Homebirthers - What did you do with DC#1 while having DC#2?

[CinCanada]

Similar question to the other thread - just wondering about home birthers specifically when it's not an option to have someone help care for your LO in your own home.

My DD will be 33mos when DC#2 is born & I'm planning for a homebirth. I was just curious what others have done with their LO's while labouring & giving birth. Had I planned a hospital birth, DH's parents (who live 1.5hrs away) could easily look after DD in our home but I'm just not comfortable having any extra ppl in my house even if they stay downstairs. I have neighbours that she might hang out with if I was labouring in the afternoon but she's never spent the night without me so I have no idea what I'd do if my labour went from the afternoon through into bedtime...
Oh & my mom lives about 45 mins away but she drives me bonkers & is VERY clingy so I may not even tell her I'm in labour until I'm pushing...

I have lots of time to prepare I suppose but she's still night nursing & co-sleeping so I don't really want to start sending her to her grandparents overnight just to get her used to it. kwim?

[desamom]

I am due any day so haven't had to deal with this scenario yet, but I can tell you the plan. My DD is almost 30 months old, but she no longer nurses or cosleeps (happily moved into her own bed about a month ago much to my horror! ha ha). DD has never spent the night away from us because I am not comfortable with that. However, I am also not comfortable having her at the birth.

Plan #1: My mom lives 10 minutes away, and until recently was out of town. Now that she is back, she will come and get DD and take her to her house. She will bring DD back as soon as the baby is born and we will all settle back into family life in our home. If I end up transferring to the hospital (or it's nighttime, etc.), then DD will have to stay with my mom. Not really much I can do about that. I trust that my mom will make sure my DD is comfortable and will probably have her sleep in the room with her or even in the bed.

Plan #2: My in-laws lives two hours away and if my mom was not available, they would have come here ASAP when we called them and taken DD and stayed in a hotel. I was not/am not comfortable with them taking DD back to their house with them (which is what they would prefer). Then once the baby is out, they would bring her back to us ASAP.

[zjande]

(I'm not pregnant, just lurking ....)

I think it depends on how much you need your dh during birth. If you feel confident laboring, knowing that your dh may have to focus on your dd at times, then I'd just do that. You never know, you may deliver at night while dd sleeps through the whole thing! But if that idea fills you with fear or doubt, then I'd say look into some kind of sitter. Personally, I enjoy laboring mostly alone, with some visits from my dh now & again until the actual delivery. He takes care of the youngers while I labor away.

[Aliy]

not sure hwo this is going to work but the children will stay home my boys will be 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 dh will be with them if needed I will have a doula and depending on when lil one decides to make her apperance my grandma maybe in town to help out with the kids.

I have had early morning babies both times so i'm hoping it'll be another night labour with this one. If i get transfered I should have some ladies who have said they are willing to come help with the boys

[mojobot2000]

I have a 20-month-old and am planning a homebirth. (I'm due end of October). I've thought about this a lot--we don't have family nearby, and while we do have friends and neighbors, my daughter isn't used to being left with others without me, so I'd like to avoid that if possible. If I go into labor during the day, she will have a play date with a neighborhood friend. If labor continues into her bedtime--worst case scenario--she will have a sleep-over. The neighbor has a child a few months younger than DD, with a similar bedtime routine, so I imagine this will make things a bit more comfortable. Our apartment is too small for her to come home and have my husband put her to bed if I'm in full-blown labor. Bedtime away from home would definitely be a bit traumatic for her, but I think less so than having her come home while I'm in the thick of giving birth.

Best-case scenario, I'll go into labor at night and the baby will be born before she wakes up! She's a sound sleeper, so I don't think my yowls will disturb her. When she was born, I had my first contraction around midnight and she was out at 3:00 AM, so I'm really hoping for a similar scenario.

[raelize]

one of the great things about a hb is that you get to keep your kids with you and you don't have to worry about them being upset that you left them. it is hard enough that they will have to share you with a new sibling. have you considered having a doula to either (1) take care of you exclusively so dh can take care of dd after a playdate, or (2) have doula exclusively take care of dd after playdate. i think the playdate is a great idea, but they know something is up and usually start wondering what is going on that they aren't seeing you.
my dad came and played with dd1. i was fine with her and dh adn my mom for about the first 3 hours or so, but after that i needed to be ALONE. so my dad came over and they played outside and then watched TV. i only had a 5 hour labor, so it wasn't a big deal. also,i don't need/want anyone around me when i am in labor, so i know that personally i was fine with dh taking care of her for a long time while i was in labor
also- make a sibling present from the baby to the big sister/brother.
i found that i was able to be around her and hang out for a long time before it go t hairy, so when i have my third (not for awhile) i plan on a similar scenario

[thtr4me]

We are due in January and DS is 4 1/2. We asked him who he wanted to come take care of him while mama was having the baby. He asked for his grandma to come (my MIL), so that is who will take care of him. I cannot say I totally love the idea of having them there, as it could make things a little awkward if I end up being a naked birther, but they are wonderful wonderful people, and I am honored that although they totally disagree with homebirth, they have agreed to come and be a part of the process and offer all the support that they can.

[clutterbug]

deleted for privacy reasons :)

Edited by clutterbug - 7/13/11 at 2:19pm

[WetMntMomma]

I am having some of the same concerns as the other moms, a few thoughts to share for the moms who's children have never been away overnight. When my daughter was 26 months old my brother died unexpectedly. My partner was working full time during the day plus part time late nights so she was going to have to sleep at her grandparents a few nights while I was gone. Granted, she had been sleeping in her bed and had weaned herself 2 months prior, so she was a little more independent from me, but she had NEVER fallen asleep anywhere other than the car or at home. She just never napped or crashed if we were visiting else where. Needless to say it was with a worried heart I boarded the plane for a 5 day trip. I was so happy to hear that she did wonderfully! Never did she melt down for Mommy, she fell asleep on the couch at her regular bedtime, and it allowed me to have the space to grieve and help my family. I believe we have to give them the opportunity to rise to the occasion and show us that they can take care of themselves a little.

We are planning a HB with this baby, and unless my labor coincides with the work schedule of relatives, we are on our own as far as child care. I asked my midwife if she had an assistant who attends and she said that was my choice. I feel based on my first labor, which was med free in the hospital, that I can let my partner attend to our daughter while I labor. The midwife can help me to the toilet or remind me to drink, and I trust in my daughter's instincts to tell her what I need from her. I want her to be a part of this as we are all members of this family.

Happy laboring! I hope we all have a beautiful birth!