Any moms under unusually high stress while pregnant and how did your baby/toddler's temperment... - Page 2

[carmel23]

I look at it a little differently. There is a huge genetic component to anxiety, and anxiety disorders. Anxiety is very prevalent, something like 1 in 10 children experiences anxiety that could be treated (the child could benefit from treatment). Are people with anxiety disorders more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol? Probably, if they self medicate/self treat. Sure.

So it isn't that maternal stress is causing the baby to experience stress, but rather a genetic factor. Anxious parents may also create an environment that leads to anxious behaviors in their children.

I had a very stressful job through my first two pregnancies. My oldest wasn't a fussy baby, but is and always has been very, very intense. Same job, same stress, second child was not fussy, has an intensity to his personality, but nothing like his big brother--he is more easy going.

I was in grad school for my next pregnancy (which was stressful, but not as bad as the job), and my daughter is a firecracker, had food allergies that created some colicy behavior, but once we eliminated those foods she was a great, happy, mellow baby.

:

I think I just stress my kids out, like my mother stressed me out :

[boobs4milk]

my last 2 pregnancies were very stressful. i had 15 wks bedrest for both and the last i spent almost 6 wks in the hospital. i had to take lots of meds to keep pg and had a very medically intese pregnancy. both dd3 and dd4 are very, very high needs/intense/challenging. i haven't slept more than an hour at a time in over a year! dd3 just started sttn some and she's almost 5.

[MoonStarFalling]

I've always believed that the stress I was under could have effected DS. I had an anxiety disorder, a stressful job and was in intense pain the entire pregnancy. He nursed constantly, screamed if he was out of your arms. He is 8.5 now and still very high needs, emotionally intense, strong willed.

With DD I was super calm, she's a calm joyful child. Totally different.

[4myfinn]

I was extremely stressed and anxious through my whole pregnancy. I conceived through IVF after years and years of trying, so I worried constantly while pregnant. I was too anxious to even keep a journal while pregnant, because I thought it would in some way jinx the pregnancy. My mom died when I was 11.5 weeks along, so that added a whole different emotional element to my worries. Still, though, I enjoyed being pregnant.

My DS (12.5 mo) is very high needs and fussy and has been from Day 1. I hope things mellow out soon.

[Breathless Wonder]

Originally Posted by lkmiscnet

There is a good Time magazine cover story this week (great B&W cover photo of a fully pregnant, nude woman 10 days before giving birth) on how the 40 wks in the womb can shape not only your personality but your chances of getting future disease. It also addressed maternal stress and the adverse impact on your child. Very compelling...

Can I just say that when I saw the cover of Time this week, it stressed me out? It's bad enough to be stressed. It sucks to then be stressed ABOUT being stressed.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by lkmiscnet

I'm just curious because there are studies that indicate that babies exposed to extraordinary maternal stress during pregnancy have tendencies to be fussier babies and to not deal well with change due to their exposure to maternal stress hormones. Their nervous systems/hard wiring actually can be permanently altered.

I was under significant stress while pregnant and DS is now 16 mo old and has been a super fussy baby. He cried a lot as an infant and is still easily set off. He is super sensitive and what I would term a "high needs " baby. He doesn't adapt well to new situations and tends to be very timid around people. He has not been an "easy" baby, that's for sure.

There is a good Time magazine cover story this week (great B&W cover photo of a fully pregnant, nude woman 10 days before giving birth) on how the 40 wks in the womb can shape not only your personality but your chances of getting future disease. It also addressed maternal stress and the adverse impact on your child. Very compelling...

So, I'm doing my own unscientific survey out of curiousity to see how many kid's subjected to unusually high stress in utero turn out to be high needs, fussy children.

What's your story?

My story is that my first baby died 4 days after birth due to a cord accident.

My husband took a job that required him to be in another city 5 hours away. I prepped our house for sale and put it on the market pretty much on my own, while working. Sold the house in Nov, got pregnant somewhere in there. Packed up and moved in an ice storm Dec 23. Had the worst, saddest Xmas ever.

I spent the pregnancy terrified, travelling from Ottawa to Toronto to work, sick, alone, and miserable. I didn't gain much weight. My DH and I had some arguments. We were both stressed out that and grieving. We bought a house, had closing issues, moved in. My work went through a management change in my third trimester and I had to work like a crazy person.

Finally I gave birth 5 weeks early - to the calmest sweetest little guy. He's sensitive but not fussy, didn't have colic, wasn't a great sleeper but wasn't a crier. He's a little anxious in that he plans things but not overly so - he's pretty secure.

So...yeah. I take it with a grain of salt.

[j_p_i]

This is an interesting post. I was under significant and long-lasting stress while pregnant (long story... the short version is I was in the military deployed w/ my husband, got pregnant, came back, got in trouble, fought getting in trouble and had to go through months and months of waiting for them to clear me of that and to get out of the military. Blah).

DD (16 months) can be quite demanding and always has been, requires a lot of attention and is very determined. She slept on me 100% of the time as an infant, I couldn't put her down. I don't really consider her high-needs, although based on some things I've read I do think she could be included in that category. I think the biggest link I've made between my stress and possibly hers is that she seems to become quite anxious at times (around people she doesn't know, etc) and can be difficult to calm. DH has made the connection between my stress level and DD's neediness/energy level (for lack of a better term), though at the same time she is very sweet, super intelligent, and I do think all of her attributes that have been tough and exhausting as a baby/toddler will be great attributes as an adult

[donutmolly]

This is such an interesting thread. I was so worried about creating a high needs/stressed baby because I was so stressed during my pregnancy with my 3rd baby. It was literally the worst time in my life: my husband, a pastor, had a false allegation made against him which was potentially career/life destroying. The people investigating him had already decided he was guilty before we even heard about the allegations. My husband was so stressed, he ended up hospitalized during an otherwise normal bout with the stomach flu. I could barely keep myself together and ate mostly fruit loops for months. And in the end, the baby wasn't born until 42 weeks (after I had both my older DD's within days of their EDD.)

And the result: DD3 is the most relaxed, easy-going of my 3 daughters.

DD1 was my very high needs baby; she definitely takes after Dh in her personality, and had my sister's milk allergy, which made for a hellish first year... but now, at 5 yo, she is wonderful, if high energy. My pregnancy with DD1 was not stress-free, but certainly nothing compared to my pregnancy with DD3.

[lkmiscnet]

I'm the OP.

Wow! Such incredible, amazing stories. I feel like my situation pales in comparison to the stories of all of you resilient super women.

I was put on bedrest at the beginning of month 5 due to poor umbilical artery flow and had to get weekly ultrasounds and twice a week fetal monitoring. I was able to work from home however on my laptop, which was pretty low stress.

However, my DH was working in another state and only flew in monthly for 4-5 days, so that made the bedrest difficult. I had no choice but to go to the grocery store to buy food while on bedrest and to make my own meals.

The event that tipped me over emotionally was having my job eliminated, while on bedrest and working from home (done over the phone), which ended my 12 year career with an organization. That was a huge blow to my ego and I cried daily for 6 weeks and had nightmares. At the last u/s, I was then told that my DS was not growing and they wanted to induce me that day. I insisted that they wait for DH to fly home and bought my DS another 4 days, which in the end, turned out to be every bit of what he needed. He was born just after 35 wks. Turns out, he should not have been induced and was just a small baby. Nonetheless, he needed to spend 3 weeks in the NICU.

In any event, I felt that the 6 weeks of daily crying and lack of sleep and not eating well had to have some detrimental affect on our DS while in the second trimester, which I have also read is a critical trimester. He was basically taking a bath in cortisol and other maternal stress hormones. I found it interesting (and sad) to find out about the impact of maternal stress and how that may have impacted DS for the rest of his life.

The genetic component is that I am a high stress personality myself and so that has likely resulted in a double whammy for our DS.

I know there was nothing I could have done differently to control my emotions while I went through my situation (I'm human), but I do have some negative feelings toward the organization/individuals responsible for terminating me and how that could have adversely impacted my innocent little DS, in theory, for life. It was such a callous act to do to me while I was on bedrest with a high risk pregnancy. How inhumane...And the kicker is that I could have gone on short term disability, but I didn't want to leave my company high and dry, so I opted to try working from home, and got screwed by them in the end. Ironic. I think that's the part of it that really gets me.

Well, all's well that ends well. I've been able to stay home with our DS, so that was the silver lining in all of it. I just hope to be able to continue learning how to cope with our DS' sensitive and intense personality and to help him thrive. We've had ongoing challenges since he was born. Let the nurturing continue!

Thank you for sharing your incredible stories. Some made my jaw drop. You are all simply amazing!

[Baby_Cakes]

My FT job was very stressful for me when I was pg w/DD. I was often overwhelmed and was put on mat leave early b/c of possible PTL. DD was a very fussy baby, a horrible sleeper, and even now at 2 is a spirited little thing. I think there's a lot to say for the connection.

I'm looking fwd to cooking my next baby, when we do conceive, b/c I have a different job now working in a nice relaxing day spa, and I stay home during the week! Hopefully baby #2 is more mellow!

[Halfasianmomma]

Reading the responses to this thread has been very interesting considering my personal experience.

My pregnancy was somewhat unplanned, and throughout, I lived in a constant state of stress. I was married to an abusive alcoholic who lost his job when I was a few months preggo. I found myself working FT supporting myself, him and his son. We were out of money all the time (he drank it down), he drank away out rent, I was receiving milk and grocery coupons from my social worker, while searching for a job for then-H, while trying to keep it together emotionally. I was constantly at the hospital for "no fetal movement" that just turned out to be a VERY chill baby. In fact, she was so chill that she had to be coaxed out at 42 weeks.

After birth, DD didn't cry. At all. The first time she cried, she was 2 months old and it scared the crap out of me. After that, she was just always such a happy baby. Once we got the hang of nursing, she ate like a champ, got fat, slept moderately well, almost never fussed...I kept wondering what I'd done to deserve such an easy-going baby, when my good friends were all going NUTS with their HN babies.

As a toddler, DD certainly is a challenge. She's confrontational and tantrums and is exhausting...but I think that's just the usual toddler stuff. Overall, I shouldn't complain: she eats A LOT, sleep steadily from 8 to 6 every night, and has an awesome sense of humour.

Sooooo, either the kind of stress I dealt with wasn't "enough" to change DD, or either the hypothesis is bunk

[Belia]

Haven't read the responses and I know this thread is a little old, but.....

I had a pretty stressful pregnancy. I struggle with depression and anxiety anyway, and have been on meds and in therapy for years. I started throwing up with "morning" sickness at 6 weeks exactly... and pretty much never stopped. I was dx with hyperemesis and ended up losing 35 lbs by the end of the pregnancy. I had to take FMLA from work.

I also developed a severe blood clot in my leg and had to give myself daily injections of blood thinners. Did I mention that I have a phobia of needles? Yeahhhhh....

Between those 2 things I seriously contemplated terminating the pregnancy.

The WONDERFUL midwife practice I was going to was bought out in a hostile takeover when I was 32 weeks, so I had to scramble to find a new caregiver.

I went into PTL at about that same time (gee, wonder why) and had to go o modified bed rest.

Finally, my water broke when I was 35 weeks, no labor started, and I had to be induced. I had only had 1 or 2 appointments at my new practice, and I hadn't even taken the tour at my new hospital yet. It was unbelievable.

And......

DS is the sweetest, calmest, most laid back little guy I have ever met. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's TWO, tears are a daily occurrence in my house. But when he was born he came out so mellow! In the pictures of him and my mom 45 minutes after he was born his eyes are wide open and he has a little smile and he looks 3 months old. He nursed like a champ, even though he spent 5 days in the NICU due to a small lung problem and jaundice. Sleep has been mostly fine as well.

Between my depression and anxiety, DH's ADHD, and my awful pregnancy, I was quite afraid of how DS would turn out. But he has been a dream. I've said since he was about 2 months that I would have a baby tomorrow if I didn't have to be pregnant to do it.

GL!