He refuses to walk!

[odoole]

Maybe this should go in the Life with a Babe section because DS still isn't technically a "toddler." He's almost 14 months now (though 12.5 mo by due date) and not walking, which is fine, except that it's 100% his decision not to walk.

He's been taking assisted steps for months and months now. He's been walking while holding on to one hand for about 2.5 months now. About a month ago, he started standing and taking some steps on his own. But as soon as he started doing that, he got completely terrified or something and now refuses to even walk while holding on to one hand. In fact if he hears the word "walk" or "stand" he'll automatically sit down. It's almost comical! If he finds himself "accidentally" walking while holding one hand, he'll glom onto my leg and beg to be picked up.

I don't know what's going on and how to encourage him to walk. He loves being carried but he's getting too heavy and too old not to be walking by himself. He's extremely risk averse and rarely falls or hurts himself, so I know this is largely his personality. It's just annoying because he was so close to walking a month ago and now he's even farther away from it than he was at 11 months!

Any advice?

[lifeguard]

Relax & give him time. He will walk on his own when he's ready.

[The4OfUs]

I carried both my kids regularly after they were able to walk. DS started cruising around 10 months but didn't walk on his own until he was 14 months, and didn't like to walk assisted either; he just didn't want to do it until he was sure he wouldn't fall. I mean, how heavy can he be? I was still wearing my 28-pound 16 month old daughter on my back for hours and hours a day despite the fact that she could walk (and I'm only 5 feet tall), she just preferred to be on my back and was so young it was not a battle I was willing to wage. She didn't cruise much, but walked by 11 months because she wanted to catch her big brother.

14 months is so young, you're not going to "teach" him much at this point. I fonud 18 months to start to be the 'age of reason' with my kids where they were able to understand so much more and have conversations with me and understand consequences for things like not being willing to lug them around all the time.

They are 6-1/2 and 4 now and have both been walking on their own for a long, long time. Don't sweat it, don't push him. He'll walk when he's ready....so long as you don't have a gut feeling something is developmentally off, just relax and let him do it on his own time. And get used to them starting things and then going back a little - it's TOTALLY normal. AND get used to them not doing things when you want them to do them, and suddenly doing things that you thought they were lagging behind in. Kids like to make you crazy like that, keep you on your toes.

Also, 14 months is really not too old to not be walking independently....I think "they" say 18-24 months is still in the range of normal for starting to walk, right?

My God, could I wink a few more times in this post? How annoying. Sorry.

[pbjmama]

He loves being carried but he's getting too heavy and too old not to be walking by himself.

IMO he isn't too old not to be walking, especially since you know he can walk. You can't make him walk any more than you can make him eat, sleep, or use the potty. I know this is difficult but I would try to make yourself crazy about it. He may be picking up on your feelings and that may be aggravating the situation.

[shanniesue2]

I'm gonna agree with pps.

He's not too old to not be walking... likely it was too young for him when he took those first steps (otherwise, he'd be walking all over the place). I can't remember the exact age range for walking, but I want to say that it can be normal to start walking as late as 16 months.

Can I tell you about a revelation I had when I was freaking out about DS not walking (at 13 months--he had been cruising since 7 months)? He also was slow to grow teeth and someone was asking me about how many teeth he had. I told them that he had 4 at the time, but that I wasn't worried b/c there was nothing I could do to make the teeth come through any faster... I just had to relax and wait. That was when it clicked in my brain... the infant milestones are a physically developmental thing. And while we can play games and try to get them to happen sooner, there really isn't anything we can to do force them to happen if baby just isn't there, yet. And I immediately stopped worrying about the walking issue (or lack there of).. you know what? About a week later, he started walking.

So my advice is relax, enjoy your sweet babe just as he is right now. Because he's going to grow so fast that one day, you're gonna turn around and miss the time when you had to carry him all over the place because he couldn't walk.

[tzs]

my neice was the same way. she could totally walk but had to hold onto something. one time i caught her holding onto a book walking but thinking she was actually holding onto something. cute! whenever she would realize she wasn;t holding on she would stop in her tracks. she walked on her own a couple months later.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by pbjmama

He loves being carried but he's getting too heavy and too old not to be walking by himself.

IMO he isn't too old not to be walking, especially since you know he can walk. You can't make him walk any more than you can make him eat, sleep, or use the potty. I know this is difficult but I would try to make yourself crazy about it. He may be picking up on your feelings and that may be aggravating the situation.

My DD didn't start walking until she was about 13 months adjusted for prematurity. My son was in physical therapy since 11 months and still didn't walk until he was almost 2.

12.5 months is still fairly early. Please try to just let him develop at his own rate - there is no way to force a child to meet a milestone like this.

[odoole]

I know, I know. It's hard not to come off sounding neurotic on these types of posts, especially when you're in a big hurry and don't have time to refine what you say.

Anyway, I know technically he's not "late" at walking, and that there's nothing I can do to make him walk. I'm really not stressing about it. I don't think there's anything wrong developmentally with him. I'm just getting frustrated with his stubbornness! It's precisely because he IS capable of walking and chooses not to that I worry that he'll take a long time before he finally decides to do it. And though I haven't weighed him in a while, he's got to be close to 30 pounds and my arms are getting tired!

Then again, when he was 10 months I posted something similar about him not crawling (though in that case it really was more about coordination than about desire), and he started to do it shortly after. so I'm hoping this post will have the same effect :-)

[Peony]

DS was the same way, in fact he just started walking by himself less then 2 weeks ago. He is 17 months old and could of walked months ago but didn't want to. Now he did and was practically running the next day.

[4Blessings]

Originally Posted by odoole

And though I haven't weighed him in a while, he's got to be close to 30 pounds and my arms are getting tired!

Then get yourself a good carrier and enjoy being close to your child. Before you know it he'll really, truly be too big to carry and you'll want these days back. Trust me, my oldest just turned nine and it happens in the blink of any eye

[IsaFrench]

DS only started walking at 18 1/2 months ... on the other hand he was a rather small built and I liked the carrier I had at the time & used up several strollers as a mom (with no car)
.... the most irritating was the neighborood knitting brigade, always sitting out near the main passageway out of the residence, ready for a comment as we would pass by, mostly ok people, but they liked to compare which child did what at which age....

[PGTlatte]

I would not worry.

Our DS1 did all the gross-motor milestones late - rolling over, sitting up, and walking. He didn't even begin walking until he was 17 months old.

Now he is 7.5 and very good at baseball, soccer, golf, swimming, and climbing things. No gross motor problems at all.

Once he did start walking, he passed through "toddling" very quickly and went straight to running, jumping and climbing. In fact I really don't remember him being unsteady on his feet for more than the first week. I think he just waited until he was really ready.

[Limabean1975]

Both of mine did not walk till 16 months, and there was alot of back and forth with it. (DD is just now a champ walker, but she actually took 3-4 steps a month ago, then nothing at all for a week, then 6-7 steps all over the place one weekend, then none for several days....you get the picture). I know it's hard not to try to get them going - it's such a fun, cool milestone! Also, I have big heavy kids too, so I know that pain! But do try to ease off - he's probably sensing pressure from you and that may be increasing anxiety for him.

[confustication]

My newly 1 yo is the only one of three I expect to see walking anywhere near the 1 year milestone, and he's not there yet.

My oldest was nearly 18 months, and my second was 16 months. Even now, my 2 yo would really prefer to be carried much of the time. Invest in a good carrier and enjoy this. It really will be gone too soon.

[meemee]

take this as a precursor to a stubborn mind. be prepared to see this as they grow older. with other stuff including perhaps reading or riding a tricycle...

i did and still do nothing. my dd didnt walk till 16 months. but when she did she didnt do the drunken sailor walk. she was up and running. she has thru the years shown she will only do something when she is ready to do it. which means when she has confidence to do it. she hates losing AND she is a perfectionist.

the key to learn now as a parent is that in due time he will do it. on HIS time. not yours.

[shanniesue2]

see, I still wouldn't define it as stubbornness and refusal.

DS "walked" a couple months before he really started walking. So I knew that he could walk. I just don't think he was developmentally ready to be a walker, yet... even if he had the physical capability. I think it would have stressed me out even more if I thought about it as him refusing to walk. Because then that turns it into a behavior problem, which is easier to get frustrated over than a developmental thing.

So if I were you, I would just start saying "he's not ready for walking, yet" and not look at it as a stubbornness thing. Now, in a year... if you guys are at the park and he's walking around and you're trying to get him to follow you and he plops down and pulls the "I'm-not-going-to-walk-I'm-going-to-flop-on-the-floor-until-you-pick-me-up" game... well, that's refusal and stubbornness

[meemee]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

see, I still wouldn't define it as stubbornness and refusal.

oh it isnt that kind of stubborness.

it is the stubborness of doing things on one's own time. not refusing. that yes comes later.

but this stubborness of doing things on one's time will not just be related to walking. it will spill over to other things thru the 'ages'

[PGTlatte]

meemee, I know what you mean. This describes our DS1 very well.

Trying to get him to do something before he has decided he is interested, ready and confident enough to try it results in him digging in his heels and really resisting and not making any good effort. And once he has decided he is ready to tackle something, he is relentless and obsessed with doing it until he gets it right according to his own very high standards.

These personality traits showed up with walking, riding a bike, reading, and now, writing. We are homeschooling and these traits add a definite twist to it !

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

Relax & give him time. He will walk on his own when he's ready.

Yep.

My daughter was almost exactly like you describe (she was early, too). She COULD, but it was like she was afraid to, and if she caught herself doing it without thinking, she would freak out and sit down. Then at 14 months, one day she just stood up and started walking.

One benefit? Less walking/running accidents. Since she was already so old when she started walking, she was well-coordinated enough to be a really great walker right from the start. She has hardly fallen at all.

[Llyra]

Not stubborn. Strong-minded. Independent. Not easily led, not easily persuaded. The kind of kid who won't bow to peer pressure, when he's a teenager.

I try and frame it that way. I have two with that sort of disposition. I'm bull-headed myself, , and they drive me crazy sometimes.

OP-- don't worry about it. He'll do it when he's ready, and not a day before, most likely.