desperate for more than 1 hour of sleep

[holdingmyson]

My son is 5 months old, and naps for 15-30minute stretches during the day, 3 or 4 times a day. He goes to bed within an hour of me, at 10 pm or so. He sleeps for about 3 hours the first stretch, and then wakes up every hour after that. He co-sleeps with us, and all I do to put him back to sleep is roll over to nurse him. I can't sleep while he nurses, so I wait til he's asleep, roll him back over, then attempt to go back to bed. An hour later, I'm doing it again. Every time he wakes up, he is barely awake, and I can tell he didn't really mean to wake up but can't put himself back to sleep. He wakes up too early, exhausted but refuses to go back to sleep. He is cranky all day long. I don't think I need to explain how this is affecting me physically and emotionally...use your imagination .

I have tried EVERYTHING. More calcium, feeding him, sidecarring a crib, being paranoid about regulating the bedroom temperature, and I feel like the only thing I havent tried is nighttime weaning. I feel like he is too young for it, but I know it is possible. He HAS slept for 8 hour stretches before.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I will try anything at this point. I am no longer myself.

[HoldensMama]

Unfortunately I don't have any advice, just sympathy. I am going through a very similar time with my 7 mo old baby. It really sucks.

[mindymom]

For us a 24-hour routine really made a big difference. Get up at the same time every day of the week, for starters. If you can, try napping with him sometimes - it might help him nap for longer and at least will get you a little more rest (if not a REM cycle!)

Hang in there, it will just get better and better. We had exactly the same situation with our DS, but he did gradually outgrow it. And, as he got better at side-lying nursing I found it easier and easier to sleep through it.

[carnalcindd]

sounds just like my DS. I found that putting him to bed much earlier really helped. I think he was overly tired. I would nurse him in our bed and then leave once he was asleep. I would keep the baby monitor on him and then get some time with DH or doing whatever in the evenings. I would go to bed when he woke up for the first night feeding, which was usually around the time I had been putting him to bed before.

[kinley]

No one says it is easy to bring up a child. The best way to get some rest for the mother is sharing some responsibility with the father. I don’t see any other way a mother could catch some breadth. If it is not possible hiring a nanny might help. Even if it is for two hours it could be a lot of help. Or help from a friend can be an option.

[Hannah32]

What about an earlier bedtime? Your LO sounds like he's severely overtired. I recommend the Pantley book. She discusses how important an early bedtime really is.

[flavorfull1]

We have the same thing going on. DS, 9.5 months now but started at 4.5 months, sleeps in 20-45 min increments. If I do get a good two hour stretch during the day, it usually involves 3-4 nursing back to sleep times within that time frame. I tried everything, the things that you mentioned above (even the bedroom temp ), earlier bed times, later bed times, me trying to sleep with him, routine of bath, music, carrying/wearing him, rocking. I cannot seem to crack the code and it is getting awful. DS will stay up very late- usually 11pm but sometimes until 1am- and get up at either 8:30 or 9 for the day. I wouldn't be so obsessive about it but he seems tired and is fussy and I think I am going slightly crazy. If he goes to bed earlier than 7pm he is up again around 9 and stays up until very late. If I get him to go to bed around 8 or 8:30 it is usually good but he is up every 15-30min needing to nurse back to sleep. I know this doesn't seem encouraging but I am trying to say that yes, someone else is in the same boat of trying to figure it all out and with a foggy sleep deprived brain too! I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Another mom friend brought up that her 9.5 month old is waking up twice during the night and that she is worried he is nursing too much at 8-12 times a day.....um I wish that was what our life was like, at least just one day. I will be checking in to see what advice you get that I can steal too

[sammymama]

I feel your pain! My DD (now nearly 15 mos) is a very challenged sleeper, and always has been. Around the 6 month mark I thought I might lose my mind from sleep deprivation. Here are some things that helped me get through:

Don't have a clock in the bedroom - or, at least, cover it up so you're not staring at it every hour on the hour. For me that was a big mental help.

I agree with PP that your DS definitely sounds overtired. I would make his daytime naps a priority over everything else, and find a way for him to be getting at least 3 long (45-90min) naps during the day. Maybe he needs to be rocked/bounced to sleep in a sling/carrier? Or fall asleep in a swing? Or a drive in the car? For us it was (still is, actually) the cradle hold in a Balboa Sling, and bouncing on an exercise ball to get DD to sleep. When she was your DS's age it was admittedly difficult to stop everything and devote all that time to getting her naps worked out, but honestly, it was so much easier to be relaxed/happy during the day b/c she was not crabby anymore, and naps were not a battle (she to this day still wakes up no more than 10 minutes after being put down to sleep alone, no matter how "deep" a sleep state I wait for).

And for nighttime, when it got the hardest, I went to sleep with DD when she did at night - as in 7pm. And there were stretches of time when I was in bed literally for 12 hours, granted not asleep the whole time, but at least I was getting to relax more and ultimately get in more cat naps. Bring books, magazines, your laptop, ipod (can put a book on it as well) - all of those things kept/keep me entertaining when I am holding/helping DD stay asleep.

The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears helped me a lot. There are some strategies that he offers in there; even if they are not applicable to your situation, you may find some "attitude" tips in there. For me, adjusting my expectations and priorities helped me tremendously. When I wasn't freaking out about all the other things I wasn't getting to do and just accepted that they could (mostly all) wait for this time period to pass, it was a lot easier for me to be patient with DD and help her sleep.

I do NOT endorse any techniques that Dr. Weisbluth advocates in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby (he's all CIO), HOWEVER, I think he has some great points about the amount of sleep necessary at each age, how long babes can stay awake at different ages, etc, so I would recommend checking out his book only for those topics and ditch his awful techniques.

Since you brought up the thought of nightweaning I will volunteer my opinion on that: I would not recommend that *at all*. Especially since it seems you have a challenged sleeper on your hands, I would not take away one of your best mothering tools at this point. You probably don't want to hear this, but there are so many more developmental milestones/teething bouts ahead in your DS's next 8-12 mos that are going to wake him up at various points, and you may find yourself wishing for the option to b-f to get him back to sleep w/out you having to get up out of bed to walk/rock/bounce, etc. Even if you can't fully sleep through it, I think it's more relaxing than having to get up!

It absolutely SUCKS to be so sleep deprived. If you can book any day-time with a relative/nanny/sitter, etc, so you can get a stretch of an hour+, or maybe you always get to sleep in on the weekends, etc. In general reduce your amount of commitments, day time stresses, etc. I promise you that it DOES get better as they get older. In the meantime just be nice to your self and realize you are doing your DS a great service by gently mothering him! Hang in there and good luck!!

[mamazee]

Five months is just too young to nightwean. Even if he's slept through the night, he's still at an age where he'll have to at least sometimes nurse during the night just to regulate your supply. But you can try a few other things. Have you tried a paci for some of the times he wakes? Also, I agree with getting him to bed earlier. There's a saying that sleep begets sleep, and I think that's sometimes the case. And you could try swaddling. Even older babies sometimes like that. And I'd try to get him to take two longer naps instead of a bunch of cat naps. He doesn't sound used to the idea that you sleep for chunks of time, and is on a cat nap schedule. Maybe try to keep him awake during the early morning and then have him take a nap later in the morning, and then try to keep him awake until about 2 or 3 and try to get a longer nap in the afternoon. If he can start getting some more restful sleep overall, including the day, he might feel better and just generally sleep better.

[NewMom31]

Thank you for this. Adjusting expectations is huge and something I am working on.

[Unlikely Mama]

I didn't read through all the responses, so forgive me if I'm being redundant, but the first thing that jumps out is that 10pm is a really late bedtime.  Yes, all babies are different, but very few are by nature "night owls".  At that age my baby was going to bed between 6-7pm, the exact timing being related to when she awoke from her last nap.  I have also found that a predictable bedtime routine really helps as it cues her that sleep is imminent. GL!