uHHH! Mommy guilt over non-reader

[luv-my-boys]

So DH and I were talking today and said to me that he thinks that I really need to focus more on one of my DS' reading , im the "teacher" as DH works ft. Apparently he (dh) was suprised that DS was the only child who wasnt able to read at all at one of his group activities. None of the children made fun of him or anything but DH said that the other kids/parents seemed suprised that DS didnt read (he is 2nd grade this yr) and after that DS seemed a little uncomfortable.

To tell you the truth I've had a little angst about this lately so hearing that really struck a chord with me. I know there a lot of mama's on here that would say "he'll get it one day" but really I think that he needs to read at this age especially because it is starting to hinder his other learning/groups/activities. For instance there was a cool science program but it was heavy reading in class so he didnt want to go (I couldnt be in class w/him).

Uhhhhhh...I just dont know what to do. He has never shown a really interest in learning to read. He HATES phonics, we started sight words, have numerous programs like 100 lessons, bob books, etc. I've been having him work with starfall daily to see if that interests him (he is a very video/audio learner) He academically advanced in other areas its just this. any suggestions? things we should try?

[EviesMom]

We've been having great luck with Headsprout, but it can be pricey. Although she was doing simple sight reading before we started Headsprout, she's sounding out more effectively now and reading more independently. If he's very reluctant to even try, you could also look into testing to make sure there's not a vision or learning disability behind it.

[Savoir Faire]

We have tried MANY, MANY things and finally...a friend recommended Phonics Pathways.

Borrowed it from the library. We do two EASY AND SHORT lessons a day. We're almost all the way through 2 letter sounds and on our way to 3.

You're going to hear many different opinions on here...but I would agree that as he gets older, it is going to hinder some things for him. I'm not *Surprised* or *shocked* but I would definitely give it the old college try.

Find something and stick with it every week day for a month. No "if he feels like it" or "if he wants to." Give it a month and then go from there.

[MyLittleWonders]

My ds#1 was the same - he didn't want anything to do with learning to read and so I kept backing off, which in the long run (at least for us) ended up being a mistake. We didn't start formal learning to read until half-way through 2nd grade. I agree with Rachel - try Phonics Pathways. It has done wonders for ds#1 (we used it with Hooked on Phonics, but if I had to choose just one, I'd choose P.P.). In a year and a half, he is almost at grade level (he is 4th grade age now). Once he started to get it, he stopped fighting it so much. I also set the timer (10-15 minutes at most), so he knew it wasn't an endless task and that there was an end in sight. But, it definitely needs to be consistent - like Rachel said above, we did it every day regardless of if he wanted to or not. And after a week or so, he realized it was what we did (not that he didn't have days of trying to complain his way out of it, but overall, it was better).

[NishaG]

have you tried www. readingeggs.com ? they are currently giving a free trial. it's a computer game that teaches kids how to read. He may have to be "tricked"!

[edytais]

I have to disagree with the previous responders. I think there is too much pressure sometimes on kids to read at certain age without the regard of when they are actually ready. US tends to be on the young side when it comes to starting the reading instruction, yet when you look at USA's ranking in the literacy....it's hmmm embarrassing. I used to fall into that trap... other kids at this age are reading and mine isn't etc etc. I would come home and do the lessons etc.. Luckily, my dh would remind me why we homeschool and how we got educated in Europe (didn't start school until we were 7yo!) and I did calculus in 9th grade (as did my whole class!) and I wasn't forced to read before that.
So, I tried not to get peer pressured into forcing some reading lessons at my dd7. Last week, I got some books at a library written by James Marshall "Fox Outfoxed" and a few other "foxy" stories. I just couldn't believe my ears. These stories really triggered my dd7 to want to read and she read the whole book out of her own will. She did a great job. She was so excited she decided to read it again to her little brother. She got exhausted after half of it second time around so she acted out the rest of the book to him.
She is now reading all of the books by James Marshall that I can get from the library and she really picked up on the reading in the last week. I am so glad I didn't force her to go through reading lessons (did a few times, but glad I gave up).
I need to add that her spelling is phonetic, she loves writing. I very gently teach her spelling. When I see a word she uses a lot, I tell her how to spell it better. It works well. I see more and more words being spelled correctly, and I think once she reads a lot more, she will learn to recognize some more words and will know how to spell them intuitively.
Back comparing reading skills to Europe: think Finland.... Kids are not forced to read in 2nd grade if they are not ready and that country has the best educational system and the most successful teachers.

Another thing to look at is also the eye, hand, ear, brain dominance. Left eye dominant children will have a harder time learning to read. You should also check for tracking ability if eye sight is ok and checked. Last year I found that my dd had tracking problems. She just couldn't track a big 8 (on a side....like infinity sign in math) made with her arm stretched out and thumb sticking out. Her thumb would go one way and her eyes would be on the opposite side. the only way she could follow words in a sentence was when I pointed to each word with a pencil, otherwise she would lose track of the line. We did exercises for about 3 months. Her tracking is great now, and she stopped reversing letters and numbers. I noticed the tracking problem when she started piano and couldn't read notes. She said after 2nd measure, it's all a blur.

What really helped with tracking was this place:
http://www.diannecraft.org/
and a book I bought called "Brain Integration Therapy Manual".

[crunchy_mama]

I would rule out any eye issues as well w/ a dev. optometrist. Some things you cannot tell as a parent. I have seen some of Dianne Crafts info as well and it looks great.

In the last 6 mo I realized my son was having some difficulty so we went to the eye dr- he was fine there. However, some of the things he was doing were dyslexic type tendency so I started searching out programs that those w/ dyslexia seem to benefit from using.

I gave up trying to teach the alphabet- it is little relation to actual reading. Memorizing things for rote and just for the sake of doing it is extremely difficult for him. He didn't learn to count to 10 until 5.5.

Anyway, I seen the "I See Sam" readers recommended as it is ALL phonics. It is very, very gentle introduction of sounds and they start out reading- little books about animals from the beginning. He has been able to excel at this, it is very very incremental but it is good as it doesn't overwhelm him. It is also good as it isn't just learning sounds or letters by themselves but in conjunction w/ words which helps him to actually be able to remember them.

So, he was reading right from the start. I don't know when he will be fully reading by himself, but we are continuing to make progress so I know we will eventually get there!!!

[elizawill]

i personally don't hold off on phonics & will begin introducing it when my children are considered kindergarten age (for my dd, she was almost 6 & my ds was 5 1/2). i do not have the same expectations as public schools at all though, rather i measure where they are at at the beginning of the year, evaluate at mid year, and assess at the end of the year as to whether or not they seem to be growing at all. however, not doing phonics wasn't an option (that's why i don't unschool though). my little boy may be considered behind in comparison to some peers currently, but he is definitely growing, and progress is all i really care about. i know he is learning this on his timeline. he's only 6 1/2 now, and i'm confident if we keep doing a little bit each day, it will click for him as well.

if your son is in second grade, i personally would incorporate learning to read into your days. it doesn't have to be workbooks, as there are so many fun options out there (videos, bingo, reading games, computer games, file folders, etc). involve him & let him choose - offer a few things he can learn from that will reinforce each other, so each day can be a little different if that's his desire.

i wouldn't focus on obtaining a specifc level by the end of the year, just focus on progress. i would also look into his vision, as my little girl needed glasses & it was an obstacle for her in learning to read.

anyway. you've gotten great ideas. hugs.

[Quaniliaz]

I really like book Teach a Child to Read with Children's Books. It gave me some good ideas on how to work with new books, and it has a great book list.

[craft_media_hero]

Ugh. I'm with you.



dd is second grade, too, and really has plateaued on c-v-c words for a reaaaally long time, even though she's known the "rules". She dislikes working at phonics. Sight word methods just contribute to her tendency to guess because she doesn't want to really do it.

It's rough.

Last year I had the "wait and see" attitude and thought that she'd just absorb it with a little help, but it just doesn't come naturally to her the way other subjects do (like math and other language skills).

So we have been hitting the literacy stuff really heavy. It's not a lot of fun. DD resists.

As much crap as I talked about Phonics Pathways last year (yes, it's boring. no, there's no content. yes, it's repetitive. no, it's not fun), working on it daily has really improved dd's skills.

We also struck upon these Spectrum Reading workbooks with Little Critter and company for the story. DD really likes that, and it has interesting content and goes along w/ US standards, yada yada. We started at the 1st G one and are hoping to get through the 2nd G one this year, but it goes K-2. I just really de-emphasized the grade level aspect of it because dd is sensitive to stuff like that---you could even tear off the cover or re-cover it. Anyways, we don't really do the "workbook" part unless dd wants to and then mostly orally, but the stories are really good and it builds incrementally.

Oh, and I second Teach a Child . .. w/ Children's Books ^ that is a great resource.

**eta, the Spectrum Critter Readers are at Borders and were only $10.

***etaa, oh! The All About Spelling reading books (All About Reading) from the website are GREAT!! They are actually interesting stories, and the books are nice (hard back, look like "real" books). I know for older readers at the beginning level (at least my dd), the Bob books and the like are often not engaging because their intellect is much higher than the reading ability. But these stories are pretty engaging for an older kid and are very gentle in slowly building up the challenge level. IMO

[yllek]

it doesn't have to be workbooks, as there are so many fun options out there (videos, bingo, reading games, computer games, file folders, etc). involve him & let him choose - offer a few things he can learn from that will reinforce each other, so each day can be a little different if that's his desire.

When I was using Phonics Pathways with my son and we just could. not. stand. to read another page out of the book (formatting issues), I would choose some lessons from the pdf files at the Florida Center for Reading Research (www.fcrr.org - see center activities). Ds absolutely loved those activities and manipulatives. There are mini-board games, sliders, flip books, dice games -- all print and go. Seriously, these pdf files kept phonics a fun activity in this house.

Another suggestion is to take a look a Words Their Way. It is not a parent-friendly text. It's written for classroom teachers, but the method was another really engaging way to do phonics for ds. This is an oversimplification but basically, there is a list of pre-selected words. The student sorts the words in different groups that illustrate a phonics concept. In the process of sorting, the kid is supposed to notice the phonics pattern and be able to discuss what is going on. Sounds so simple, but this was like a game to ds, or a puzzle. If the list of words included fat, dam, came, date, mat, etc., and he had to figure out why the a was changing its sound, it made the phonics rule stick like nothing else. There are also other board games and activities in Words Their Way that ds really liked.

Both these resources are more about different ways to present phonics instruction rather than a series of lesson plans for phonics. I think they are really adaptable to any phonics text (like I said, I used Phonics Pathways). I think that if I had to just memorize rules and try to read a list of words over and over again, I would probably hate phonics too.

And good decodable readers. There's nothing like just reading. My ds loves the I See Same series. We only found these later, so we started with Set 5 and currently on Set 6. If the earlier sets are anything like these, I'm totally getting 1-4 for my daughter. When my son was just starting to read, he was just "eh" about the Bob books. We tried some easy readers, but I wasn't all that wild about the content or sight word usage in many of these (Little Bear and Frog and Toad being two notable exceptions. Those stories were ).

I also think it's a good idea to get eyes checked by a developmental optometrist. Make sure to get a full exam. Not just acuity and general eye health, but also ocular-motor function and visual processing.

[craft_media_hero]

wow, thanks, yllek!

[scheelimama]

Originally Posted by edytais

I have to disagree with the previous responders. I think there is too much pressure sometimes on kids to read at certain age without the regard of when they are actually ready. US tends to be on the young side when it comes to starting the reading instruction, yet when you look at USA's ranking in the literacy....it's hmmm embarrassing. I used to fall into that trap... other kids at this age are reading and mine isn't etc etc. I would come home and do the lessons etc.. Luckily, my dh would remind me why we homeschool and how we got educated in Europe (didn't start school until we were 7yo!) and I did calculus in 9th grade (as did my whole class!) and I wasn't forced to read before that.
So, I tried not to get peer pressured into forcing some reading lessons at my dd7. Last week, I got some books at a library written by James Marshall "Fox Outfoxed" and a few other "foxy" stories. I just couldn't believe my ears. These stories really triggered my dd7 to want to read and she read the whole book out of her own will. She did a great job. She was so excited she decided to read it again to her little brother. She got exhausted after half of it second time around so she acted out the rest of the book to him.
She is now reading all of the books by James Marshall that I can get from the library and she really picked up on the reading in the last week. I am so glad I didn't force her to go through reading lessons (did a few times, but glad I gave up).

I think it's great that you've had such a positive experience! But I completely disagree that most/all kids will just get it given enough time. Sure, some need more time than we generally give in the U.S., but some needs lots and lots and LOTS of practice to get it. It just doesn't come naturally to all children. And if your child falls into that category and you wait until 8 years old to begin any instruction, they will likely be 10 years old before they are really reading. Not that that's the end of the world, but it can be very uncomfortable and discouraging for the child in certain settings.