Family friends, rough kids - WWYD?

[Rosehip]

There is a family with whom we are very close. We socialize as families (along with a group of about 3-4 other families) probably at least twice a month, and our babysitters are friends so the kids often play together.

The problem - Their kids (3 & 6 yo) are rough. My kids often end up the worse for wear - bruises, scrapes, etc. Some of it is just run of the mill rough play, and some of it is what I think is frankly aggression on the other kids' parts. The other parents are strongly in the camp of "let the kids work it out." I'm ok with that to a point. But my kids are just not fighters, and I sometimes hear from my kids that their kids are pushing, pinching, etc.

Typically when we get together, the parents are socializing and the kids are playing together, but separately from the parents. The age range in the larger group is ~3-9. Overall, my kids have a great time, and love joining in on these events. But I'm also getting increasingly uncomfortable with this behavior...Several months ago, I told my sitter to keep playdates much briefer - an hour and a half or so. The kids & sitters got into the habit of spending endless, unstructured days together, and the things would really get out of hand. This helped a lot. I have not said anything to the parents.

Any ideas? Do I bring this up? How? Is there any other way to address it?

[serenbat]

I would not be "friends" that is me.

You bring it up simply--"I don't like this, we are uncomfortable with this behavior, etc" -IF they don't like it, that should tell you that your parenting style is not in line, if they have a real issue with it, again, are they really "friends"?? and IMO, I would have a hard time being "friends" with people that I do not agree when my child (S) is the one suffering because of it.

doesn't seem like you want to keep overing looking this and wishing it away

[LuckyMommaToo]

We have a similar social group, and this problem comes around periodically. One thing that works is to bring an activity (rocket balloons, stomp rockets or even plain blow-up balloons) to give the kids more of a focus.

We've also (the moms) sort of gotten together and said, wow, it's getting a little rough out there -- let's try to redirect. Could you initiate that discussion without calling out a particular kid? (As a mom who has the oldest boy in a largely female group of kids, I'm sensitive to this. He often gets blamed for things that I was right there for, and weren't his fault.)

Finally, you or your DP may have to spend a little more time with the kids to figure out what's going on and be willing to step in. Have you rehearsed with your kids saying "XXX, that hurts and I don't like it!" We have spent years with our group getting the kids to communicate that way, and it does often work now that they're getting older.

Best of luck,
-e

p.s. Ultimately, though, if no parents are supervising, and your kids are uncomfortable standing up for themselves (or the other kids are really that aggressive), you may have to bow out for a couple months. I find when we skip getting together for a few weeks, it helps.