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They won't put shoes that fit on him!! - Page 4

post #61 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
I do think it's serious. "Losing" something need not be permanent. You could tell them you're going to clean out your car... next week... no really... oh gosh could they be in the lost and found?... next week... and three months later, "Can you believe it they slipped under the board in the trunk! OMG! Thank heavens we found them."
that's a great idea
post #62 of 116
I have a friend who spends a great deal of time with my kids. She, in the past, has taken it upon herself to throw away clothes that are stained or have a small hole in them (both of which I could care less about since they are play clothes). I was furious when I found out what she did. It is totally not anyone else's place to throw away something that you've paid for-regardless of if it fits.

I do agree the boy shouldn't be wearing shoes that are too tight and it confuses me that even though he has other shoes, he isn't wearing them, but do NOT throw them away.
post #63 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toolip View Post
that's a great idea
THAT is called "lying" and I velieve if the shoe were on the other foot (pardon the pun) it would not be taken so lightly.

My mom has done it to me before....brought ds home in brand new briefs underwear because she didn't think he should be wearing boxers. mysteriously, she managed to "lose" all his boxers that I sent him over to her to visit in. Maybe it's *not* good for his balls, maybe she's right. But it's still not her call.

Just either say something to the parents, or stop taking the kid out.
post #64 of 116
Yeah, I have a really hard time with anyone that forces their will upon me or my children, even if they think it is the "right" thing to do, or in the "best interest of the child".

I absolutely HATE it. I have had that done more times than I can stand by "well meaning" people that could not keep their nose out of my business.

And while I sympathis with this little boy, after thinking about it, I have changed my thoughts a bit. I am not certain that the shoes are so, so small after all.

I have a son with large feet. And honestly, there is no way I could get his feet into a shoe was just so small that you had to scrunch them to get them in. I have found that I could put on shoes that were tight, if I got him to relax his toes, but then if he fought in any I could not get them on.

And I have to agree, if the shoes were as bad as the OP thinks, the child would not be able to walk at all without constant pain. Thus, he would take them off or not walk.

Granted, I have not seen the shoes or the feet, so it is all conjecture, but based on my years of experience with children's feet, this is my opinion.

But, beyond that. I don't believe it is ANYONE else's right to dispose of something that does not belong to them. And to lie about it is even worse. If soemone did that to me, I would cut them out of my life, totally. Because, it is for me to choose for my children what I think is best, not for someone else. And I will not be second guessed by someone other than my husband. I don't care the reasoning. Even if it is "for the good of the child". It my child to make those decisions for, no one else.
post #65 of 116
Thread Starter 
I witnessed the (successful) attempt to put DNs shoes on today... it was an ordeal. I was upstairs with FIL, GMIL, & GFIL, DN & my children. GFIL was trying to put the shoes on, DN was screaming and crying. I told them that the shoes were too small, that he was obviously in pain, but they continued to insist that "he just does not like getting dressed". I asked if a different pair of shoes could be put on. I asked if they'd like me to bring a pair of DDs (gender neutral, and a size 7) shoes upstairs for DN to wear. No. They were going to put these shoes on come h-ll or high water (they didn't say that, but that's how it seemed). After much trying, neither GFIL or GMIL were able to put the shoes on. FIL (strong construction worker!) then stepped up to put them on, and he was able to put them on. I just can NOT understand how someone could do that to anyone, let alone a child! We were in the house, and he did not need shoes on! DHs family has a weird quirk that everyone wears shoes all the time inside. Anyways, FIL then said that the shoes were too small. GMIL insisted that he wear the shoes. I then again suggested another pair of shoes, and GMIL then angrily stated that the shoes fit him and that they were fine. I was just baffled and done talking, we left and went back downstairs (we live downstairs).

This is ridiculous! I just do NOT understand why they won't listen to me, or my DH! Tomorrow I need to meet my DNs mother outside when she drops him off because we need his car seat for tomorrow. I'm going to talk to her about it again then. I tried calling her a little while ago, no answer. I left a message for her to call me back.

If DN comes in the same shoes (which I fully expect he will), DH and I are going to Sears to pick him up a pair of shoes after gymnastics. We have plans to go to the aquarium (apple picking season is almost over and too long of a drive, plus the aquarium is free tomorrow), and I'm just going to let them know (when I return him to them with the new shoes on) that I couldn't get the old ones on because they are TOO SMALL.

This is incredibly ridiculous. One shouldn't even have to think about something like this! To me, it is simple- if my child's feet grow, and her shoes don't fit, I DON'T PUT THEM BACK ON HER!

And now that a PP mentioned gait- DN has a strange walk. He doesn't walk like most toddlers do, and I know that it varies widely child-to-child, but this particular variance *could* be caused by the too-small shoes. He doesn't take steps with a heel to toe walk, he sort of takes quick steps on each foot- when he walks he looks like he's running in place, almost. I really can't explain it. It could very well be a normal variance of "toddler walk", but he has been walking for a year. He also trips a LOT, but I'm not sure if that's just age related clumsiness or not.

Anyways, I'll update after I talk with his parents again. What do I do if no one ends up listening? Really. What do I do? I really don't want to just sit by and watch my DN in his too-small shoes. I will feel TERRIBLE if I just leave it be.
post #66 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
If DN comes in the same shoes (which I fully expect he will), DH and I are going to Sears to pick him up a pair of shoes after gymnastics. We have plans to go to the aquarium (apple picking season is almost over and too long of a drive, plus the aquarium is free tomorrow), and I'm just going to let them know (when I return him to them with the new shoes on) that I couldn't get the old ones on because they are TOO SMALL.
Good for you!

Based on your description of everyone trying to force his feet into his shoes today, it's a perfectly accurate and truthful statement to simply say that you were unable to get his shoes on his feet, so you bought some that fit.

Your GMIL has a really odd attitude about it -- I'd have to push her on the issue, saying something like, "Why are you so insistent that he wear these shoes when they're obviously too small?" If she says that they're not too small, say, "Give me a break -- I just watched you try to put them on him and you couldn't. It's a matter of fact that they're too small, not my opinion. Now again, why is it so important to you that he wear shoes that don't fit when he has access to ones that do??" I just wouldn't be able to let up -- it would make me crazy to watch that whole scene!
post #67 of 116
Thread Starter 
It's really hard to get into full fledged conversations with GMIL and GFIL, as there is a language barrier- I can communicate but I think it would be hard- I'm going to enlist the help of my DH with that one.

Others in the family do similar things, but NOT to this extent.

DHs cousin's daughter, my 2yo DDs age, used to frequently wear shoes that didn't fit because they matched her outfit. A few months ago she was in a pair of shorts (sized 3-6 months! I know because I gave them to her when my DD outgrew them!) and her mother commented on how cute they are and how lucky she was to be able to cram her DD into her "booty shorts" because they looked oh so cute with xyz shirt/hat/shoes. Give me a break, indeed! Though I do think it's a bit strange to do that, those occasions weren't as severe as my nephew's situation. I cannot understand WHY on earth they are doing this. Unlike my DHs cousin's daughter- it doesn't appear to be for fashion.. so I don't know But like I said, hopefully tomorrow works out and we're able to get some shoes that fit on him
post #68 of 116
That is a very sad scene, indeed.

The good thing is that now you have at least one person that admits they are too small. Perhaps you could push in that area. Like maybe the others would listen to him more than you? Maybe you could get HIM to buy some new shoes for the boy, and they would accept them.

I don't know your family dinamics, but maybe they are just not listenting because it is you that is saying it? I mean, I have a brother that is so "off", in a sense, that if he says something, I immediately question it, no matter what it is.

I hope I did not come across as offensive before, because that was not my intentions. I was just hoping that the situation was not as bad as you feared (for the child's sake).

My children all go without shoes as much as possible. My two year old is into only his third pair of shoes, and the two previous ones he only wore two or three times each. But, I understand those that "require" shoes be worn, my MIL is like that. And she does not understand our shoe-free life.
post #69 of 116
You said language barrier. Could this be culturial? That could explain a lot.
post #70 of 116
Would it help at all if you phrased it as "I bought these shoes because they are easier to put on" and stopped mentioning the size issue? Arguing about whether the shoes fit has led nowhere, but maybe pointing out the time savings, and ease of use would lead to a better reception?
post #71 of 116
How old is he? Seems he's about the age to want to put his OWN shoes on and take them off, so maybe make the case that he can do it himself with _____ (pair of shoes that fit, either ones he has or ones you buy) and then it's a lot easier on everyone.
post #72 of 116
To OP, your Sears plan sounds great.
post #73 of 116
Some older people do believe that shoes on young children need to be somewhat close fitting "to give the feet support." When DS first started wearing shoes, my mom would come shoe shopping with us, and always fuss that I was being cheap by buying shoes with "too much grow room" in them when they just struck me as properly fitting. Your GMIL and GFIL may really think the tight shoes are the right size.
post #74 of 116
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
Some older people do believe that shoes on young children need to be somewhat close fitting "to give the feet support." When DS first started wearing shoes, my mom would come shoe shopping with us, and always fuss that I was being cheap by buying shoes with "too much grow room" in them when they just struck me as properly fitting. Your GMIL and GFIL may really think the tight shoes are the right size.
"snug" would be nice in this situation, unfortunately

He's almost 2 years and 2 months old. He's extremely dependent, and is "babied" at home (was told by pedi that he has speech delays [hes also very nonverbal, though his vocab is finally expanding ] because he is being talked to in baby-talk). I honestly don't think that he's angry and wants to do it himself... I truely wish it were that easy and that were the case.

Kidzaplenty- Oh no, no offense taken! I think it may be cultural but I asked my DH and he replied "They just don't care" and reminded me of when the boy was about 15 months old and we had to buy him new clothes because he was wearing the same ones for days straight. And of a few other occasions I totally get the no-shoes thing, we wear shoes only when needed (but man does DD wear them out!). I'm frequently barefoot and get alot of flack from DHs family. You're right though, maybe it is me. Maybe I should get DH more involved- it is his family, after all... though he might not want to as he's under the impression that they "just don't care". So we'll see.

I searched sears.com and found a pair of shoes pretty inexpensive and pretty close to the ones he has now- checked online if they had them in our local store and they do We're very broke right now and my kids need winter stuff too... (I underestimated what we'd need! ) but I figure we can put one pair of shoes on a credit card for a child deeply in need.
post #75 of 116
nak

Well, it takes a village to raise a child . . .

I dont see any kind of intervention in this situation as meddlesome, you love the boy and he needs someone to advocate for him *shrug* In a way, he is yours to care for,too even though hes not your dc. Other adults besides parents may also have a responsibility to a child that they love.

I think you have a good plan.

For myself, I would be very direct as pps have said. In the scene you described earlier, I probably would've got fed up and just intervened and said, cmon DN and picked him up and out of that bizarro shoe struggle Totally weird.

I can't wait to hear about your escape from the WC!
post #76 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

He's almost 2 years and 2 months old. He's extremely dependent, and is "babied" at home (was told by pedi that he has speech delays [hes also very nonverbal, though his vocab is finally expanding ] because he is being talked to in baby-talk).
You know his pedi? If nothing you say to the family works give the pedi a call. This is a medical/developmental issue and the pedi can address it, without telling the family that it was you that called.
post #77 of 116
Thread Starter 
I know who his pedi is but I know such information because everything is announced like a press release every time they come back from an appointment. I have gone along with my MIL on appointments when DNs mom was at work, so I know where/who the pedi is.

Aren't doctors mandated reporters, though? I'm worried they'd get a CPS call.
post #78 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
And now that a PP mentioned gait- DN has a strange walk. He doesn't walk like most toddlers do, and I know that it varies widely child-to-child, but this particular variance *could* be caused by the too-small shoes. He doesn't take steps with a heel to toe walk, he sort of takes quick steps on each foot- when he walks he looks like he's running in place, almost. I really can't explain it. It could very well be a normal variance of "toddler walk", but he has been walking for a year. He also trips a LOT, but I'm not sure if that's just age related clumsiness or not.
from too small shoes. it is his damamging him. it probably hurts to walk.
post #79 of 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post
I know who his pedi is but I know such information because everything is announced like a press release every time they come back from an appointment. I have gone along with my MIL on appointments when DNs mom was at work, so I know where/who the pedi is.

Aren't doctors mandated reporters, though? I'm worried they'd get a CPS call.

at this point maybe they should. they are neglecting him. just from what i have read, i would be too pissed to leave it. i would have to do something to make sure that kid was ok. they are obliviously willfully making him wear shoes that hurt him and are causing him life long developmental issues. you know, like when they used to do foot-binding. you have talked till your blue in the face and no one is doing anything. they dont change his clothes? i would have offered to watch the child already and maybe cut the old people- grandparents or whatever- out of it. you said that you and your DH both think that they dont care. that is awful to grow up being taken care of people who dont care. you talk like you got the time and have him a lot anyway. offer to be the day care, say it is bc your kids like playing with him. anything you do, get that kid away from having those people be his primary care. that poor kid. makes me wanna cry
post #80 of 116
Quote:
THAT is called "lying" and I velieve if the shoe were on the other foot (pardon the pun) it would not be taken so lightly.
Yeah, I'd lie to someone who was hurting her child, in order to help the child. Sue me. I'll take the blame for that. Better to go to hell for lying and easing a child's pain, than go to heaven letting a child suffer like that.

Too-small shoes hurt a lot. It's just not right.

Quote:
I find you need to wrestle with shoes in general until you get to size 6 or 7.
It depends on the child. Some children have really smushy feet until that size or so, and some kids have round feet until then. So this is true but it is possible to find shoes that go on easier. I found Keens totally worth it at that age.
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