my son 'beat up' a big kid

[faithsstuff]

So my 21 month old ds has recently come out of his shell. Today at play group a small school bus pulled up. About 15 7 and 8 year olds ran out. There were about 10 of us already at the playground 20- 26 months old. My son soon found an 8 year old he liked and watched him play then tried to copy him. Ds didn't get in his way, try to approach him or anything. I was chatting in the shade and see this:

Ds is standing under a half sphere climbing thing. This other boy is about 1 foot away from him with his arms crossed. Ds is growling at him and patting him. His hair, his arm etc. The other boy was terrified and crying. Before I could reach them, the teacher removed the older boy. I thought she was going to knock me out, she was sooo pissed. We did the apology, talked about not touching others, I removed him from that equipment. The teacher wouldn't even look at me. I also noticed there was another little boy afraid to approach ds.

It was a ridiculous situation. The other playgroup parents thought it was hilarious that ds 'beat up' a big kid. Would anyone elses child have been as terrified? Ds was just playing! What do you all think?

[heatherdeg]

Eh... I could see my 6-1/2yo ds going either way with that, but he's kind of a sensitive kid. If yours was patting vs. hitting and it was really brief, I really wouldn't worry about it. Maybe this kid is sensitive, too, and the teacher knows it.

If it were my son (and truly, I could absolutely see my son being that kid) I would really have to revisit that he needs to advocate for himself and that he had the option of moving away--or at minimum calling out for help or to stop if it bothered him that badly. For whatever reason, my son doesn't understand that. This kid might have been the same way.

[texmati]

it could also be that the big kid has been told not to touch or hurt little ones. A 5 year old (from my DH's side of the family) once bit my 20 year old brother so badly that he drew blood.

He didn't cry, but he sure did whine about it later on. Obviously, my brother could have physically stopped him, but wasn't quite sure what to do. *note to self* must teach brother about appropriate action before DS gets anymore teeth.

[freestylemama]

Maybe the boy had a special need.

I don't think it's ridiculous that the teacher reacted to protect her student. If he was crying, the child was clearly scared from your child's growls and touches and she acted to help him feel safe. Some toddlers don't have a good grasp of personal space yet and some older children have a really difficult time with unwanted touches and things they perceive as threats (growling).

Did the teacher get upset because you didn't intervene sooner when your child was growling and approaching the boy?

I certainly don't think it's funny that your child made an older child cry. In my book, laughing at crying kids, no matter the age, is cruel and insensitive.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by freestylemama

Maybe the boy had a special need.

I don't think it's ridiculous that the teacher reacted to protect her student. If he was crying, the child was clearly scared from your child's growls and touches and she acted to help him feel safe. Some toddlers don't have a good grasp of personal space yet and some older children have a really difficult time with unwanted touches and things they perceive as threats (growling).

Did the teacher get upset because you didn't intervene sooner when your child was growling and approaching the boy?

This is exactly what I was thinking. A bus full of only 15 (not even a full class) 7-8 year olds at a playground on a school day? I am going with special needs students.

[faithsstuff]

It was a local charter school that doesn't have thier own playground. I know ds was patting him b/c he was crying (it's what he does at home) and I could certainly see how being growled at by some random kid could startle you. I guess I'm having an issue with expectations. I certainly won't be telling ds he can't be a dino. I do think that playgrounds need to be a safe place for all kids, but how far do you take it. If this boy does have special needs, how do I make sure this never happens? In my mind it's almost a no fault situation. I mean in regards to the kids. I think both of us adults could have done a better job. It's interesting to me that this is my fault and that a 21 month old can't play on a playground as is developmentally appropriate. If one of the older had run into my child (has happened before) I would have picked him up and told him to watch out for others.

[physmom]

We had a very similar situation happen yesterday but with a somewhat younger kid (although still probably older than DD). DD had gone up steps to a higher level of the playground but she is NOT supposed to do that without me (she had ran away and done it) because it's really high (taller than me) and there are gaps in it that she could walk right off.

Anyways, I think she got to the top of the steps and realized something was wrong and tried to turn around but there was another girl right behind her that wasn't going to move. DD then hit that girl right on the head. And I immediately heard the girl's mom yell "Oh no she didn't!!!!" really, really loudly.

So I told DD no to hit then I directed her to go up the stairs and down the nearest slide and took her somewhere else (while explaining to her that we don't hit people). Yeah, the mom wanted to kill me but what can I do? She's not even 2 yet and it's unrealistic for me to be behind her every step of the way (and, seriously, it's not like that mom was right next to her kid either ). The best I can do is model appropriate behavior and tell her when she's not supposed to do something.

It's frustrating when people react so strongly to incidents like that but some people just get really defensive very quickly. Add into that that all kids have very different personalities and it's easy for some parents to blame one hit (or growl) on bad parenting if they have a toddler that doesn't do those sort of things. However, it IS normal at this age and you just have to continue to model good behavior and explain when they do something wrong.