Co-signing loans - Page 3

[daytripper75]

If you worry about your mother caving to the pressure could you put in a call to the bank loan officer? I doubt they'd okay a loan with that kind of backstory.

[cappuccinosmom]

Absolutely not, in this situation.

I think in general, co-signing should be something done rarely. My parents generously co-signed with us on a house, under the following conditions: they could afford to make the payments if we defaulted, we had a *huge* downpayment from savings, they knew that barring death and destruction we wouldn't default, and although I was a sahm and we had a very low income they had seen dh and I live frugally and knew that he'd work his rear off in order to pay the mortgage.
In other words, they cosigned not to "save" us from our stupid financial mistakes, but to give us a boost in the direction we were already going. We couldn't get the loan on our own because my age, and his newness to the country meant that neither of us had any credit history.

However, if I could go back for a do-over, I'd rather rent for a few years and do the house thing on our own. There were no financial problems, but there was relational tension because of the loan. Even though dh agreed to it, it still felt to him "intrusive", and I think my parents were totally well meaning but felt that the financial partnership gave them an opening into our personal lives that was uncomfortable for all of us.

If you co-sign to rescue someone who is currently in deep financial doo-doo because of poor choices, or who has a history of poor financial choices, that's pretty much saying "Problems, start knocking at my door!!"

[Arduinna]

Um, he had 3k bucks from the totalled car that was given to him and he blew it instead of finding transportation. It's not your job nor your mothers job to figure out how he can get to and from work. Personally I'd just say NO and leave it at that there is no reason you need to brainstorm other options. You don't owe him anything, he is an adult with living parents.

[texmati]

I would put my foot down with your mom. It enrages me when MIlL spends money on expensive gifts (even for us!), in the end, we are the ones who support her!

[velochic]

My mom talked to my sister. She said simply, "I looked over my budget and if something were to happen and this came back on me, I just wouldn't be able to make the payments. I can't do it." My sister said, "Nothing will happen. I guarantee that I will make the payments if I need to." My said, "But something can happen to you or your job that's not in your control. You can't make those kinds of promises" Sis said, "Nothing is going to happen. Forget it. So much for family helping. Fine, son and I are on our own now." Mom said, "I just can't do it. You can't predict that nothing will happen and if it does, I would have to stop paying my supplemental insurance." (Of course, we would never let that slide as it is a HUGE savings with my mom's health problems, so we'd end up making the payments, which is why I'm saying that if anything happens it really *IS* on us, not my mother.) Sis said something like, "Nevermind, nevermind. I knew I couldn't count on you." and hung up on my mom.

Oh, and mom said something about helping him to buy a moped or something and she just said, "No way! Not with winter coming on." Yeah, right. She was OK with him getting a crotch rocket this same time last year (because he looked COOL on it) and didn't care that his only transportation would be a motorcycle.

If sis cuts us out of her lives because we are not a personal bank for them, then I say good riddance. I'm not going to lose sleep over this and I hope my mom won't either.

Thanks again for all of the support.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

If you co-sign to rescue someone who is currently in deep financial doo-doo because of poor choices, or who has a history of poor financial choices, that's pretty much saying "Problems, start knocking at my door!!"

You know, this statement sums up this situation very nicely. That's exactly what it is.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by velochic

Sis said something like, "Nevermind, nevermind. I knew I couldn't count on you." and hung up on my mom.

This is an opportunity for your sister to GROW UP.

[summer_time]

I just wanted to say sorry that you are having to deal with this. I am also guilty of becoming the 'problem solver' within my extended family. It is a tough spot because they are your family and you care for them, but in the end they aren't going to change and will most certainly bring you down into the muck right along with them. And knowing that still doesn't make it easier

[velochic]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn

This is an opportunity for your sister to GROW UP.

I know, but she is 50+ years old. I think that ship has sailed.

[Arduinna]

Good for your mom!

[phathui5]

My mom doesn't think that they will listen to any alternatives.

Even if they won't listen, if you all continue refusing to co-sign, he'll have to figure something else out.

[sunnysandiegan]

Originally Posted by velochic

I know, but she is 50+ years old. I think that ship has sailed.

It is never too late to learn.

FWIW, I agree with what you and your mom are doing by refusing to co-sign in this case.

I am very grateful my grandfather took a chance with me and my then-husband when we were very young (18-19) and had a very short credit history (good, but only one store card for a year or two). He co-signed on our first car loan when no one else would. He really helped us out by doing that. We made all the payments on-time and honored his request of letting him know when it was paid off. Obviously very different circumstances. I just want to point out that sometimes co-signing can be a beneficial situation for all involved.