So, I teach at the private school both my dc attend. The younger is 5.5 and is finishing his first month of kindergarten. His teacher pulled me aside the other day, and told me she was going to ask for a "TM" (Team Meeting) about him-- in other words, a staff and parent sit-down about a student having "serious" problems of some sort at school.
The teacher is a good teacher and a lovely person, but can be a "bulldog" about wanting others to agree with/act on her opinions (I am not the only one who feels this way). I am concerned that she has developed a certain opinion of ds, and that nothing will change it-- not even reality!
She keeps saying he is "in his own little world," "needs to choose to be in this world," and similar. She compared him to another, older, child whom we have both had as a student-- unfavorably!
Ds and the child she compared him to are fairly similar in their intelligence and love of imaginative play (they are friends, in fact). The other child had trouble sitting still or being quiet for short periods even at the end of kindy (and still needs many, varied, accommodations during the school day). The child has a diagnosis (not one that would fit ds, I think) and a 504 plan. Still, the kindy teacher thinks that the other child is more grounded/attached to reality than ds!
According to the kindy teacher and the specialties teachers, ds has been doing his work-- and well. He needs a bit of finessing, or a firm hand, sometimes. Ds has gotten in minor "trouble" for not being on task or not keeping his hands to himself. She has brought up that he hums to himself (this is new). I have not gotten the impression from anyone that he is a disruption (more than any other kindergartener). I get to peek at his class at least once a day, and I haven't seen him causing problems, either. Fwiw, I have taught kindergarten myself, and would not have called a "Team Meeting" for a child acting like ds.
So, finally, here's the crux of the matter. Even though the teacher hasn't said this, I think it's ds' attitude that is bothering her. I tried explaining to her that he has anxiety (family trait
, my older ds has a label), and that he reacts to anxiety by being grumpy/negative. Not all day, mind you-- mostly in the morning, and when confronted with things he doesn't like!
She is concerned that ds is reacting to stbx' and my separation. She knows that stbx can be a you-know-what, and thinks that if the school requires counseling, then stbx will have to get on board and pay up.
I'm not against counseling, mind you-- but I am against it being in my ds' school records that counseling was mandated for him. And while the separation was a big change, ds took it really well. He'd been happy as usual for 4 months after we separated; the anxiety started 2 weeks before kindergarten.
Also FWIW, I am not in denial about the possibility that ds needs counseling or has issues to be addressed at a Team Meeting. My older ds had one last year, and when the school wanted him assessed, I said "Where and when?"
With my younger ds, though, I just don't see a problem.
Advice?
The teacher is a good teacher and a lovely person, but can be a "bulldog" about wanting others to agree with/act on her opinions (I am not the only one who feels this way). I am concerned that she has developed a certain opinion of ds, and that nothing will change it-- not even reality!
She keeps saying he is "in his own little world," "needs to choose to be in this world," and similar. She compared him to another, older, child whom we have both had as a student-- unfavorably!
Ds and the child she compared him to are fairly similar in their intelligence and love of imaginative play (they are friends, in fact). The other child had trouble sitting still or being quiet for short periods even at the end of kindy (and still needs many, varied, accommodations during the school day). The child has a diagnosis (not one that would fit ds, I think) and a 504 plan. Still, the kindy teacher thinks that the other child is more grounded/attached to reality than ds!
According to the kindy teacher and the specialties teachers, ds has been doing his work-- and well. He needs a bit of finessing, or a firm hand, sometimes. Ds has gotten in minor "trouble" for not being on task or not keeping his hands to himself. She has brought up that he hums to himself (this is new). I have not gotten the impression from anyone that he is a disruption (more than any other kindergartener). I get to peek at his class at least once a day, and I haven't seen him causing problems, either. Fwiw, I have taught kindergarten myself, and would not have called a "Team Meeting" for a child acting like ds.
So, finally, here's the crux of the matter. Even though the teacher hasn't said this, I think it's ds' attitude that is bothering her. I tried explaining to her that he has anxiety (family trait
, my older ds has a label), and that he reacts to anxiety by being grumpy/negative. Not all day, mind you-- mostly in the morning, and when confronted with things he doesn't like!She is concerned that ds is reacting to stbx' and my separation. She knows that stbx can be a you-know-what, and thinks that if the school requires counseling, then stbx will have to get on board and pay up.
I'm not against counseling, mind you-- but I am against it being in my ds' school records that counseling was mandated for him. And while the separation was a big change, ds took it really well. He'd been happy as usual for 4 months after we separated; the anxiety started 2 weeks before kindergarten.
Also FWIW, I am not in denial about the possibility that ds needs counseling or has issues to be addressed at a Team Meeting. My older ds had one last year, and when the school wanted him assessed, I said "Where and when?"
With my younger ds, though, I just don't see a problem.Advice?
