

I think there are very probably girls in her class who REALLY do need deo (i certainly did at 10) and the teachers are attempting to address it. Possibly not in a wonderful way, but there it is. I would be talking to the teachers about it and see if they can tone it all down. Meantime i would buy the deo (go for a natural organic sort if it makes you feel better) for the trip because it is on the list, she really MIGHT be teased (because they're young they probably don't use deo, and therefore it will possibly be a novelty and a talking point) and because even if she isn't going to be teased she will worry less if she has one, which, IMO, is worth it for this sort of thing.

[Roar]

Having taught groups of funky smelling 10 year olds I get where the teacher is coming from. While it may not be totally comfortable for your daughter, it is probably easier than if the teacher singled out kids who stink. If your dd wants deodorant to feel like she's complying with the teacher's wishes just get some of that unscented Tom's of Maine. Three bucks and the problem is solved; I wish they were all that easy.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by GoBecGo

I think there are very probably girls in her class who REALLY do need deo (i certainly did at 10) and the teachers are attempting to address it.

This.

I had breast buds at 8.5 and menstruated at 11.5, so at 10 I probably had some b.o. going on....although I really don't remember how old I was when I started using deodorant. I know I was by 6th grade.

There's really no way for the teachers to say, "Jane, you need to start wearing deodorant. Jill, you smell okay."

I really can't see all the kids monitoring each other for deodorant use on a hiking trip, though. Are they planning on dressing and taking care of hygiene needs in a communal setting???

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I really can't see all the kids monitoring each other for deodorant use on a hiking trip, though. Are they planning on dressing and taking care of hygiene needs in a communal setting???

Yes, they are staying in cabins with the other kids for two nights. Girls will, obviously, be in different cabins than boys.

[Arduinna]

Well I find the whole thing weird, but if your dd wants some just for that trip so that she won't stand out or be teased I'd get her the most innocuous plain one you can find and tell her she is free to not use it at any time.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

Yes, they are staying in cabins with the other kids for two nights. Girls will, obviously, be in different cabins than boys.

I understand that, but I went to Girl Scout camp at that age, and also went on a week-long trip out of state in sixth grade, and we brushed our teeth and cleaned ourselves in private. Usually in some sort of washroom. If I recall correctly, most of us dressed in there, too.

Am I correct in understanding that there will be no washroom facility where your daughter is going?

[lookatreestar]

well i was thinking that perhaps it is better to start getting in the habit? and im sure some of the kids do stink i dunno, i don't stink unless i haven't showered so i only put it on if i am going to be in the company of others. dd asks me all the time to put some on her, i do because it is one of natural kinds that has very little scent (i think lemon grass).

i like the suggestion to just buy it and tell her to use it if she feels like it, or not.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by 2xy

Am I correct in understanding that there will be no washroom facility where your daughter is going?

My understanding is that the washing area is basically similar to a school bathroom where there is one large room with a row of sinks and bathroom stalls. I believe that there are shower stalls or a communal shower like at a public pool as well, but I don't expect that the girls will be dressing and putting on deodorant in the showers.

[Drummer's Wife]

I agree with geting her Tom's unscented (or similar), and if she wants to take it on the trip, she'll have it.

I do believe there are plenty of 10 yo's who could benefit from deodorant - my 9.5 yo DD is starting puberty and can get stinky. I think the teacher was just trying to address the issue in a group setting, w/o embarrassing anyone.

[Crafty]

My EIGHT year old son gets stinky pits if he plays outside and doesn't shower. :P And his ten year old friend (a boy)? He doesn't wear deodorant and whenever he comes over, I have to open the windows to air the room out, it's that bad. Not all the kids in your dd's class are going to smell, but A., the ones who do are REALLY distracting to the teacher and everyone else, and it's easier to make it a classwide policy rather than singling kids out and embarrassing them, and B., it's good to get in the habit of deodorant at this age anyway. No one wants to be the stinky kid, you know?

[ChristaN]

Okay, okay. I gather that I am in the minority here and I won't make a big deal about it for dd. My two issues are that: 1) I disagree that it is a good idea for her to get in the habit of deodorant usage in that I don't want her using it before she needs it; and 2) I understand the teacher not singling kids out when she made an announcement, but I don't think she needed to ask for a show of hands as to how many kids had on deodorant. Dd even raised her hand b/c she didn't want to be the only one without her hand up.

[mamazee]

My 8 year old does not appear to be anywhere near puberty (from what I can see and according to her pediatrician) and has had the stink for at least a year. It can start way before puberty, and I have no doubt some of those kids have something to address, regardless of puberty. Some people are just stinkier than others.

My guess is, though, if your dd doesn't have that issue, she won't have to do anything. I'd just ignore it if it doesn't apply to her.

[dbsam]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

Okay, okay. I gather that I am in the minority here and I won't make a big deal about it for dd. My two issues are that: 1) I disagree that it is a good idea for her to get in the habit of deodorant usage in that I don't want her using it before she needs it; and 2) I understand the teacher not singling kids out when she made an announcement, but I don't think she needed to ask for a show of hands as to how many kids had on deodorant.

I agree with you. I do not have teens but saw this on the main page. I would give it to her simply so she can feel more comfortable on the trip.

FWIW, my husband is one of those people who never stinks and doesn't wear deodorant. I asked him, and he said when he was on the dive team in high school, he kept deodorant in his athletic locker because all the other boys did and once someone teased him saying something like 'you're not putting on deodorant - gross'.

[karne]

Your dd may have the perception that she is laughed at for not wearing deo on the trip, but could it be that she's worried about not having what the other kids have, or feeling different? 5th grade here was a buzz of girls talking about who had gotten a bra over the summer, who was shaving, or not, who was starting their period.......there's a big spread at this age in terms of development, but the kids seemed very, very aware of all of it.

I frankly completely understand the teacher trying to cover the bases on this one, however indelicately it may have been done. I was privy to a conversation between some preteen boys last year talking about how many days they could go w/out deo until something was said to them about it. They were having a contest!

Another point about the teachers approach-it may have been an attempt at humor that just didn't quite cut it.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by karne

Your dd may have the perception that she is laughed at for not wearing deo on the trip, but could it be that she's worried about not having what the other kids have, or feeling different?

Dd9 does not like standing out. She is very extroverted and willing to trim herself to fit in with others so she won't be left out. She does, finally, have friends.

I don't believe that she wants to be developing at this point. She doesn't like the fact that she is a lot shorter than the other kids, but I think that is due to the fact that we have a very short family (dh is 5'6" and my mom is 5') and that she is very young for grade. Some of the kids in her class are as much as 18 months older than she. She's not mentioning a desire for bras, breasts, or periods though and she's pretty open with me.

I suspect that the bigger issue is the desire not to appear "different" in any way which would include being viewed as younger b/c she doesn't need deodorant yet or smelly b/c she isn't wearing it (regardless of whether she actually smells).

[whatsnextmom]

I have to say, 5th grade classrooms in general can be REALLY smelly lol. Man, I used to help in DD's and after recess, I'd just about pass out. I don't blame teachers for requesting kids wear deoderant. I know, when your 5th grader is still 9 (as both mine are/had been) it's not typically THEM. You have to consider though that there are kids who are 11, almost 12 in class too. The teacher can't really iscolate kids and tell them they smell but they can talk to the class as a whole about hygiene and deoderant.

My advice, for the trip, buy a little travel deoderant for her bag. If she feels uncomfortable not wearing it, she can put it on for the day. If not, it just stays in the bag. She doesn't need to wear it at school until she actually needs it.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

Okay, okay. I gather that I am in the minority here and I won't make a big deal about it for dd. My two issues are that: 1) I disagree that it is a good idea for her to get in the habit of deodorant usage in that I don't want her using it before she needs it; and 2) I understand the teacher not singling kids out when she made an announcement, but I don't think she needed to ask for a show of hands as to how many kids had on deodorant. Dd even raised her hand b/c she didn't want to be the only one without her hand up.

ITA with you.

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by ChristaN

Okay, okay. I gather that I am in the minority here and I won't make a big deal about it for dd. My two issues are that: 1) I disagree that it is a good idea for her to get in the habit of deodorant usage in that I don't want her using it before she needs it; and 2) I understand the teacher not singling kids out when she made an announcement, but I don't think she needed to ask for a show of hands as to how many kids had on deodorant. Dd even raised her hand b/c she didn't want to be the only one without her hand up.

Well, define need. Your dd's need is to fit in. It's not relevant to her at all that she hasn't gone through puberty and doesn't actually stink. Having a bottle of deodorant in her possession might be a reassuring talisman to her. It looms large in their minds.

Three bucks and the problem is solved; I wish they were all that easy.

[PoppyMama]

A little natural deodorant won't hurt anyone...and I remember my dd's fifth grade year. I remember finally breaking down and begging her "for the love of god" to wash her pits in dish detergent and put on some Ban. No all natural stuff for that girl, unfortunately, I think she gets it from me. A whole class room of fifth graders? Yikes, I would be unable to function and would have a headache from hell daily.