Forum crashing . .. . saw this in the New Posts and felt compelled to respond.
I'm so sorry. I went through this. You can read some of what I posted on a recent thread over in PaP. That was in the context of reconciliation after cheating. DH and I were able to reconcile but it was a long, tough road.
At any rate, if you've decided to split up, I know these fabulous ladies in the single mamas forum will be able to help you a lot.
Whatever you decide to do, take a look at www.survivinginfidelity.com
There are great resources and a lot of BTDT.
Hang in there. This is tough stuff.