Getting angry with those that "Don't Get it" - Page 2

[Emmeline II]

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Edited by Emmeline II - 11/16/10 at 1:35pm

[BeantownBaby9]

thanks girls for all the supportive words and suggestions. This woman is essentially my aunt, we see them about 10x a year for birthdays, holidays, what have you. Here's the email I wrote but I haven't sent it yet...

I just wanted to talk to you about yesterday. My feelings got very hurt when you adamantly said "Chase is just like any other kid". I know on the outside, especially the rare occasions when you see him, there's nothing really that stands out. But his doctors and therapist and Phil and I live and breathe a side of Chase you may never see. Night Terrors, freaking out when things touch him, meltdown to the point of vomit and seizure like behavior in the car seat. He takes 10 different meds a day, still has gut issues, and is still allergic to a lot. I don't know how that translates to "every other kid", but you saying that, for me, de-legitimizes all the hard work, time, effort, sleeplessness, and money gone into healing him. It also delegitimizes the pain or stress we see Chase live though. Maybe if you were a stranger, I could just brush it off, but from family that are going to be close to him for the next 20 years or so, its very hard to have a lack of support or understanding. Just imagine if someone walked up to you in Craig's first months of life, and said "he's just like every other kid", knowing the hell you went through with his gastric surgeries. Accepting Chase for the beautiful kid that he is, but acknowledging he's got some issues that present hurdles for us, is all I ask.

I had another run in with a friend this weekend, another he's fine, we all have quirks, and this from probably my closest mommy friend, the one who just gets everything. I am just getting the feeling my island is getting smaller and smaller.....I felt very lonely and sorry for Chase yesterday that not many besides me and Phil will ever understand his world.

[monocyte]

I hear you --- I do.

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

At the risk of being one of "those" people, has he read about the study showing that the brains of those with ADHD differ from those without?


Anyone who thinks it is "fiction" should ask ds' teachers (all K unmedicated, and 1st grade, medicated from the start but I forgot to give it to him once and his teacher said he was a different child) what ds is like unmediated.

No, he hasn't, and i doubt he will. Likely won't. But ITA about what yours was like in the classroom sans meds-- my guy will see, sometime. It might be hell for my ds in the meanwhile, but my man will figure it out, once he sees ds on meds and not on meds.
Plus he knows he and I are both ADD, though undiagnosed-- what's the dang difference adding the H?

not hijacking the thread...we now return to our regularly scheduled program

[SilverLace]

Just wanted to chime in to say I think that's a great email.

I get being angry (in our case it's just or parenting that is suspect... not the diagnoses)... anyway... I think it is great to say how it feels and be really clear. Now it is up to your family member. If she keeps it up after this then I would have to put her on ignore and keep her there.

[SpottedFoxx]

Email is wonderful! Great job!

Maybe you need to find a new circle. Last night we went to a birthday party for one of the children in my son's class (he's in a special education classroom). It was so great to, first, be in a home where I knew DS was safe and accepted and, second, to hang out with parents who get it. All our kids were different. Ranging from children with autism, to CP, to CAPD, etc. It felt good not to see other children getting frustrated with my son's poor articulation. Stick with the friends who get it, distance yourself from the ones who don't and add some new, quality folks to your circle.

Keep fighting the good fight!

[DBZ]

Take the woman for a ride with your son.

FWIW, one of my kids is sensory sensative. She couldn't handle the feeling of the car seat. Once I covered it with a sheet she liked, it helped a lot.

[nayma]

i think your email is really fabulous. it's honest, simple, clear, and non-accusatory. without even knowing you or your son, i feel like reading this letter makes things very understandable. i hopes she gets it. i really do. when you send this, and i hope you do, you have done your part.
best of luck.

[siobhang]

my biggest issue with these sorts of comments is that they really are accusing you of bad parenting. The "there is nothing wrong with your child, it is YOU who has the problem" feeling that I think a lot of parents of SN kids get (esp. those needs that are not obvious or unfamiliar).

For example, my oldest has aspergers as well as hypoglycemia and anxiety. I have been told by many well meaning people that if only we did x or y, his behavior would improve (x and y being usually spanking or some other harsh punitive action).

I just want to tell them "Ya know, people, if it were that easy, don't ya think we would have figured that out by now?"

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by siobhang

I just want to tell them "Ya know, people, if it were that easy, don't ya think we would have figured that out by now?"

Excellent response .