He refuses to walk! - Page 2

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Not stubborn. Strong-minded. Independent. Not easily led, not easily persuaded. The kind of kid who won't bow to peer pressure, when he's a teenager.

I try and frame it that way. I have two with that sort of disposition. I'm bull-headed myself, , and they drive me crazy sometimes.

OP-- don't worry about it. He'll do it when he's ready, and not a day before, most likely.

This... I guess I just think calling it stubbornness puts a negative spin on it... when I don't see this kind of personality as negative (it's how my DS is). More of a "know thyself" sort of person. He knows what he can handle and what he can't. And he doesn't put himself in situations he's not ready for. That's not stubbornness... that's just good sense.

[odoole]

Hey all,

Thanks for your responses. I like your take on it. If he's going to be cautious and independent and strong-willed and intelligent about his risk-taking, I'm totally cool with that.

I get a little sensitive since he was a late-preemie, and while he has been mostly on track with everything, I guess I get a little unnerved when he's a little behind in doing certain things.

Anyway, I agree. I enjoy everything about him, even his strong desire to be held by me all the time.

[sapphire_chan]

As a mom of an early walker, go ahead and get a carrier that works with his weight and your back. Mei tai are good for smaller budgets and people who are good with carriers, Ergos are popular for those who need a buckle and go option.

Because being willing/able to walk alone doesn't mean they will. Particularly when you need them to. (Seriously, you can't walk the 3 steps into the house after I set you on the porch so I can wrangle the jogging stroller inside? Argh...)

[JordanKX]

I'm so happy for this thread. I don't think DS is making a decision not to walk. He's not yet 13months, but close... and it seems Forever that he's deciding to walk. He doesn't know how to stand once he falls.. this seems to be the difference. He'll take off and go 8 steps, he'll walk across a whole room, drunken sailor like. But once he falls, he's down.
He is not scared of taking off, he just doesn't know how to fix it.

I'm happy to read so many posts that it's totally normal, especially for boys, to be a bit delayed.

[treegardner]

DS didn't walk until he was 15 months old and now at 2 years old still likes to be held a lot of the time. He will walk when he is ready, try not to sweat it.

[MelW]

I don't know if this applies to you, but with my oldest separation anxiety (increased by moving to a new country) made her decide to stop walking for a month. She learned how to walk independently, did it for a week, then crawled/cruised/hand-held walked. A full month later she went back to walking on her own. She was much more confident the second time, and could immediately walk more steps than we could count.

[junipervt]

starting at about 13m we could 'trick' DD into walking on her own, but she would quickly sit down when she realized what she was doing. It wasn't until an evening when she was about 16.5m that she all of a sudden decided that it was time for her to walk on her own. within a week she was fast!

[Blessed_Mom]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

Relax & give him time. He will walk on his own when he's ready.

He has until 18 months before you can even begin to get worried.

[accountclosed2]

DD was cruising around the sofa table and the sofa at 5 months, upright and on her own, didn't fall. By 6 months she was walking around with one hand on the table or sofa for support. By then she wasn't even sitting up yet, didn't sit up(or down, really) until after she started crawling at 8 months.

She was over 13 months by the time she started walking, after 8 months of walking with support.

She isn't frightened of trying things really, not at all a scaredy-cat, she just wants to know that she can do it. And then she's full of confidence. By that I mean that she sort of evaluates a situation before getting into it, and is not sure she can do it, she'll ask for or find minimal support.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Not stubborn. Strong-minded. Independent. Not easily led, not easily persuaded. The kind of kid who won't bow to peer pressure, when he's a teenager.

oooooh llyra i like how you put that. yup you are absolutely right.

at 8 i see what a confident child this strong mind makes.

[flightgoddess]

My lil guy didn't walk 'all by himself" until he was almost 18 mo old, and he was not a premie. So let him take steps when he is ready. It will happen sooner or later

[boringscreenname]

Originally Posted by Peony

DS was the same way, in fact he just started walking by himself less then 2 weeks ago. He is 17 months old and could of walked months ago but didn't want to. Now he did and was practically running the next day.

My DS was the same way except he didn't start walking until he was 19 or 20 months old. Nothing wrong with him, just stubborn. Now he's 2, and runs all over the place getting into everything.

[cdahlgrd]

Originally Posted by odoole

I'm just getting frustrated with his stubbornness! It's precisely because he IS capable of walking and chooses not to that I worry that he'll take a long time before he finally decides to do it.

This worries me. If you are going head to head with him NOW, what kind frustration level are you going to hit when he is 3 and life is ALL ABOUT BEING STUBBORN.

Being a mother is about learning to relax your will and learning to let go and go with the flow. I know that sounds dumb but truly, when these thoughts are going through your head, stop and take a breath and let those thoughts GO.

He isn't being stubborn. He is scared. He is scared of suddenly being separate from his only source of security. . . YOU. He is scared of falling. He is scared of entering the big world and a person alone and unattatched. He is scared of you pushing him away and leaving him (and the more you push, the scarier it gets!).

Can you take a parenting class or get involved in a coop preschool that has a parent ed curriculum (often through your community center or community college)? I have found TONS of help and education and support through these avenues. And we ALL need help and education and support!!

[Friday13th]

DS1 was the same way, he could walk but he was SUPER cautious and did not walk until he could do it well. Around 13 months. I remember hanging out with a 10 month old who was learning to walk at the same time as DS: DS would take a few steps and as soon as he started to wobble he'd sit right down and crawl. His buddy would run, head first until he fell flat on his face. DS is still the most cautious toddler, he rarely gets hurt and he doesn't do things (climb, etc) unless he's sure he can do it well and not fall. His buddy is still a total daredevil.

[mokey4]

DD was the same way... she was the first in my mom's group to crawl (at 6 months), and the very last one to walk- at 16 1/2 months! She started walking while holding hands at around 14 months, and used the "mommy taxi" for a long long time. She would raise her hand up in the air and grunt in a tone that meant "come here and hold my hand and walk me where I need to go." This was a really annoying phase for me because it got in the way of me getting chores done around the house. After a while I learned to put her off for a bit, and she would get really mad! But usually she'd deal.

DD took her first unassisted steps at 15 months, and she was taking many multiple steps when with other caregivers (I work part time) but never at home. Finally by around 16 1/2 months she started to actually take lots of steps on her own at home and didn't want me to hold her hand all the time. The end of a very trying era for us!

Now she's 19 months and runs everywhere... she also falls down a lot and doesn't seem to care. I really don't know what her deal was, I guess she just wasn't ready!

[CookAMH]

I know it's frustrating. I recommend letting it go and not pressuring him to walk either assisted or unassisted. Offer his hand, entice him with something, encourage, but if he won't, just drop it. He will get there. My DS didn't start walking until 15 1/2 - 16 mo but could have, physically, much earlier. He had more fun crawling and didn't yet realize it was faster and more fun to walk. I knew he COULD if he just tried, but I also didn't stress about it, I knew he'd get there on his own time. He stuck with what he knew he could do well, that that is OK, it's not stubbornness or refusal. He just needed to be ready and it was totally fine in the mean time!

Try to relax, and just play and be a safe refuge for him.

ETA: keep in mind that he is a boy - girls tend to do all these things earlier. And try your best to avoid comparing to other kids his age. From my recollection, up to 18 mo is considered normal to start walking.

and your comment about cautious and independent...my DS is a lot like that too. He's pretty cautious, careful, thinks a lot and never just jumps into things, and he's also independent. I think he will be that way for a long time, so I try to remember that is part of who he is.

And to anyone reading - it's NOT delayed! Not at all. Totally in the range of normal. He's not late, he's not behind, not one bit. I have said that my DS walking (and crawling) was on the later end of normal but still VERY normal and not concerning one bit. Try not to think of your sons as being behind at all!

[odoole]

Thanks again to all who responded. Oddly enough, just like the time I posted about DS not crawling, he started walking on his own about 2 weeks after I posted. I truly thought it would take much longer, but he's totally digging it. He figured out walking, and about 2 days later, figured out how to get into the standing position. Just the look of achievement on his face that week when he realized that he had these new skills ... priceless!

But yes, as many of you mentioned, he still loves being held, so I don't think we'll be packing away the ERGO any time soon.