Need to be away at night: nightwean?

[odoole]

I unfortunately need to be away for three nights these next two months, and I'm not sure what to do to prepare my DS, who is 14 months and still nurses very heavily at night. Occasionally he'll take a bottle as a replacement, but only 50% of the time. The other 50% of the time, he completely FLIPS out if I'm not there when he wakes up. I mean hysterical crying and sobbing and what have you.

I don't feel ready to nightwean him, but on the other hand, would that be a more gentle option in the long run? If he were to sleep through the nights I'm away, it seems like it would be a lot less traumatic for him.

I do have the option of taking him to work with me and having him sleep on a couch type thing. The problem is, depending on what's going on at work, I wouldn't necessarily be able to attend to him the second he wakes up, and I sort of feel like being in a change of scene combined with absent mommy may be worse than just absent mommy.

Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'd like to make this as gentle for him as possible. And unfortunately, "don't do it" is not an option. Anyone have experience being away from their LO without nightweaning?

[Altair]

I left my baby/toddler a few nights when he was still night nursing and it didn't cause him to nightwean, but I didn't want to nightwean then so I pushed nursing again when I came back. Do you want to nightwean? If you do, then it may be a good time to do so (are the 3 days in a row?) so that Dad can take the most active role-- we found nightweaning to go MUCH better with much less crying if Daddy did it and I was out of the room.

If the 3 days aren't in a row and you don't want to nightwean, then I don't think there's any reason to. He may surprise you, my son sleeps much deeper if I'm not there!

[odoole]

Originally Posted by Altair

I left my baby/toddler a few nights when he was still night nursing and it didn't cause him to nightwean, but I didn't want to nightwean then so I pushed nursing again when I came back. Do you want to nightwean? If you do, then it may be a good time to do so (are the 3 days in a row?) so that Dad can take the most active role-- we found nightweaning to go MUCH better with much less crying if Daddy did it and I was out of the room.

If the 3 days aren't in a row and you don't want to nightwean, then I don't think there's any reason to. He may surprise you, my son sleeps much deeper if I'm not there!

Thanks for the response. The three days are not in a row but stretched out over a 2 month span. I'm not worried that he'll nightwean himself, and if he did, I guess I'd accept it and enjoy getting more sleep at night. I'm mostly worried about how he'll react to me suddenly not being there at night. How did your LO react? Did you do anything to prepare him for it, like a "trial run" type of thing?

[Super~Single~Mama]

I don't think you need to nightwean, although if you want to thats fine. My ds started overnights with my ex when he was 11mo, and just takes a bottle from his dad at night (well, he's nightweaned now at 20mo), and its no big deal. The first night may be rough, but then he'll know that its ok for daddy to take care of him at night too.

You can try to give him bottles at night a few times between now and then, but if you're there he'll know that he can nurse - when you're gone for the night he'll know he can't nurse.

I WOULD make sure that on the nights you're going to be gone, that daddy does bedtime, and you say good-bye to your ds before he goes to sleep (even if you're going to be around for bedtime). I think he'll be more likely to be fine with daddy doing bedtime and bottles all night if he knows that you aren't there.

[odoole]

Originally Posted by thyra

I WOULD make sure that on the nights you're going to be gone, that daddy does bedtime, and you say good-bye to your ds before he goes to sleep (even if you're going to be around for bedtime). I think he'll be more likely to be fine with daddy doing bedtime and bottles all night if he knows that you aren't there.

This is good advice. I unfortunately learned this lesson the hard way last week when I happened to be home during the day and decided to put DS down for a nap with the idea of sneaking out after he fell asleep. He woke up about 15 minutes after I put him down, after I had already left, and had a total meltdown. He totally lost it with sobbing and hysterics, and that is something he NEVER does. DH has been the stay at home parent for the past 3 months and though I was really anxious when I went back to work at 11 months, they had been doing beautifully with naptime without me.

I guess I just underestimated his maturity and intelligence now and thought that if I slipped out he would wake up from his nap as he usually does when I'm at work as if nothing ever happened.