Talking About Other People

[Xerxella]

So, my DS is about 3.5 and he talks all the time. Alot of his questions/comments are naturally about things he sees. But, it somehow feels wrong when he says in earshot of the people, "Mommy, why's that guy running?" (it's a jogger) or "Ma, those people have THREE dogs" or "Mommy, why are those people carrying that bag?" or "Mom, that lady has a baby just like Genna."

There just discussion points. He's not pointing out anything scially inappropriate or awkward or anything. He's just talking and learning and asking everyday questions. I tend to just answer/acknowledge the question quickly and move on.

It doesn't feel right talking about people, but it doesn't feel right to tell him, "we don't talk about people," because I want to answer his questions and we do talk about people all the time. (ie "Hey, the train conductor's waving at you" "Wow, look at those construction workers moving that dirt" "Did you like petting the neighbors dog?") And, it feels wrong to tell him the social truth which is we don't talk about people when they can hear you.

So, I guess my social ignorance is showing, but what does anyone else do?

[number572]

eh, always reminded of my Granddad's words, not his originally, but if anyone does have an origin, please list it!!.. lol:


"Small minded people talk about other people,
Average minded people talk about events,
Large minded people talk about ideas"

That concept always made me more interested in talking about more than my peer groups as a teen did, still does! Although, at first you can come off as elitist... Be aware!

[crowcaw]

That's interesting; I never would have thought any of those statements heard by the people the questions were about were a problem. My daughters ask similar things all the time and I just answer them and if the subject of the question heard I smile or otherwise acknowledge the person. I never thought about it. I do try and teach them we don't make judgemental statements about people whether they can hear you or not.

[stormborn]

I never saw that as something to discourage. I've actually gained some casual friends through my 2yo's constant chatter. Sometimes the subject of her comments will stop to show her the dog/baby/whatever and we have a conversations we wouldn't have made time for (or I'm too shy for) otherwise.

[karika]

I have no issue with any of the questions/ comments you quoted form your son. I would use them all as opportunities for learning.

Why is the man jogging?
It is a form of exercise. If you run at a jog for a while, your heart will beat faster and since it is a muscle, it makes it stronger to work it that way. The muscles in the legs, buttocks and abdomen also get a work out. Hey, why don't you jog around this area for a few minutes and we will measure your heart rate before and after. And I will time you... then after talk about which muscles were used for running, etc.....

Ma, those people have three dogs (any of below)
They are certainly a lucky family
Those are lucky dogs
That must be a handful
three dogs? wow, could you take care of three dogs? I bet the dogs are all friends....

Ma, why are those people carrying that bag?

We use bags to transport items from one place to another. Can you say (spell) transport? It makes it easy if the items are a funny shape, or there are more than we have hands for.

ma that lady has a baby just like genna

well look at that, yes she does. Babies are adorable, aren't they. That baby has blond hair just like Genna and you.


Now the ones I do have problems knowing how to handle are like this, in store where we hear a crying baby. of course baby is in bucket and parent is wandering around acting as if it is normal and okay fo r a baby to just be cryinng.... my child says, why is that baby crying... I have to be honest, so I say, because it wants to be held. Or if a paci keeps being stuffed in, because it wants to suckle at the breast...

Now my 7 yo asks different types... like we are outside and the neighbors are too. They are of oriental descent, but I do not know which one. dd1 says, "I think they're Korean". I just say, It is not polite to talk about others...... Hard to know how to field everything.... I try to just be factual and use it as a learning opportunity. When it is disrespectfull, like the child that shrieks, "Mommy why is that person so ugly?!?" It becomes a lesson in social expectations and norms of the society, as well as what would be natural if the society was not as screwed up as it is.....

nak

[peaceful_mama]

"Mom, they have a baby just like Genna"

"Yes, they do, don't they?"

etc. etc. etc.

It would only be awkward to me if it was something like "WOW, she's OLD" or "Why is that guy so FAT?" or something

even questions or comments about physical disabilities don't really strike me as strange to answer...maybe that is the integrated preschool teaching experience showing. We have a neighbor child who uses a wheelchair, and I've told the kids about him whenever they ask--even telling the 22 mo. old it is a "Wheelchair" not a "Stroller" whatever. Doesn't bother me, in fact, I think answering those kind of questions like they are normal--which they ARE--is the first step to acceptance, because you're not treating it like it's anything different than when they say "He has THREE dogs!" or whatever.

[_betsy_]

Those questions are so totally normal they wouldn't be/aren't even on my radar.

DD1 (just turned 4) asks me questions all day long, but the ones that stump me are the ones there's no way I could answer, like "Where are (the people in the other car at the red light) going?" and "What's the dog (whom we've never seen before, have never "met" and are driving past or otherwise can't ask)'s name?" She gets so frustrated when I say "I don't know" or "Where do you think they are going?" or "That car is turning left and we are going right (she wants me to tell her with certainty if they are going home, to school or work, to a store, etc.)" or "Maybe the dog's name is Spot, since he's white with brown patches!" She expects me to KNOW these things! I think at 4, Mom must seem omniscient!

[Purplegal]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Those questions are so totally normal they wouldn't be/aren't even on my radar.

DD1 (just turned 4) asks me questions all day long, but the ones that stump me are the ones there's no way I could answer, like "Where are (the people in the other car at the red light) going?" and "What's the dog (whom we've never seen before, have never "met" and are driving past or otherwise can't ask)'s name?" She gets so frustrated when I say "I don't know" or "Where do you think they are going?" or "That car is turning left and we are going right (she wants me to tell her with certainty if they are going home, to school or work, to a store, etc.)" or "Maybe the dog's name is Spot, since he's white with brown patches!" She expects me to KNOW these things! I think at 4, Mom must seem omniscient!

Oh my 4 year old DD is the SAME way!! We drive each other crazy because she gets SO upset if I do not know the answer, and its hard for me not to show my irritation after awhile....

[Daffodil]

Originally Posted by Xerxella

And, it feels wrong to tell him the social truth which is we don't talk about people when they can hear you.

What's so bad about letting him know that? Does it feel kind of like telling him we don't take things from stores when people are looking? I don't think it's like that. I think it's normal and okay to talk about people when they're not there, and not talking about them when they can hear is not a way of pretending we would never talk about them - it's just to prevent them from feeling self-conscious. It seems fine to me to explain to your DS that when people hear other people talking about them, even if they're not saying anything bad, it can make them feel self-conscious. But if he seems too young to get that idea right now, I'd wait until he's older. I doubt anyone will mind hearing you talk about their three dogs, or how their baby looks like another baby you know. I've always felt fine having conversations like that with my little kids within earshot of the people we were talking about.

[Xerxella]

Thanks everybody. I guess I just have to accept it as one of those things kids do. I wish he'd ask the questions when the people are out of earshot, it just feels uncomfortable for me to talk about people like that. I try to smile and kinda shrug at the people. It's good to know he's not the only one. No other kid I know seems to ask SO many questions about everything he sees. I like it, I want to encourage it, so I have to accept that it's not always on my timing.