leaving ds for the first time

[texaspeach]

I'm so nervous dh and I are closing on a house this week and it isn't possible for us to take ds (almost 13 mo) with us. I wouldn't be able to sign a million papers with him grabbing everything in sight. I have only ever left him with dh, and only for two hours max. no one besides me or dh has ever changed his diaper. my smil is going to come to our house to watch ds. he loves her and she really takes his food allergies seriously. I trust her not to just let him cry, and to use the epi-pen at an appropriate time in an emergency. he's never taken a bottle and he doesn't eat much solid food or really use a cup either. we think this should take about two hours but it may run into naptime which presents a problem because ds won't nap alone.

it's going to be fine, right? I have this fear that he's going to freak out and think we've abandoned him I'm so worried that I'm having nightmares!

[sophiesgrandma]

Speaking from a grandma's pov, I think he'll be fine. I stayed with my dgd for a couple of hours at that age and we did fine. She also only bfed but I knew what foods she could eat and to nap I put her in the babywearing thing and just walked her around and she fell asleep on me. We had lots of fun together. She was very used to me and except for bfing I tried to do everything her mama would do.

[thedenverduo]

He will be fine! It was so hard for me to leave ds for the first time, but it went great!

Does he get really cranky around naptime? If not, would it be possible to just put him down for a nap when you get home, even if it's a little late? My ds has a much harder time without me if it is nap/bed time.

[pbjmama]

Yes, it will be fine. Even if he cries when you leave/when you get home it will be fine. A trusted caregiver is going to be there with him, try not to worry too much!

[NEastMomma]

Oh, you poor thing. Yes, it is so hard to leave the baby, even when baby will be with a trusted care giver.

BUT... everything is going to be just fine, I promise you! Baby is at a great age to really enjoy playing with SMIL and she with him. 2-3 hours is not a long time so even if he refuses food, he won't "go hungry."

I try and remember what Dr. Sears said is his Baby Book - that it is a nice thing for baby to form a bond with pple beyond just mom and dad - for him to know that it is a loving world where pple will take care of him, love him, etc.

Hope that helps. He will be just fine. And congrats on the house!

[lkmiscnet]

I have a 16 mo old and I have never left him with anyone other than DH too when I have appts (a 3 hr stretch). Our DS is super sensitive and has been a high needs, fussy baby since his premature birth. He is slow to warm to people, so I have no intention of throwing him into the fire, so to speak, knowing that he will be scared and cry hysterically. I don't have family in town and I don't know any other stay at home moms, but I am working on that in the hopes that we can co-op baby sitting in the future.

I know that our only solution is to have him get to know someone and let him be fully comfortable with them before leaving him with them.

Follow your intuition. You said he loves your SMIL, so it seems like he would be fine.

I'm not sure why your closing would take 2 hours. I am a realtor, and they typically take only an hour, unless something unforeseen occurs, or the deal is complicated.

That said, if you are really freaked out about leaving him, take him with you.

Can you keep him in a stroller with a toy so he is not grabbing at the paperwork?

In either scenario of leaving him with SMIL or taking him, you can shorten your time at the closing. I don't know if this is your first home purchase, but typically, the time alloted to a normal residential closing is one half of the closing is the buyer signing everything and the other half is the seller signing their docs. You could have your agent arrange with the closer to arrive after the seller has signed their paperwork (typically 30 min) so you don't have to be there as long.

Or you could arrange to sign everything in advance that same day or an earlier day without having a room full of people. It would be no different than a client that can't be at the closing (i.e. travelling or they live out of state) and everything is mailed to them for them to sign and mail back, which is also an option if time allows.

Hope that helps. Best of luck and congrats on the new house!

[marispel]

2 hrs? Yes, he will be fine. DH and I just took 6 day vacation in Jamaica and DS stayed with MIL & FIL. He did great! I made this little manual for MIL and she did her best to follow it....or as she said "take it under advisement" - she did raise 3 children. I missed him like crazy and I was worried that he would feel abandoned, but he didn't. He enjoyed his time with them and we enjoyed our time together.

[texmati]

it should be fine-- especially if you trust her with all the medical stuff. I"d make sure my phone was turned on, and have DS's favorite solids set out.

Congrat's on the new home!

[katmann]

DH and I were in the same boat for a while since we both work from home. For the first year we basically took turns with him while the other one worked, and he had almost no other babysitters. But we have one good friend and one relative who watch him now (at 20 months) and he loves them both. He might cry for a minute when we leave, but then it's all play.

You might get a new toy for him to play with that your smil can give him when you leave, just as a distraction.

[Tway]

The first time we left DD with my mom and dad she was about 2 months old. DH and I thought we needed a little "us" time and we went to eat at a restaurant nearby. What a disaster... for us! We couldn't eat, talked about DD the whole time, and left early (well, I did have dessert--who can resist chocolate mousse??). And we fast-walked home to find... DD asleep in my dad's arms.

Since then, we've grown more and more comfortable with leaving DD for short periods of time, almost always with my parents, or with DH's mom if she's visiting from overseas. DD loves it, since the babysitters give her 100% of their attention (as opposed to DH and I, who play a little, then cook, or do a load of laundry, or get on the phone, or study, etc.).

Even for naps or the few times she's put DD down for the night, my mom usually figures out what works for her. Or else DD is up later or a little overtired, and we take it from there when we get home.

All to say, it was WAY harder on DH and I to leave DD than it was for her to be left with family. For months, we'd come home assuming she'd be upset, only to find her having a blast. She even laughed for the first time even with my MIL. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised, too!

[texaspeach]

well it looks like we will be taking him with us. there was a death in smil's family and the funeral is at the same time I don't feel comfortable asking anyone else to watch ds because of his food allergies (we're still getting used to the ourselves)

thanks for the info lkmiscnet. I think he'll be ok in the stroller. I have some 'fresh' toys to bring out to hold his interest