when 3yo begs for new toy...what to do?

[Oliver'sMom]

nak

my ds has been literally crying almost non stop for over two days now.

it all started when he spotted this at our local toy store.

i agree it's an awesome toy, but i just can't buy something like that simply because my child has cried for it. i don't have the money and i don't want to reinforce this behavior.

i've tried redirecting, talking about how we could perhaps get that for christmas after we've saved enough money. i've told him we're not talking about it anymore and that if he can't stop crying for it he needs to go to his room until he's calmed down and can play/think about something else. he's in his bedroom now screaming "airplane!!!".

i thought that today we could start out fresh, but at 6am he was frantically jumping up and down yelling "we have to go to the store and get that airplane!"

he's been fixating on things like this a lot lately. before the airplane, he was obsessed with going over to the neighbor's house to drive their monster truck power wheel

our poor neighbors. anytime they said that they weren't able to play, ds would break out in full hysterics.

so what do I do??? please help us to move on!!

[mamazee]

Two things that have worked for us:

She might be at a good age to start a small allowance, which she can save up until she can afford to get something like that.

And, we keep a list of things that my older dd would like at some point, so when there's something she sees she wants, we say, "Oh, that should go on your list." Then, when there's a birthday or something, I look at the list, and she also goes off it when she's saved up allowance money. It seems like taking an action toward getting something she wants, even if it's just writing it down on a list, helps her.

[Minxie]

Could you teach him about setting goals and saving? He's still very young but you could do a sticker chart and tell him when all the spaces are full, you will have enough money to buy the airplane. Then assign him tasks for the spaces like putting away toys or "helping" with the laundry. It might make him feel better to be able to work towards it.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

UMMMM, ok OP. Do we have the same child? Because my kid is an absolute dead ringer for both those situations. Thankfully, the kid with the "John Deer Gator" lives accross the street from my mom, so hes not reminded of it every day. But when he first rode that thing, holy hades!

Then the toy? Ours was the "big Buzz Lightyear" at Target. yea, the thing is 130! But I told him perhaps he would get one for his birthday. This was about 3 weeks ago. It was atleast 2 days of more torture after that. Now he just mentions it occassioanlly. He tells me, mama, what about a REAL Buzz Lightyear? So i just keep mentioning his birthday and redirecting.

Now much advice, just commiseration for what your going through.

[nextcommercial]

well, the airplane, I can understand. He doesn't understand money, so I think I'd just say "We can't spend $60 on a toy, but it could go on your Christmas list". Then, I'd make sure he got it for Christmas.

Eventually, he will learn that he doesn't have to have EVERYTHING as soon as he wants it. He wants instant gratification, and hasn't learned that it's not always going to happen.

I would avoid toy stores for a little while, since you know he's going to obsess over toys. Pretty soon, all the toy catalogs will be coming in the mail, and he can collect all of those and look at them until they fall apart. I loved the sears and Jc penney toy catalog as a kid. We'd spend hours looking at them.

What ever his new obsession becomes, just try to avoid it, or find a way to make sure he knows that "Yes, he can probably have it at Christmas, or birthday, or whatever, but not today."

Can you just imagine what he's going to be like when he grows up and wants a new car??? LMBO! I keep picturing those Toyota commercials where he runs down to Toyota in his boxer shorts.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

well, the airplane, I can understand. He doesn't understand money, so I think I'd just say "We can't spend $60 on a toy, but it could go on your Christmas list". Then, I'd make sure he got it for Christmas.

Forgot to mention that this is exactly what I did. I kept telling him maybe he'll get it for his birthday, and I went out and got him the $50 one (OUCH!) I doubt he will remember the other one. If he does, I will be totally shocked.

FYI, his birthday is today, so we'll see how his reaction goes tonight after work/school.

[Tjej]

nevermind

Tjej

[mnj77]

DH set DD up with youtube one day and she somehow navigated her way to a collection of commercials for dolls in various languages. She became obsessed with one she calls "Princess Slata" which is a doll with a reindeer sleigh in Norwegian or something! For a while it was all she talked about, but I haven't heard about it for a while, which is good because we would probably have to pay $200 in shipping to get it!

I always say "put it on the list" although we don't have an official written list.

[Oliver'sMom]

thanks for all the feedback!

when we told ds that he could have the airplane for christmas or his birthday, but not today...he burst into tears and said "it's barely fall now and I'd have to wait until winter??!!!" his birthday is in february.

I really like the idea of setting a goal and working towards it. He doesn't understand(and I totally don't expect him to yet) that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it. He'll often say in response to us saying we can't buy/do something, "but I want to!!"

i think if he continues to bring it up i'll talk about a goal chart or something like that.

thanks again!!

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

thanks for all the feedback!

when we told ds that he could have the airplane for christmas or his birthday, but not today...he burst into tears and said "it's barely fall now and I'd have to wait until winter??!!!" his birthday is in february.

I really like the idea of setting a goal and working towards it. He doesn't understand(and I totally don't expect him to yet) that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it. He'll often say in response to us saying we can't buy/do something, "but I want to!!"

i think if he continues to bring it up i'll talk about a goal chart or something like that.

thanks again!!

If he understands this, I bet he could understand money if you taught him about it.
If

[MamieCole]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

thanks for all the feedback!

when we told ds that he could have the airplane for christmas or his birthday, but not today...he burst into tears and said "it's barely fall now and I'd have to wait until winter??!!!" his birthday is in february.

I really like the idea of setting a goal and working towards it. He doesn't understand(and I totally don't expect him to yet) that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it. He'll often say in response to us saying we can't buy/do something, "but I want to!!"

i think if he continues to bring it up i'll talk about a goal chart or something like that.

thanks again!!

I'd take the opportunity to explain to him that while I understand how much he wants it, (it's a fun looking toy, maybe we can get it later, etc) that sometimes there are reasons we can't have what we want right when we want it. Then give him two other options of things to take his mind off of it: "Now, would you like to do some painting or play chase in the yard w/Mommy?"

Often I find that when my DS is fixating on an outside "thing" for happiness, it is when I've been super busy/preoccupied or our lives have been hectic. What he is really craving is my time and attention, but he isn't mature enough to say "Hey Mom, I'm feeling a little sad and overwhelmed and could really use some bonding time with you." Instead, he fixates on the cupcake/toy and how he needs it NOW!

I'm not saying you are neglecting his feelings at all, it sounds like quite the opposite. I'm just pointing out what I've learned through trial and error for me/my kid. It was a tidbit that I wish someone had shared w/me during the ages of 2-3.

[Oliver'sMom]

Originally Posted by MamieCole

I'd take the opportunity to explain to him that while I understand how much he wants it, (it's a fun looking toy, maybe we can get it later, etc) that sometimes there are reasons we can't have what we want right when we want it. Then give him two other options of things to take his mind off of it: "Now, would you like to do some painting or play chase in the yard w/Mommy?"

Often I find that when my DS is fixating on an outside "thing" for happiness, it is when I've been super busy/preoccupied or our lives have been hectic. What he is really craving is my time and attention, but he isn't mature enough to say "Hey Mom, I'm feeling a little sad and overwhelmed and could really use some bonding time with you." Instead, he fixates on the cupcake/toy and how he needs it NOW!

I'm not saying you are neglecting his feelings at all, it sounds like quite the opposite. I'm just pointing out what I've learned through trial and error for me/my kid. It was a tidbit that I wish someone had shared w/me during the ages of 2-3.

wow, this makes A LOT of sense. thank you!

needless to say with a 9 week old baby things around here have been a bit hectic and my attention has most certainly been divided.

ds definately needs more quality time with me and I'm struggling everyday to try to fulfil that need. this could easily be a whole other post

when ds fixates on these things, i have offered to play a game with him or go outside for a walk etc...he's willing as long as I'm not holding the baby, nursing, or doing anything baby related....sigh

i'll keep trying though!

[MamieCole]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

wow, this makes A LOT of sense. thank you!

needless to say with a 9 week old baby things around here have been a bit hectic and my attention has most certainly been divided.

ds definately needs more quality time with me and I'm struggling everyday to try to fulfil that need. this could easily be a whole other post

when ds fixates on these things, i have offered to play a game with him or go outside for a walk etc...he's willing as long as I'm not holding the baby, nursing, or doing anything baby related....sigh

i'll keep trying though!

Hang in there. It does get easier as the baby gets older. For my older DS, I found that it doesn't take a ton of uninterrupted time w/me alone (sans lil bro), about 30 minutes or so per day, for him to act more like himself and less like the whining, cranky, crabby patty he can be when I skip that one-on-one time. It isn't a magic cure, but it helps.

[Anastasiya]

You could tell him that the plane is so big and clumsy that even another Momma's six year old can't barely manage to carry it around without losing the wings or the tail or running into other people in the home. But that probably won't make him feel better.

Honestly, when my kids do that, I just tell them No. That they cannot have everything they want. That Momma can't have everything she wants, etc. And I tell them some things I'd really LOVE to have. And then when we're done I tell them if they want, I can write it down for a Christmas or birthday gift idea and in the meantime, let's do something else fun!

[MisaGoat]

I think reminding him he could get it for Christmas or birthday is a good answer and trying to help him adjust to a new baby. You're doing the right thing, he has to learn that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it. That is a tough lesson to learn, even as adults it is hard to do and accept.

My son wanted a 'real woody' from Toy Story for months. My husband took him to see Toy Story 3 and got him a small woody and my son didn't want it because it didn't have the pull string so my husband returned the small one. Three months later for his 4th birthday he finally got a 'real woody' with the pull string. Yes, we talked about it a lot in those three months but I think he understood.

[Marsupialmom]

I agree with the list and earning up for it. These are hard lessons to learn but it is worth it for you in the long run.

[ameliabedelia]

I would tell him "no" to the airplane. Try to spend more time with him. And, in a day or so surprise him with a very small toy. Something he didn't ask for but you know he will like. Tell him you got him a present just because you love him and he is so special. Don't tie it into the airplane (like, we can't you that big airplane, but we can get you this little car)...I wouldn't even mention the airplane at all. The reason I suggest getting him a small gift "just because" is that some people's "love language" is gifts. And, he may be looking for the toy, not so much that he wants THAT gift, but that getting a gift makes him feel loved and with the new baby he may be looking for reassurance that he is still loved.

I still remember the most meaningful gift I ever got. It was when I was around 13 or so, my mom got me a little, metal horse keychain. It wasn't my birthday or Christmas or anything and I'm sure it certainly wasn't expensive. She just got it for me because she knew I would love it (I was really into horses). That gift probably still means the most to me, out of all the gifts I've gotten (and I've gotten better, more useful gift, like a GPS and a Scooba), but *that* gift, given for "no reason at all" still meant the world to me just because it was given "for no reason at all other than my mom knew I would love it).

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom

i've tried redirecting, talking about how we could perhaps get that for christmas after we've saved enough money. i've told him we're not talking about it anymore and that if he can't stop crying for it he needs to go to his room until he's calmed down and can play/think about something else. he's in his bedroom now screaming "airplane!!!".

Have you tried empathizing and reflecting his feelings? I've found that often when my three year old gets "stuck" on something, it seems to be because he needs to know that I really, truly, do understand what a big deal it is. Doesn't mean I can change it, obviously, but sometimes just getting down there with him and letting him know that I understand how incredibly tragic it is that the wheel came off his truck and can't be fixed, etc. Just a thought!

[lach]

DD wants pretty much everything, and is obsessed with a few things. I always say "Wow, that is really neat! We'll make sure to ask Santa for it." Then every once and a while I mention how Santa can't bring everything we want.

I don't know, I think this is the sort of thing that the more you try to explain, the more they can find holes in the logic and the more they don't understand. I just try to make the no explanation as simple as possible.

[Latte Mama]

Oh boy, this is SO going to be my DS is another year! He already gets obsessive about things he wants rightnow.