My husband did this too. For years I found all kinds of sick perverted sex meet up sights on his computer. Local skanky girls. pay to play girls. group stuff. Who knows what all he did. I found out one morning he had been sleeping with another woman for 5 years. I know the affair started when I was pregnant with my dd at least a year earlier. I heard a message on his phone. I ended up going into preterm labor that morning and he left me in the hospital alone most likely to return her phone call. Thank goodness the baby stayed in for five more weeks. But it was heart breaking when I found out he was actually having sex with another woman. In the years between finding out about the woman and finding out they were actually having sex every time I turned my freaking back I just about let him drive me crazy. Its been about 9 years and they are still together. crazy. He was doing all the pervy sex stuff while being married to me and sleeping with her. gross. gross. gross.
GET YOURSELF TESTED!!! Just assume he was sleeping with them. I am shocked at what some guys are capable of. I thought my xh would never be capable of actual sex. Soooo wrong.
As for everything else....You CAN do this. you WILL be ok. Just take it one breath, one step, one day at a time.
I am so so so sorry you are going through all this. I wish you were my friend, my neighbor. I would love to be able to help you in some tangible way.