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They won't put shoes that fit on him!! - Page 3

post #41 of 116
9/25/10 at 3:55pm
This whole thread is so sad. I just do not GET someone doing that to their child!

I'm not sure I could toss them, but I might "lose" them and "find" them a lot later. Like, "Gee, can you believe it? They are so tiny they slipped under DD's carseat!" Or something.

I'm sorry, that must suck to see him in pain.

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post #42 of 116
9/25/10 at 6:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post
Maybe the next time you take him out, or are just visiting, and you see the size 5 shoes, the shoes could suddenly go missing. It is very easy to lose a pair of shoes, or at least 1 shoe which would make the pair unwearable. As if they are not unwearable now, but you get what I mean.
That reminded me of this: my dd threw one of her shoes out of the window when she was that age, maybe you could roll down the windows when you are driving and remind him not to throw one out of the window to give him the idea.
post #43 of 116
9/25/10 at 9:49pm
Thread Starter 
It's just impossible to reason with his parents- a converstaion simply cannot really happen with them about important stuff. Dad is too busy with work and his band (music) and mom is too busy with her new job and doesn't seem to always have two feet on terra firma- she's not "out there" by any means but she seems not to "get it" some of the time, but I think that is a product of her own upbringing on top of the fact that she's now caring for a 2 year old and hasn't done so for 11 years. I don't venture to say that her son is being brough up "wrong", but alot of their ways of doing things strike me as odd.

He gets dropped off EARLY in the am with GMIL so I dont see him when he's dropped off.
post #44 of 116
9/25/10 at 9:56pm
could you just say you threw them out since they were small and picked him up a new pair?
post #45 of 116
9/26/10 at 12:02am
I like the "shoe got thrown out the window" idea, that's believeable.

About 10 years ago we were at the zoo with a friend and her daughter who was about two. My husband was holding the little girl over the tiger exhibit and she managed to fling her shoe off and into the tiger exhibit, it was unbelieveable. She ran around the rest of the zoo with one shoe and then we had to buy her a new pair.
post #46 of 116
9/26/10 at 12:55am
Take him splashing in mud puddles and get them thoroughly wet, right before you are going somewhere else. Then get him an inexpensive pair that fit and tell his mom, "We didn't want him to have to wear wet shoes all day!"
post #47 of 116
9/26/10 at 11:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
It's just impossible to reason with his parents- a converstaion simply cannot really happen with them about important stuff. Dad is too busy with work and his band (music) and mom is too busy with her new job and doesn't seem to always have two feet on terra firma- she's not "out there" by any means but she seems not to "get it" some of the time, but I think that is a product of her own upbringing on top of the fact that she's now caring for a 2 year old and hasn't done so for 11 years. I don't venture to say that her son is being brough up "wrong", but alot of their ways of doing things strike me as odd.

He gets dropped off EARLY in the am with GMIL so I dont see him when he's dropped off.
People have given you a ton of advice and none of it is working for you. So either leave it alone or do something about it.
post #48 of 116
9/26/10 at 12:25pm
Why don't you just ask them? All this passive aggressive stuff...ew. My mom does stuff like that, "losing"clothes that ds wears to her house, "accidentally" giving dd formula, etc. Just ask them straight out. Bring the kid back with the shoes off and say "can you show me how you get his shoes on, because I can't do it. they look too small to me. I can't get them on, next time he comeswith me send him in some bigger shoes that I can get on his feet." end of story.
post #49 of 116
9/26/10 at 12:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle View Post
People have given you a ton of advice and none of it is working for you. So either leave it alone or do something about it.
post #50 of 116
9/26/10 at 3:16pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle View Post
People have given you a ton of advice and none of it is working for you. So either leave it alone or do something about it.
I haven't had my DN in my care since I posted this. I intend to do more about it when that time comes.
post #51 of 116
9/26/10 at 3:24pm
Throw them away. Period.

If they ask say, "I threw them away. They were falling apart and couldn't fit on his feet anymore. Now he can wear his Air Jordans."

Then change the subject, "we had so much fun at gym class; he and dd were so cute; yada yada".
post #52 of 116
9/26/10 at 9:08pm
I am really surprised at how many people are saying to throw them out & buy him a new pair.

He HAS a new pair, a 2nd new pair doesn't need to be purchased. For whatever reason he isn't being put into these new shoes.

anyone who is saying to just throw them away or "accidentally" lose them should really flip the situation & think about how they'd feel if someone did something like that to their child, even if the person doing it feels justified in doing it. How would people feel if another adult felt their child's hair should be cut & got it cut, or got rid of clothes that you purchased for them becuase they felt they could get better clothes. Then think about how you'd feel if that person had never brought the topic up to you first.

If the OP thinks the shoes are too small then she should talk to the parents about it.
post #53 of 116
9/26/10 at 10:42pm
Wait, are these his first shoes? His first real shoes anyway? the ones he took his first steps in? If so you absolutely cannot throw them away. You just can't.

Someone else had an idea that struck me as really good. you know he has cute shoes. Mention how you can't wait to see him in them. That it would be soooo sad if he outgrew them before he ever got to wear them. Maybe find a cheap picture place and get "cousin pictures" done. (you can usually find a cheap place around here that will do them for about $10, walk in even) Tell her you want the kids to coordinate and mention what you would like him to wear right down to the shoes. gush over how cute he looks and how sweet the pictures are etc. As well as how much more comfortable he seems...Although you mention DN is obsessed with air jordans...maybe they think they are too cute to wear, or more about the having of them than the wearing of them. People can be weird that way.

Or you could take a more direct approach...."I noticed you have been cramming dn feet in those tiny little shoes way longer than is reasonable. They are way too small. I cannot even cram his foot in them. They are hurting his feet even if he does not complain. Is it a money problem? I can buy him some new shoes or give you money for shoes. Would you and DN like to go shopping with dd and I? We could make a day of it. It will be fun They are sweet shoes, he took his first steps in them, you must be so attached to them....can I take them and to make a little keepsake for you? Do you have a picture of him taking his first steps in them? any pictures of when you first got them? I would love to do that for you it would make me so happy to do that! I love doing stuff like that. I know how attached I am to the shoes dd took her first steps in." (keep suggesting things to get those shoes off his feet and then do what you have to do. have them bronzed or get a little shadow box to make a keep sake, buy him some new ones, or just shame her into putting different ones on him....keep making suggestions until she gets it.)
post #54 of 116
9/27/10 at 12:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieMF View Post
anyone who is saying to just throw them away or "accidentally" lose them should really flip the situation & think about how they'd feel if someone did something like that to their child, even if the person doing it feels justified in doing it. How would people feel if another adult felt their child's hair should be cut & got it cut, or got rid of clothes that you purchased for them becuase they felt they could get better clothes. Then think about how you'd feel if that person had never brought the topic up to you first.

If the OP thinks the shoes are too small then she should talk to the parents about it.
I get what you are saying, but I don't think that the situations you are describing (cutting hair, getting new clothes) are comparable to this too-small shoe situation. For me this borders on a health and safety situation. Shoes that are too small are too small. Period. Black and white. This is not a case of "I don't think her boy should wear pink shoes" or something like that. Cramming feet into shoes that are truly way too small is harmful, imo. It can affect foot development, walking/gait, and eventually (if the gait is off) knees, hips, etc. And it is so so very painful. Poor little boy.

THAT SAID... I do believe that the first course of action should, of course, be talking to the parents. But, it was my understanding that the OP had done that? (maybe I'm misremembering what I read a day or two ago). If I were in the OP's situation I would yes, talk to the parents, trying some of the great ideas upthread to get through to them. But if that failed I would absolutely "lose" (keep but return later) the shoes. This little boy should not have his feet crammed in these shoes any longer. I would do what it took to ensure that they stayed off his feet.
post #55 of 116
9/27/10 at 1:11am
This is not her call to make though. It is overstepping boundries.
post #56 of 116
9/27/10 at 2:00am
I was a little kid who needed new glasses. My parents couldn't afford them and would have preferred gouge their own eyes out than ask relatives for money. Once when I was visiting my aunt and grandmother I mistook a field of cows for a field of horses. Our next stop was one of the one-hour eyeglass places where you can get an exam.

It wasn't, strictly speaking, my aunt's and grandmother's call to make. And I'm betting my parents were not thrilled. But frankly in that instance my parents weren't doing their job, and as the child in the situation I can't say I'm anything but glad for their butting in.

I realize "caregivers not doing their job" opens up the potential for all sorts of slippery slope arguments (just to preempt anyone who wants to go there: "but what about vaccines???"), but I think (or I hope) "demanding a child wear too-small shoes" falls under the category of "thoroughly uncontroversially and unanimously perceived to be caregivers just not doing it right."

As far as the idea that "you absolutely can not throw away his first shoes" brought up a couple of posts up-thread ... well, yeah, you can. If it's a clear problem and talking to them just as clearly about it hasn't worked, you can. When the subject is something being used to undeniably and with no arguable cause inflict pain upon a child, you absolutely can. If I'm beating you over the head with my wedding album, I hereby give you full permission to thoroughly disregard what may be my sentimental attachment to it in your response.
post #57 of 116
9/27/10 at 6:57am
I would be tempted to "loosen" the toes of the shoes so his toes could stick out, if they were truly too small. That way they could see he has outgrown them and put him in larger ones.

But, more than likely, I would just simply buy a nice looking pair and replace them (sending the old ones home with him). Maybe if he comes home wearing a pair he really likes they will let him continue to wear them.

I agree that it would be overstepping to "lose" them. I hate it when other people think that they can do that to me, no matter the issue, in regards to my children. I would not want to do that to anyone else. But, buying a new pair that was easy to put on and cute might be all the encouragement they need to put the old pair up.
post #58 of 116
9/27/10 at 7:04am
She's already brought it up to them, and he already has new shoes.

The only reason I could see for not tossing them is what someone brought up, maybe they're his first shoes he ever walked in---sentimental reasons for keeping them?

But seriously. Bronze them? and give them back to the parents? Come on.

It's ridiculous. I would just put new shoes on his feet and tell the parents the old ones don't fit.

eta and I don't think it's overstepping. The kid needs bigger shoes. If a kid needed food, and you fed him, would it be overstepping? No. It's not a preference issue, it's a need. His feet are getting all scrunched up and he has communicated that the shoes hurt. If a kid got a scratch and communicated that they needed a bandaid, would it be overstepping to give him one? No. He's in pain here. Not overstepping.
post #59 of 116
9/27/10 at 9:29am
This is not overstepping at all this poor lo could end up with serious problems having his feet crammed into such small shoes.
post #60 of 116
9/27/10 at 3:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieMF View Post
This is not her call to make though. It is overstepping boundries.
I disagree.

She's spending time caring for this child.

The child is in pain and also, poorly fitted shoes can cause lifelong foot problems, and those lead to back problems. I should know. I have a fallen arch and it may have led to my scoliosis.

I do think it's serious. "Losing" something need not be permanent. You could tell them you're going to clean out your car... next week... no really... oh gosh could they be in the lost and found?... next week... and three months later, "Can you believe it they slipped under the board in the trunk! OMG! Thank heavens we found them."
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