Explosive Children and Extracurricular activities

[Cavy]

We've had bad experiences trying to take DS (6) to formal EC activities -- he ends up wailing or hitting -- just generally losing it. I can't always stay with him at these things.

He's been offered a place at Beavers (younger than Cub Scouts) for January start... but I am afraid to try. The last thing I want is him to go have a bad experience and end up feeling that "everyone" hates him. I'd rather him not go at all. He could defer to start next September when he'll be 7yo; I wonder if that would be best. Or maybe never would be best?

Any thoughts or experiences?

[Needle in the Hay]

My son did his first activity without me being nearby/accessible when he was 7.5. Before that he had done a few craft workshops (starting at age 6.5) with me at a nearby table (they were held at a restaurant). He actually only needed me once, when there were over 20 kids participating, usually there were around six or so.

In our experience, waiting helped a ton. Being older he had a lot more self-control and wanted to listen and follow directions. Now he's 9 and in 3 weekly group activities, plus various workshops (he's homeschooled though, I'm not sure what he'd be able to handle if he weren't). He does really well. The hardest activity for him is soccer due to the competitiveness, but it's just a class, not a team, so he's doing OK.

In your case I guess it would depend on if he were really keen on trying the scouts activity or if he'd be OK with waiting. If he'd not be disappointed, then waiting might be the better option.

[Cavy]

Any other thoughts? Ta.

[mommy2maya]

Can you stay with him at Beavers? For us, with scouts, when they are in first grade, a parent has to stay with them.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Cavy

Any other thoughts? Ta.

Nope, I'm just having the same thoughts as Needle in the Hay.

[Cavy]

I guess I'm reluctant to have to commit to staying every week, 90 minutes, I don't expect to enjoy the time and I have other things I might want to be doing then; would also be easier if I could pick DD up from gymnastics before Beavers finishes. I do stay for his swimming lesson, but him doing swimming is a priority to me whereas Beavers is entirely optional (parents normally don't stay at our local Beavers, either).

Also, me staying doesn't mean he won't have a blow up, just makes it less likely that he will behave so badly that he has to leave permanently. I guess it's the only way forward, in which case I have to think very hard about what I think we might both get out of it.

Anyway, I'm actually finally reading The Explosive Child, is more reassuring than I thought it would be!

[Cascadian]

Definitely wait. It will make the whole experience a billion times more pleasant and safe for both your DS and the other children. It will also give you a chance to see if your DS has some behavioral stuff to work on, deeper than merely a maturity level thing.

6 is a little old to be hitting other kids who he doesn't know, IME (I have a 6 yr old so I'm intimately familiar with this age group). TBH as another parent investing my kid's time and safety in an activity, I'd talk to the leaders of the group if another child was unsafe at that age so that it was 'dealt with' in one way or another. Or I'd withdraw them so they wouldn't be in the line of fire. Doesn't make for pleasant interactions at the parental level for you, either.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Cavy]

Ouch .
Well... I guess that's my real concern. I don't want to antagonise people.
I'll have to think hard about how to make sure DS never finds out why he didn't really get to ever go to Beavers.