A positive about ex being a UAV!!!

[smeep]

So the basic background is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and my now ex is a huge UAV and is no longer participating in appointments. I'm pretty sure he won't be at the birth (I don't really see it being possible to get to a place where I can allow him to be there) and I'm very unsure of what his involvement will be when baby is here.

BUT...

I just realised that I get to name the baby myself!!! I've been sad over the things this baby and I were losing (DS's biodad was NEVER involved, so I got a lot of my hopes up with this guy because he started out involved), but now I'm realising the things that I don't have to worry about. I'm excited that I don't have to worry about his opinion on names and I'm especially ecstatic that I get to use my last name! I was willing to compromise and use his last name and have my last name as one of baby's middle names but that was when he was actually participating. Now that's all out the window and I get to give baby my last name, wooo!!! I'm super excited because my last name is EXTREMELY rare. Yay for happy single mama moments!!!

[kryztuh]

One of my bright spots is also getting to name the baby without any negotiating or compromising.

Good for you for trying to find a bright spot. Being pregnant without a supportive partner can be so hard and emotional.

[lilyka]

fun!!!!! I would have loved to name my kids without my xh input. I did get the baptized as soon as I filed for divorce and got to pick new baptismal names fort them and I won't lie...They kick butt! I positively swoon every time someone uses them. I also picked their God parents without his input which I guess he was upset about. He doesn't even go to our church, refused to even visit before they were baptized....How could he possibly pick a godparent?

Whatever....It was fun doing that those things without him raining on the parade (he is a professional parade rainer I think) pretending to be indifferent and then having an opinion all of a sudden when it was too late to do anything about it.....


SOOOOOOO


what are you thinking for spectacular names that no one has the right to veto?

[singin'intherain]

Raising babies with zero help from the other parent is so hard in so many ways... but if you're stuck with it anyway, there's no point in pretending there aren't advantages as well. If you have had that kind of partner, it can be a relief to just make a decision without going through the big Ego first.

[meemee]

you know mama the same happened to me when i was preggo. all the problems started and was v. visible to the ob and staff. i used to get rides with then dh and he would stay and attend and after a while the docs and nurses totally ignored him.

i will say it was the hardest time of my life. not even with a baby. the emotional pain of being alone while there IS someone in the house is the worst kind of pain i have ever lived thru. my dd was a HARD baby, but nothing compared to dealing with a human being who was now a uncaring stranger.

so i am sooo glad you are doing it alone that you get to name your baby. dd has asked me quite a few times why she doesnt have my last name. and so i think she might change it when she grows up. hyphenated.

so i am sooo happy for you!!!!

[smeep]

Originally Posted by meemee

the emotional pain of being alone while there IS someone in the house is the worst kind of pain i have ever lived thru. my dd was a HARD baby, but nothing compared to dealing with a human being who was now a uncaring stranger.

That's why I'm not there anymore. While he technically totally kicked me out (well, I went to my parents house for the weekend and he told me that he locked the house and I couldn't come back), I had no desire to stay there at all and was planning on moving out ASAP. The whole reason why I went to my parents house that weekend was because it was getting so hard to be there, whether or not he was physically around. To the point that if there had been alcohol around I probably would have gotten drunk (I've had a drinking problems on and off in the past, but was able to stop the second I had a subconscious inkling that I was pregnant)...it was seriously THAT bad, it was an extremely unhealthy situation for myself and the baby. For over a month prior to that I had been going through what you described. It's worse being alone with someone there who doesn't care than being alone without that constant reminder that they just don't give a rats behind about you.

[smeep]

Originally Posted by lilyka

what are you thinking for spectacular names that no one has the right to veto?

I'm not sure yet. I've been looking at aboriginal names because I'm a bit of a geek for Australia (don't ask I seriously wonder if I lived there in a past life) and a lot of them are just gorgeous anyway, but I have about 20 or so on that list. I'm also considering family names for a middle name...one of DS's middle names is after my dad and if this one is a boy I think I'll do a combination of my two brothers names (they died in a fire before I was born) and if it's a girl I think I'll use the name of my grandmother on my dad's side because I was so close to her. DS has three middle names (it was originally two but then I found out his first name was religious so I tossed in Yule, since he was born a week before Yule, to kind of neutralise that )...so I could always comfortably put two middle names, though I don't think I'm going to do three middle names again.

Ex's only suggested was Fortunella. To each their own, but that's a big veto for me, though I didn't outright veto it at the time or state any opinion on it because I was just proud of him for finally having an idea. Haha.