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They won't put shoes that fit on him!! - Page 2

post #21 of 116
not changing his clothes or maing him wear shoes that dont fit even after being told they dont fit is neglect. i am suprised they hadnt had a visit from CPS yet. they get called on people for less. sigh.
post #22 of 116
I've "lost" shoes before too.

If you put your hand inside the shoes, and feel the indentations on the inside where his toes were. They should not be up against the end of his shoes. There should be some space between the dents from his toes to the end of the shoes. If you can feel toe spots at the very ends of his shoes, his shoes are REALLY too small.

You can show them that if you think they'll listen. Otherwise, I have no problem with losing or ruining the old shoes and buying him new ones that fit. I'm not even above taking him to the children's shoe store WITH the parents and letting them size him so they can hear it from a "professional". If he were my nephew, I'd even buy the new shoes right there and leave the old ones in the store.

My sister in law would have just taken my child's shoes away and told me the truth. LOL. It's hard to argue when she says something, especially if she's right.
post #23 of 116
I guess I'm alone here but.. not your kid, not your business. Have you actually mentioned this to his parents? Do you see him when he is in the care of his parents or only when he is in the care of his grandparents?
post #24 of 116
Are the shoes in relatively good condition? Do you know a child who could use a pair of size 5 shoes? I'd buy the little guy some proper sized shoes and take him home in them. If anyone asked for the size 5s, I'd say that I'd like to give them to a child who needed them. If they really made a fuss, I'd give them the size 5s back. At least you'd have tried to help the kiddo.
post #25 of 116
Can you find him a pair of size 7's identical to the size 5's? Maybe the nephew is the one really attached to the shoes. Or for some reason your SIL or MIL are attached to that pair of shoes.
post #26 of 116
The whole thing is just so crazy! I'm looking forward to hearing what ends up happening OP. Good luck!

BTW I think I would take the route of "oops, we must have misplaced them" after buying him a new pair while shoe shopping with dd as well. Then I'd hold on to them to either give to a kid who could use them or give back to SIL in several months/a year when there's no way they could even force them back on his poor little feet.

And I am generally a "your kid, your business" kind of person (as a pp mentioned), but I think this, for me, goes past the point of being able to MYOB. I know this isn't actually abuse, but man... having too small shoes forced on you is really really painful (I remember at the end of highschool when I thought my feet had finally stopped growing and they spurted up 2 shoe sizes that I stubbornly bought the "old" size and it was torture), not to mention really bad for his physical development (I believe that not being able to walk properly affects your knees, hips and right on up your body - everything is connected yk).
post #27 of 116
I would get him new shoes and get rid of the old ones. But I would claim to have "lost" them. Here, I got him new shoes and got rid of the others because they were too small and hurting his feet. Just be honest and matter of fact about it.
post #28 of 116
Thread Starter 
The shoes are very worn. I wouldn't give them to another child.

I don't know if they make the style anymore, it's from early this year. He was about 15 or 16 months old I think, so perhaps even from the very end of last year.

I'm thinking of setting up another park playdate with them after gymnastics and having him play with DD (jump in puddles, mud, etc) and see if that gets the shoes worn enough for me to have an excuse to buy new ones. We're going apple picking sometime soon and if he comes along with us we can easily say that the shoes got dirty (which they likely will).

His parents are extremely lax. They're pretty oblivious to the obvious most of the time, but even when it is brought up, they don't really care much. My DH mentioned the shoes to his father today and he said "if they were too small he'd complain". The way people (MIL, GMIL, my DN's parents..) respond to us about this really makes me feel like we're overstepping our boundaries

I'll check the insides of the shoes next time- but I really doubt that I'll even feel "normal" toe impressions. His toes are curled up at the front of his shoe, you can feel this from the outside.
post #29 of 116
While I totally agree that the little guy needs to be in different shoes, the "oops, they disappeared" strategy rubs me the wrong way. I don't think it's best to throw out something that doesn't belong to you. I understand the urge to get rid of them, though.

I think that I would take him along when you take your own child shoe-shopping and have his feet professionally sized. Then, just tell his parents that he was with you at the store and the salesperson recommended a different (correct!) size, or even just buy them for him as an early Christmas gift or whatever...
post #30 of 116
After reading this thread I find it really sad that nobody else has taken the time to check out the kid's feet/shoes for themselves...just reverted to the "he'd complain" line. Not all kids are complainers, especially when they have learned that nobody listens. So, so freaking sad.

OP, go get his feet sized please. I don't think its overstepping a boundry to take care of family.
post #31 of 116
I don't think that the parents are the issue here. You mentioned there were new shoes, the air jordans, so getting the parents to buy new shoes isn't a problem. It's the grandparents who are refusing to let the poor kid wear his new shoes. Old people get funny about these things, and can go way way over board on frugality.

I would call his mom and say to her that the grandparents aren't letting him wear those adorable shoes she bought him. Mention what a shame it would be if he out grew the new shoes before he even got a chance to wear them considering all the thought she put into getting him and big sis matching shoes. Offer to do her a favor and not return his old shoes to the miserly grandparents.
post #32 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
he has shoes that fit,right? I mean they were bought and you saw them? I take him home withiut shoes and tell them "his shoes didn't fit anymore, so we tossed them, he should wear his new shoes"

and keep an eye out for other signs that mil/fil are stealing from the kiddo.
Just curious but why would you assume that the grandparents are stealing from this child - I reread all of the OP's posts and see nothing that references them stealing.

If it was me I would either tell his parents or would buy him a new pair in the correct size but I wouldn't throw away his current pair because they aren't mine to dispose of in the first place.
post #33 of 116
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
I don't think that the parents are the issue here. You mentioned there were new shoes, the air jordans, so getting the parents to buy new shoes isn't a problem. It's the grandparents who are refusing to let the poor kid wear his new shoes. Old people get funny about these things, and can go way way over board on frugality.

I would call his mom and say to her that the grandparents aren't letting him wear those adorable shoes she bought him. Mention what a shame it would be if he out grew the new shoes before he even got a chance to wear them considering all the thought she put into getting him and big sis matching shoes. Offer to do her a favor and not return his old shoes to the miserly grandparents.

His parents are the ones that dress him each day and send him with the shoes. I have seen other pairs of shoes- but I think they get taken home with the older sister and just never worn by my dn.

I wouldn't throw them away either- seems wrong to me... they're not mine. I'd be pretty mad if someone threw away my child's shoes.
post #34 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
His parents are the ones that dress him each day and send him with the shoes. I have seen other pairs of shoes- but I think they get taken home with the older sister and just never worn by my dn.

I wouldn't throw them away either- seems wrong to me... they're not mine. I'd be pretty mad if someone threw away my child's shoes.
I would bet that you could find a very inexpensive pair of gym shoes at Target (I too live in the Chicago area and noticed some "summer" gym shoes were 75% off at target this past week and were just $3!) that you could buy & call a gift without breaking the bank! I've been in the same position as you except it was my niece who didn't have a warm enough coat that fit one spring. I found a really marked down on sale coat at TJMaxx & bought it as a present!
post #35 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
I wouldn't throw them away either- seems wrong to me... they're not mine. I'd be pretty mad if someone threw away my child's shoes.
ITA

One also must consider that there maybe something that one doesn't know about. For example, though DS's shoes aren't that important to me, and I would just be mildly annoyed at their lose, DS wears very expensive prescription orthotics which are inside his shoes.
post #36 of 116
I suggest going to Payless for some shoes that fit when you are with him next time and giving him a gift of a teddy bear on the same day so you can put the shoes on the teddy bear. If you have good reason to believe that the shoes are too small then send him back to mil's in socks or if you are willing to splurge a lot on him do the buy one get one half off thing and send him back inside in one pair while keeping the other pair for when he visits.
post #37 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
The shoes are very worn. I wouldn't give them to another child.

I don't know if they make the style anymore, it's from early this year. He was about 15 or 16 months old I think, so perhaps even from the very end of last year.

I'm thinking of setting up another park playdate with them after gymnastics and having him play with DD (jump in puddles, mud, etc) and see if that gets the shoes worn enough for me to have an excuse to buy new ones. We're going apple picking sometime soon and if he comes along with us we can easily say that the shoes got dirty (which they likely will).

His parents are extremely lax. They're pretty oblivious to the obvious most of the time, but even when it is brought up, they don't really care much. My DH mentioned the shoes to his father today and he said "if they were too small he'd complain". The way people (MIL, GMIL, my DN's parents..) respond to us about this really makes me feel like we're overstepping our boundaries

I'll check the insides of the shoes next time- but I really doubt that I'll even feel "normal" toe impressions. His toes are curled up at the front of his shoe, you can feel this from the outside.
I don't understand why your DH didn't respond with "yes he does complain about his feet hurting in those shoes". You said yourself said that he complains. The communication about this between people who are family members seems very strange. If it is a FACT that the kids shoes are too small its a very easy thing to verify. You take the parents, grandparents over to the kids foot and show them. Very very strange.


Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
His parents are the ones that dress him each day and send him with the shoes. I have seen other pairs of shoes- but I think they get taken home with the older sister and just never worn by my dn.

I wouldn't throw them away either- seems wrong to me... they're not mine. I'd be pretty mad if someone threw away my child's shoes.
If you have had a real discussion about the shoes not fitting with the parents, which it doesn't sound like you have, then no, don't throw away the shoes. When you have a real conversation with them, instead of just mentioning it, I mean not allowing them to just blow it off, actually showing them that his shoes don't fit and they still don't listen, then buy the kid shoes that fit and get rid of the other ones. It doesn't sound like anyone has actually pushed the issue. If the parents aren't with the child a lot while he is out and about in his shoes, they may not have heard him complain about them yet. Should they know that his shoes don't fit, yes, unless the child had a big growth spurt in shoe size and they just haven't noticed.
post #38 of 116
Next time you pick him up, I wouldn't even leave their house with those shoes. I'd ask if he could wear some bigger ones because he keeps complaining about them, and because you can't get them back on if he takes them off.
post #39 of 116
Ya know.. you ARE his aunt. You have every right to say "He can't go with us unless he has a car seat." Or "If he's not wearing a coat". What's wrong with saying "He needs shoes that fit his feet". Then stand there and wait til they go get them for you.

You wouldn't take him out in November without his jacket. Right? So, put your foot down about the shoes. Poorly fitting shoes are no better than not being dressed for the weather.

Then, make a big deal to him about how nice he looks in his shoes. LOL. Even if he's little, he knows when he's looking good. My daycare kids come in with new shoes and can't wait for me to notice them. Besides, it's a proven fact that kids can run faster and jump higher in brand new shoes. Especially if they look cool too.
post #40 of 116
Maybe the next time you take him out, or are just visiting, and you see the size 5 shoes, the shoes could suddenly go missing. It is very easy to lose a pair of shoes, or at least 1 shoe which would make the pair unwearable. As if they are not unwearable now, but you get what I mean.
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