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They won't put shoes that fit on him!!

post #1 of 116
Thread Starter 
My Nephew (well, really DHs 1st cousin but he's like a nephew to us) turned 2 in August. His mom (DHs aunt) works and he stays upstairs with DHs grandparents. Once a week, we take him to gymnastics class (just started this week... he's enrolled in the same class as our DD). We also occasionally take him to the zoo and on mini "outings" because he doesn't get out much.

He has had the same shoes since he began walking. He has other shoes- they have bought him nice new pairs of expensive Air Jordans and we have never seen him wearing them- we see him every day. He's always in a pair of size 5 gym shoes. The new shoes they bought him are a size 7, and his feet are roughly the size of my DDs (a little wider) and she wears a 7-8.

We've mentioned this to MIL, and mentioned it to DHs grandparents who take care of him the majority of the time. MIL says "if they hurt him he'd say something". His poor little toes are curled up in his shoes. We took him to the park and he did complain. We told MIL this and she said "Oh, he was probably just tired". (He was telling us "shoe shoe! oww!" and pointing to it).

We took him to gymnastics for the first time on Tuesday. We had to take his shoes off. When class was over and it was time to put them on... we couldn't get them on! Not me, not my DH. We took him home in his socks, and told MIL about the shoes. She insisted that they fit him.

Seriously- what do I do? They are not poor. His mother and father have very good jobs that pay well. He is always in expensive name brand clothing. He's always wearing the same shoes. I don't think he has a particular attachment to them.

I just feel SO bad for my poor nephew. His feet are the size of my DDs and they're being squeezed into shoes way too small! I don't want him to have foot problems in the future because of this. His shoelaces don't stay tied because the shoes are being stretched open to fit his foot in, and there is less lace to work with.

Should DH and I buy him a pair of shoes that fit him so that he can wear them when he's with us? I feel like that's overstepping our boundaries, since he's not our child, but I don't like the idea of swapping him into his old shoes when we get back home- you know? It's just so sad and really has me a bit frazzled.
post #2 of 116
ummm...how about "losing" the shoes the next time you have an outing? Passive aggressive yes but you've already talked about it. Do they still have the nice shoes?

Or lose the shoes and buy him a new pair to replace the ones you "lost"

what does the boy's mom say? is she aware of the situation?
post #3 of 116
You talked to your MIL but did you talk to his mom and dad?

I think that would be my first step - kindly, but like "I noticed these shoes didn't fit...it is a health issue..." that kind of thing. (And it is. Feet NEED to develop properly.) If you can afford it, I'd even deliver a pair of 8s (or 9 if you think so) with the message like "I noticed these shoes didn't fit. It's crazy how kids grow overnight. And I was out anyway so picked these up...health...love...etc."

If not then - yeah I would get him a pair for when he was out with us. Poor kiddo. It sounds like just a weird hangup or something but ouch.
post #4 of 116
Thread Starter 
"losing" the shoes does seem very passive agressive because I've brought it up so much!

I haven't brought it up to his mom recently, her and I have our differences and she thinks that I have a "holier than thou" attitude (even when I'm actually concerned). I did bring it up to her a few months ago and she said "Yeah, these shoes sure are getting old! We just got him a pair of blah blah...". His 13yo sister has a slight obsession with Air Jordans and has a collection- but I KNOW that she has several pairs that match her brother's and has showed me them but I have never once seen him wear them.
post #5 of 116
lose the shoes. make something up. say you feel real bad and offer to buy a new pair bc of how awful you feel losing them. and then do buy a pair. that fit. cuz seriously, that would be helping. oor at least that is waht i would do in this case and i am one of those people who hate lying etc.
post #6 of 116
Could you buy something inexpensive (mock crocs or something) the next time you're out with him? Send him home with the larger shoes on, and explain that he was complaining about his shoes hurting, and you couldn't make him spend that much time walking around in shoes that were so painfully small.

Or, you could keep the inexpensive shoes with you, in case they send him with the small shoes again, and everytime you return him to them, return him in his socks with the small shoes in his diaper bag.
post #7 of 116

Confused

I'm confused how the people who care for this child can be in such denial about his shoe size. My experience is that it's impossible to put a size 7/8 foot into a size 5 shoe. It can be pretty hard to put size 5 shoes on a kid who actually has size 5 feet. I find you need to wrestle with shoes in general until you get to size 6 or 7.

If it comes down to you buying him shoes I wouldn't lose the current shoes. They might get "wet" and he might need to wear a pair "you had in the house for DD" but that she never wore for whatever reason.
post #8 of 116
Thread Starter 
Thanks

ChetMC (Julie)- I know what it's like to wrestle to get shoes on- my DD had some pretty chunky feet- but it was do-able. I have no idea HOW they get the shoes on him. I've seen him napping in the play pen in his grandma's house still wearing the shoes- struck me as odd but I suppose it's just that hard to get them on him. I know that DD and him must have the same shoe size (or very near it) by seeing them together at gymnastics. When he wears the shoes I mentioned, his feet look like little balls shoved into shoes. The shoes are the first shoes he got when he started walking earlier this year.

DH and I bought him an adorable outfit with mock crocs because he was staying with his grandma (I'll refer to her as GMIL) and his clothes weren't being changed... DH and I decided to buy him something and say "Oh, we were just at the store and thought this was cute". He wore the outfit once, and the shoes once but never again.

The only other pair of shoes I have seen him in while at GMILs house have been a HUGE pair of sandals, probably a size 9?? GMIL said she didn't know who they belonged to (she gets a LOT of visitors). He only wore them like three times.. but other than that he has always worn the extremely small pair. They used to fit. When they bought them they were big on him and I recall thinking that Robeez or something would be a more appropriate pair of "first walker" shoes than those (they don't flex at all and they were too big...) and then in the end figuring "well, at least he'll grow into them at some point". I didn't expect for him to grow in AND grow out of them AND continue wearing them
post #9 of 116
OMG, I just went through something similar! I stayed with my mom for a week when she was watching my nephew while my brother and SIL went to Spain on vacation. (Can't imagine leaving my little one so long so young...but I digress.) He and ds2 are about the same age - 17 and 15 months respectively. The first day, he had on size 4 sandals - and his entire big toe was hanging off the edge! I told my mom and she went to go find another pair and he only had one other pair - a size 5. His feet are the same size as ds2 - which after getting him sized is a size 7! My mom realized they were way too small too but she was afraid of offending SIL by saying anything.

I told my mom that I wanted to go the shoe store to look at fall shoes for my two kids anyway and that I thought we should all go and we could get shoes for dn there. She could then tell my SIL that she wanted to get shoes for all her grandkids and it was the salesperson that told her what size to get. It worked out really well and he's walking so much better now that he has shoes that fit and soles that are flexible.

Is there anyway to go somewhere to get him 'officially' sized while you're out one day? Or go to get dd sized while he is with you and do both at the same time? Maybe they'd listen more to a 'professional' opinion coming from someone else besides you.
post #10 of 116
Thread Starter 
That's a really good idea! I just wouldn't want to get looked at like a horrible parent who shoves my kids feet into small shoes by the salesperson.. kwim? But I think we might try that the next time we go somewhere with him My DD does actually need a pair play shoes for the fall.
post #11 of 116
Yep, lose them at gymnastics and go fall shoe shopping for your DD after class. And try to figure out why the hell these people don't even change his clothes from day to day -- it sounds a bit neglectful.
post #12 of 116
Poor kid why aren't they changing him or putting him in proper fitting shoes that is mean IMO. I agree lose the shoes and just buy him new ones.
post #13 of 116
he has shoes that fit,right? I mean they were bought and you saw them? I take him home withiut shoes and tell them "his shoes didn't fit anymore, so we tossed them, he should wear his new shoes"

and keep an eye out for other signs that mil/fil are stealing from the kiddo.
post #14 of 116
Just do what is right for the child. are the shoes sentanmental? if so then could you forget them at your house, after buying him some special shoes/boots? and just forget them in the car or your house for a while untill you know that they will NOT fit him anymore.
Do not worry about offending anyone. it does not mater what they think of you.

but I do agree with the the poster who said it sounds a bit neglecful. why wouldn't they change him??
post #15 of 116
I could not in good conscience bring those shoes back, they'll just end up shoving them on his poor feet again, throw them away!! When I was about 5 my grandmother insisted I wear shoes that were too small for me (she was a weird lady, she felt like shoes that size "should" fit a child my age and thought I was just being dramatic about them not fitting ) and I can still remember the pain of it, wearing shoes that are too small is torturous, whatever their issue is, lose the shoes!
post #16 of 116
I don't think I would 'lose' them unless being honest with everyone was going to cause a big family uproar. I would simply buy new shoes and say (honestly) that he wore the new shoes out of the store and they threw away the others as they were three sizes too small.
post #17 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by confustication View Post
I don't think I would 'lose' them unless being honest with everyone was going to cause a big family uproar. I would simply buy new shoes and say (honestly) that he wore the new shoes out of the store and they threw away the others as they were three sizes too small.
Thats a good idea. I would not worry about what these people think of you. Throw them away and tell them and let the chips fall where they may. Poor little guy.

If you really can't do that I would keep a pair of cheap shoes handy and change into them when you pick him up and take them off when you get home (or just let him go bare foot) and return the shoes in his bag with "I am not putting those tiny ill fitting shoes on him. Please have him in ones that fit next time". Repeat repeat repeat.
post #18 of 116
I would absolutely "lose" those shoes at gymnastics. I'd then go to my nearest dept store/shoe store and buy the little guy some shoes. I'd go on and on about how bad I felt about losing the shoes and that I hope the replacements were suitable, etc, etc. I cannot imagine putting shoes so tiny on a little guy.
I feel sad for him. xoxoxo to your dn
post #19 of 116
I would also lose those shoes! "Gee, I was carrying them because they were just so hard to get them on him, I figured it was easier to just put them in the car, and then gosh, I must have put them down somewhere..."

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
That's a really good idea! I just wouldn't want to get looked at like a horrible parent who shoves my kids feet into small shoes by the salesperson.. kwim?
I dunno, my kids' feet grow so fast that I've been surprised by growth spurts more than once. Poor ds, I yelled at him this summer for making holes in the toes of his shoes by dragging his toes (he does do this), only to find when we went to get him new shoes that he'd gone from a size 5 to a size 7! That's happened to us more than once .
post #20 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I dunno, my kids' feet grow so fast that I've been surprised by growth spurts more than once. Poor ds, I yelled at him this summer for making holes in the toes of his shoes by dragging his toes (he does do this), only to find when we went to get him new shoes that he'd gone from a size 5 to a size 7! That's happened to us more than once .

DD jumped from a size 11 to a size 2.5 over the course of about 3 months. I felt like the Worst Mom Ever when we went shoe shopping. It happens.
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