anxiety/spd getting worse

[proudmamanow]

5 yo dd has been diagnosed as having auditory & tactile sensitivity, and we are going for a full proper OT evaluation in a couple of weeks. She is also a very anxious kid....and the two have always gone hand in hand, which I know is very common.

So here we are 3 weeks into September and she is having a really hard time...seems constantly on edge, anxious, excess energy, lots of uncharacteristic outbursts (like over not having ice cream for breakfast, having to brush her teeth). She just seems so unhappy & unsettled...even some of her usual favourite activities (dance, yoga) don't seem to be as easy/fun for her as usual.

So one possible factor is that we are planning to move in the next few months. We are actively looking for jobs & housing in a city 5 hours away. A city that we love, and we will have lots of supportive family & friends either in the city or very nearby. Dp & I are very happy about the possible move, not really especially stressed about it. Though we don't have a definite date for the move yet and it is not really final.

We did talk to dd about it, because although we tend to protect her from needless anxiety, we had been meeting real estate agents & friends & family had mentioned the possibility in her presence. We thought it was better to address it head on, openly, rather than have her be wondering what was happening.

In retrospect that may have been a mistake, because it seems her recent behaviour can be traced back to us talking to her about this. I think she is understandably feeling very anxious about the move...but it is virtually impossible to get her to talk about her feelings or to articulate them in appropriate ways...instead she just acts out, hitting us or threatening to hit us, picking on her little sister, screaming etc.

I have tried telling her a story about a little girl like her feeling worried and talking about it, but it doesn't seem to have helped. In our experience she does NOT respond well to any kind of relaxation technique, even those designed for kids. I'm thinking maybe she needs a bit more physical activity?

Any ideas welcome!!! And the OT evaluation can't come soon enough!!!

[proudmamanow]

and now she's not sleeping either
Despite magnesium, a weighted blanket and sometimes melatonin, she's been taking longer & longer to fall asleep and then is waking up within 2-3 hours & coming into our room.

[LynnS6]

I would get library books on moving for her. Even if she doesn't want to talk about her feelings, she might do well hearing stories about children experiencing a move.

My favorite book for this age group is Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes. It's not about moving, but it is about a little girl (rat?) going into a new situation. For adults, Freeing Your Child From Anxiety is a good book.

Other than that, I don't know if I have much to say to help that you probably haven't already tried. Lots of outdoor time in the morning (helps set the sleep clock), lots of large motor activities, heavy work (carrying heavy things, jumping, swimming). Do baths calm her down or ramp her up? If they calm her down a bath with epsom salts is a way to increase magnesium. Make sure she's getting enough protein and enough fat. Keep sugars and simple carbs to a minimum.

Hopefully the OT evaluation will help and you'll get a plan to help ground her and help her learn to regulate.

[proudmamanow]

Thanks so much for your always helpful words, Lynn.
We had a good talk about it on the weekend, and I talked about how I was feeling two different things at the same time (i.e happy & sad) and it seemed to help. I was trying to use pointers from How to Talk, and it seemed to help.


But her anxiety is still generally at a very high level, she does seem to be getting better at articulating her emotions...talking about feeling shy & scared and wanting to be with us.

Now we need to figure out how to best manage our introverted personalities with a dd who must be near us all the time!

I'm really, really, really looking forward to her OT assessment on the 14th. One of the things I find so hard with her is that anxiety & SPD seem to be interwoven & it's very hard to tease out one from the other and know which one to support. Hopefully getting the SPD addressed will help the anxiety...

[Learning_Mum]

I don't have experience with a child with SN but I do have experience with anxiety.

A HUGE trigger for me is not knowing something. Like if someone says they'll be round 'later' it can be very anxiety inducing. I like to know a time. Maybe the fact that she knows you're moving but doesn't know WHEN is causing some of the problem? Is there a way that you can give her a firm date? Maybe mark it on the calendar so she can see when it is? Give her a timeline about how things are going to go - like you're going to start packing on X date, you'll pack A room first, then B room etc?

Distraction is really great for helping me. My distraction is cleaning. I actually hate cleaning, but it gives me a purpose and a task that has a tangible end. Is there something that she really loves that you could do when she's feeling really anxious? Maybe a special DVD? A walk at a special park? Painting? Drawing? A special book you can read? Maybe you could even buy a special soft toy that she can tell her worries to? It might help to have something that just listens rather than offering advice.

[proudmamanow]

Thanks so much for your caring suggestions, Learning Mum.
I think the uncertainty is a big part of it. (It's certainly getting to me right now! I have a 2nd interview for a job on Monday and I am having trouble sleeping myself right now, so I can relate). As soon as we have more info & can give her a concrete plan, I think it will help a lot.


Distraction for her is a good idea too, I think the things she finds most settling are physical activity (dance, yoga, trampolining) and math work, she really likes math. She's into writing little picture books right now, so maybe I that would be another way to get her to express herself.

[Learning_Mum]

Physical activity is probably a really great idea. You tend to feel a build up of nervous energy (which is why I think people start rocking, or rubbing etc) when you feel anxious. Being able to burn some of that off would probably help. Maybe you can stick on a really upbeat song for her and dance around the living room like lunatics!