Did anyone not hide the news of their pregnancy? - Page 2

[greenmulberry]

I didn't tell people at work until it was beyond obvious. I just work with a lot of people and they are all in each others business. I think if I lost a baby all the pity from everyone would cause me to freak out. I don't need those people for anything resembling emotional support.

I only told upfront people who I was close too and would want to know if something happened, I really don't need or want support from anyone other than DH, and maybe one or two other close friends.

[fyrwmn]

with #1 (dd) we told everyone very early on. dh had just gotten hom efrom iraq and we were shocked to say the least, though very happy about it. it never occured to us not to tell people.

with #2, we waited till 7wks and told the family at christmas. we had told dd right away too, though she was only 12mo. we even brought her to the u/s at 11+ wks and really talked up how she would get to see the baby and everything. thank God that she was too little to really understand any of it, because we found out at the u/s that the baby had died around 8wks or so.

#3 we didn't tell dd, but we did tell our families within a week of finding out. our thought was that it was very unlikely for lightning to strike twice right. we had another missed miscarriage, and i really wished we hadn't said anythng because the kind of "support" we got was not what we needed!

#4 we waited till we saw a heartbeat at 6+ and 8 wks. we thought we were out of the woods for the most part, so told our families again, and then went thru another missed miscarriage.

#5 (ds) we'd completely lost any hope of getting a take home baby so we told no one. we had weekly u/s from 7wks thru the end of the 1st trimester due to being so stressed about miscarrying again. not to mention, the only way we learned of (or even suspected) the miscarriages was thru u/s wks after the babies had died. my body never gave us any signs. after the 12 wk u/s, we told dd, who was just shy of 3 at that point. miraculously, she did great and did not tell anyone. we ended up telling family around 17wks and work at 20wks, mainly because it was impossible to hide at that point. it was nice to be able to just have the stressful part of the pg be just dh and i. i tend to be a very private person, and i wouldn't have wanted people asking how things were, etc. not to mention, i couldn't handle any more comments about how we needed to stop trying, were obsessed, etc if we went thru another loss.

#6 (to be determined ) we again waited till 12 wks to tell dd, adn 16 or so to tell family. we weren't nearly as nervous about things going wrong this time, but it was nice to not have other people worrying too and having that rub off on us. not to mention, ds will only be 17mo when this baby is born, so we didn't want to hear the comments about our family size, timing, etc.

[odenata]

I told my family and close friends immediately, figuring that if anything did happen, they would be my support network anyway.

[Smokering]

Just another perspective...

We waited until 12 weeks to tell everyone except my mother, with DD. Mostly because of the risk of miscarriage, but partly because I didn't want everyone in our small church flapping and squawking over me for longer than necessary.

That said, next time (possibly "this time", if I'm pregnant right now - not sure yet!) I'm thinking we might tell family a little earlier. SIL knows my TTC plans, so it'd seem kind of sneaky to hide it from her (especially when we were happily discussing cervical mucus last week!); and if I get sick like I did last time, I might need some help from Mum with babysitting DD. Just for practical reasons, it would seem hard to hide the (for me, historically) physically hardest part of my pregnancy when I could use the support. Plus, Mum drives us to church every week, so she'd probably notice me throwing up... plus, if I get horrible cystic acne like last time, it'll be sadly obvious anyway.

I don't feel comfortable with making it public public until later, but unfortunately I have an autistic sister who's incapable of keeping a secret to save her life, so... we'll see. I might just tell Mum and a few of my sisters (and SIL), unless DH objects to his parents not knowing at the same time as mine. Then again, we'll be sharing a house with extended family in 6 weeks' time for my sister's wedding, so it might be hard to hide symptoms, again...but I don't want to overshadow the wedding either. Gah.

[kalamos23]

#1 (DD) we told DH's family at 7w2d after the u/s at 6w6d had a heartbeat. It was Thanksgiving and DH was begging to tell them. I wanted to wait until Christmas (12 weeks exactly). DH's mom told EVERYONE even though I told her not to, that we wanted to tell people. Thank God we didn't lose the baby, I think I would have been devastated as we lived in a very small town and everyone knows everyone else's business.

#2 lost too early to tell anyone but DH.

#3 was going to wait until 12 weeks to tell DH's family, told mine at 5 weeks because I knew they would be supportive plus they live crosscountry and wouldn't tell anyone. Saw a heartbeat at 7w3d on u/s. Found out at 11w1d that the baby had passed around 8.5-9 weeks.

#4 was going to wait until 12 weeks again - at 5w2d had a huge gush of blood. Turned out I had another subchorionic hematoma (had ones with DD and a retroploacental hematoma with #3) and it was compressing the gestational sac and didn't look good. Lost the baby at 7 weeks.

#5 (tbd) still haven't told anyone besides my parents and that was only because we happened to be on vacation with them when we found out. U/s at 6w6d shows another SCH, but u/s at 8w1d looked good. We will probably tell at Halloween at 14.5 weeks.

[MrsBone]

I didn't wait, well, I take that back, I waited 2 weeks after postitive test and couldn't keep it in any longer. I was 6 1/2 weeks. I also didn't think I would be able to hide it for that long anyway, with how sick I was the first time. And if people began to ask, I certainly wasn't going to lie, so I figured I might as well let it out.

[annablue]

Before about 16 weeks, I was selective about who I told - my thought process was, "If I were to miscarry, would I want to explain it to this person?" Most of the time, the answer was no. (I'd already told close family and friends.) The last thing I wanted to deal with after a loss was having to go around and inform everyone, or having people I wasn't close to ask me about the baby and have to tell them we'd lost it.

[nadia105]

I have never been able to not tell, everyone usually knows within a couple days of when I find out. I have been very fortunate and haven't had any losses, though, and I can see how that would affect when you told.

[wholewheatchick]

BFS: Congratulations!!!!!

I told DH when the came home from work. We told our parents that night. I kind of wanted to wait to tell people, because my mom and sister both had first tri losses, but DH was so excited that he wanted to tell everyone. I didn't want to squash his enthusiasm. So, we told friends within the next two weeks. By 10 weeks pretty much everyone knew.

After I talked with one of my friends about it, I liked her perspective: people are going to wonder why you are so excited and happy, and if you miscarry, people are going to wonder why you are depressed. I can't hide my feelings for love nor money, so I figured it was best to just slowly let people know. NO WAY could I have waited till 2nd tri to tell!

[WifeofAnt]

Another reason I told so early was because our families knew we had been trying for a while. I used to tell my mom when I ovulated! There aren't too many secrets in my family...

[Twinklefae]

The pee hadn't dried on the stick when I put it up on Facebook. If I'd lost it, I would still want to talk to people about how sad I was, so there didn't seem to be much point in waiting.

[Evergreen]

I'm waiting for a different reason. The only one I really don't want to know right now is my mother. She's very judgmental about people having more than two kids (despite the fact or perhaps because she had four). I just want to be excited for a while before I have to deal with her scrutiny. No, it wasn't planned in fact we had just started actively preventing. Yes, it happened the day dh got laid off. No, I don't know how we're going to afford it. Blah Blah Blah.

I announced DD1 the day I found out and DD2 a few days after I found out.

[myk]

i have a history of m/cs and figured 9 months was an awfully long time for a 5 year old to understand, so i waited until near 3 months to tell her. everybody else, i didn't hide it. the way i see it, when i'm pregnant the normal thing for me to do is go to the library and take out all the books about it. with daddy being the town's librarian, no way could we hide it from his coworkers that way. we told family right away too, because the way i see it.. if we DID have a loss we'd want their support.

i truly hated keeping a secret from my daughter. i think it was the right thing to do, only because she has a hard time understanding that katie won't be here til after christmas, but i really didn't like it and if she had found out sooner, i think that would have been ok too.

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I didn't wait, mostly because we had two miscarriages the year before and we wanted the prayer, love, and support of our friends and loved ones.

Yep this!

We lost our first at 12.5 weeks. If we had waited until the magic "12 weeks" we would have been untelling them just a few days later..

Instead, we had tons of people already in love with the baby and excited for us who gave us TONS of support/cards/momento type gifts etc. And I had plenty of people sharing stories with me about their losses which gave us all a chance to talk about them (which unfortuantly isn't done enough in our society...it is kind of expected to shove the feelings under the rug).

[heathenmom]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

I'm waiting for a different reason. The only one I really don't want to know right now is my mother. She's very judgmental about people having more than two kids (despite the fact or perhaps because she had four). I just want to be excited for a while before I have to deal with her scrutiny. No, it wasn't planned in fact we had just started actively preventing. Yes, it happened the day dh got laid off. No, I don't know how we're going to afford it. Blah Blah Blah.

I announced DD1 the day I found out and DD2 a few days after I found out.

Similar situation here. Honestly, we're struggling financially and if I were younger we'd probably have waited to ttc. But I'm OLD and just didn't want to wait any more. But yeah, my parents are going to be less than enthusiastic and I just don't want to deal.

[gummibears]

I understood it, but having never having had a loss, I've never been through it. Still, we told everyone when we knew starting at 4 weeks. The last of the family has recently found out within the last 4 weeks, and we are unsure if word of mouth has gotten around to the rest of the large family or not.

[heathenmom]

Originally Posted by heathenmom

Similar situation here. Honestly, we're struggling financially and if I were younger we'd probably have waited to ttc. But I'm OLD and just didn't want to wait any more. But yeah, my parents are going to be less than enthusiastic and I just don't want to deal.

Well don't I feel silly. I told my parents yesterday and they were thrilled! When will I stop inventing crap to worry about?