whats your first thought in this birthday party situation

[babymommy2]

just curious what people think when you recieve an invitation and the whole class gets one. Assuming a regular class of 20 or more, not a litle class of less than 10 kids, as I think that is entirely different

[mamazee]

I don't think it's necessary to do that, but I would think the family was trying to be inclusive and didn't want any kids to feel left out.

[laohaire]

Just from my point of view, the effort and (often) expense of hosting such a large party would negate the present-grab angle.

I'm sure there are people out there who host a huge, cheap, unorganized party and just hope for the flood of presents, but I just think it's not that common.

Also, I'm biased because I personally would dread having that many presents. I'm intellectually aware that most people don't feel the same way, but just instinctively I would be thinking "oh, gosh, having to deal with all those presents would be SUCH a pain."

My first thought of a whole-class party is definitely "that's nice, very inclusive - mom maybe is nice and wants to meet the other moms - like the fact that they consider kids from the other sex as friends - sounds like a lot of fun and a lot less drama."

[Mackenzie]

It also could be the teachers requirement. At the beginning of the year, my son (first grade) had a bunch of information come home from the teacher and in that she requested that invitations to birthday parties only be handed out at school if all the students are getting one.

[nola79]

I've always done this. I just don't want anyone to feel left out. Definitely not about the presents.

[AllisonR]

Inclusive, for sure.
For my DS's class we have made a general birthday party rule - you either invite all the boys, or all the girls, or the entire class. You can't hand pick who you want to come, and reject others. This is obviously for birthday parties where you arrange pick up of the kids during school. Of course in your own free time a parent can have any type of party, with any group of people, they like; it's none of the schools business. But during school time, we have an inclusive atmosphere. I think this may change in the later grades, but right now it is the parents who are organizing the party that need to think about it.

[tatermom]

We invited the whole class to DS1's birthday last year (27 kids plus parents and siblings were invited). We had a big pizza party and some crafts for the kids to do, and we asked for "no presents" on the invitation. We had moved here last year from across the country and DS did not really have any very close friends yet, so we wanted to include everyone so that we could meet more families and really celebrate DS's birthday after a difficult move. I would suspect that most people who invite the class just really want to be inclusive and celebrate with a big party. I actually worried that saying "no presents" on the invitation might be taken as rude, but I also did not want anyone to think exactly what you were thinking, that we were somehow trying to get a big pile of presents. In fact, we usually go with minimal presents for birthdays and I can't imagine wanting to have that many presents in my house (as a pp said), but maybe that's just me.

[CatsCradle]

Well, we are having a party for DD this weekend at a small, non-profit puppet theatre where the capacity is 50 (children and adults). At first we were only inviting family, some close neighbors and DD's good friends from school, but DD's school instituted a policy whereby invites have to be given to the entire class. The alternative to this is to have a birthday celebration at the school with cake. I understand this policy as it creates a feeling of inclusiveness. It makes it tough, though, to be inclusive on our end to neighbors and family, especially if there is limited space.

So, I grit my teeth and gave everyone in her class invites, but only 6 children of the 15 are planning to come, so it worked at well for us. These 6 children are particularly good friends of DD's. DD often gets invitations from random kids at school, but usually we don't go unless it is a good friend or if schedule permits.

[momtoTnT]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

It also could be the teachers requirement. At the beginning of the year, my son (first grade) had a bunch of information come home from the teacher and in that she requested that invitations to birthday parties only be handed out at school if all the students are getting one.

It's one of the rules at our school as well - they don't want anyone to feel left out - so if you're going to have a party - invites can not be handed out at school unless the entire class gets one. If you are having a smaller party, invites need to be mailed or done by phone.

[Drummer's Wife]

I would think they wanted to include everyone as well as up the chances of having a good turn-out.

ETA: the gift thing never crossed my mind. I guess I just assume everyone dislikes all the additional clutter that birthdays and holidays seem to bring.

[ellairiesmom]

def inclusive.

we are hosting dd1's 3rd bday here tomorrow. just friends & my nieces & nephew...it's 20 kids & around 15 adults & there is no way gifts would "cover" the cost of throwing a nice party. and i would never expect that either. it's about everyone enjoying the day & getting together.

we also tend to do snacks, dinner, desserts & wine/beer anytime we host. that's typical in my group of friends & family.

[ollyoxenfree]

I think "inclusive". I would never do it, mind you, because the thought of a party that big for young kids gives me hives. I admire anyone who would organize one though.

[meemee]

a lot depends on the child. my dd is a total party girl. yeah she enjoys presents but the thing is party. we always have done it at the park so from 3 to 5 we had over a 100 people and dd loved, loved it. at 6 we had it smaller and 7 none. and this year we have a overnight camping bday party for 30 people.

however i have never done a whole class bday party. but we have been to a few. i always go because i know hte parents make such a huge effort and only a few people show up. that is so unfair. many dont even RSVP.

[happysmileylady]

nak

I always invited the whole class for my dd1's b-days, at least for the younger grades. For us, it was mostly about actually having enough to fullfill the CEC party. I did (and plan to continue) CEC (or mcDonads or similar) for the younger years/grades because I am lazy. No cleaning, no prep, and little planning. I just have to pick a date and send out invites. And at that time, you had to have more kids for them than you do now, and we rarely had a good turn out because DD1's b-day is over Christmas break. So, invite 20, 5 will probably show.

[philomom]

If your kid doesn't like or get along with the birthday child.. then by all means politely decline and don't go. It is stressful enough at parties without that drama.

But yes, I invited the whole class a couple of times and the moms of the mean kids dropped them off as if it was a free mom's morning out. The kids were disruptive, my birthday child got stressed out and I had deal with rude fellows who wanted to smash cake and run around. Believe me, no present made up for that!

[limabean]

Neither. I don't think they're "great" from a hosting or attending standpoint, but I definitely don't think they're present grabs -- I think people who choose to host whole-class parties are mostly coming from an inclusionary POV.

[odenata]

Originally Posted by laohaire

Just from my point of view, the effort and (often) expense of hosting such a large party would negate the present-grab angle.

Definitely.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree

I think "inclusive". I would never do it, mind you, because the thought of a party that big for young kids gives me hives. I admire anyone who would organize one though.

We actually had a situation this spring with dd's party. She wanted to invite all of the girls in the class except one. I pointed out to her that this would make the girl feel very bad and excluded. We could either invite all the girls or just a few. She chose just a few (thankfully!).

[sarahr]

Saying it's a "present grab" is too strong, but I think parties like that are over the top in an unpleasant way. I really think kids should just invite their friends -- and no one is friends with the whole class. Of course, that doesn't mean you should invite everyone but 1 or 2 kids -- that would be exclusive -- but less than half (of the class, or of the one gender) is appropriate. We're going with having the number of kids corresponding to the age, so 4 kids for my dd's 4th birthday.

At least around here, the parties where everyone is invited is at a fancy party place or involves hiring a performing and costs hundreds of dollars. Not necessary and inappropriate.

[mama1803]

Originally Posted by sarahr

At least around here, the parties where everyone is invited is at a fancy party place or involves hiring a performing and costs hundreds of dollars. Not necessary and inappropriate.

Maybe not necessary in your opinion, but if the parents want to spend the money and put out the effort to have that type of party for their child, what's it to you?