Coed sports - would you address this?

[amcal]

My 8.5 yo DD loves basketball. She's played for three years.

The coaches say she's good. She's assertive, she gets in there, plays tough, runs etc.....

The problem is that typically, there are many more boys than girls and we've found that the boys will generally only pass to other boys. DD can be the only one open and they'll pass to a boy who isn't open rether than pass to her. A boy can be inbounding the ball and she can be standing right there ready to accept the ball and the boys will pass it to another boy less open.

In the past, it was so over the top blantant that the girls were being excluded that I did address it with the coach. But now, I just don't know what to do. She shouldn't always get the ball just because she's a girl but, this last game, she didn't get to touch the ball one time despite being in the game for 3 quarters.

I watch her get open, jump with her arms up yelling that she's open and nothing. No balls ever come her way. She told me after the game that she knows it's because she's a girl. It's very frustrating for her.

I don't want to tell the coach how to coach but I'm not sure if this is something to address or to encourage DD to just keep hanging in there.

[4evermom]

Sure. I'd just mention you are noticing no one passes the ball to your dd when she is open and ask what's up with that.

[ramama]

Oooh, that's a tough one! Is your DD assertive enough off-the-court to bring it up to the coach herself? This might be a good occasion for her to, with your assistance/support/presence, address this issue herself. Do you think the coach would be sensitive enough to the issue that he/she can say "Let's practice finding a player who is actually open" rather than "throw the ball to the girls once in a while."

[amcal]

Ramama - that's exactly what I want to avoid. When I addressed it before, the boys would just begrudgingly throw the ball to the girls because they "had to". They wouldn't wait until they were open. They'd just throw them a half hearted pass and then get mad when the girls didn't some how turn the lame pass into a magical play or basket.

[ollyoxenfree]

DD played co-ed sports: hockey from age 5 to 12 and baseball for one summer when she was about 9 or 10.

Hockey was never a problem. I have a few theories. They start younger, before the gender divide becomes an issue. In hockey gear, it's harder to spot who is a girl and who is a boy. On the ice, if you don't pass and a team mate is in the clear, everyone is going to be on your case. For whatever reasons, the coaches were always encouraging and less biased about boys and girls, and emphasized team play.

Baseball was a disaster. It was horrible. The boys refused to warm up with girls. The coaches tolerated the discrimination. There was no good solution for DD. She finished the season, but has never played again.

If the coach is tolerating this kind of play, then s/he isn't coaching well. Coaches don't like criticism though, especially about how much one child is playing. If other girls are being passed up and ignored too, it would help your case. Could you videotape a game and offer it up for some play-by-play analysis of passing and team play? Does the league offer workshops about avoiding gender discrimination and encouraging equal play?

[amcal]

This is just an 8 week church league. And, her coach is a woman.

The problem is that there are only 2 girls on the team and the other girl is rarely there so, DD is it.

[ollyoxenfree]

I hate to say it, but is there an all-girls team available? If DD was going to play baseball again, I'd look for a girls' league. When she played hockey, I regularly asked her if she wanted to switch to the girls' league. It was actually more competitive and played at higher level than her co-ed house league hockey team. The all-girls league regularly beat the competitive, high level boys' teams it played against. She was content to keep on playing co-ed though. If we were running into this kind of grief, I think I would have pulled her and put her in a girls' league.

Honestly, if she's loves to play and this is discouraging her AND it's unlikely to change, I'd pull her out if there is another option.

[ollyoxenfree]

Another thought: Since this is a short season, if she wants to play again, is there any chance a few of her girlfriends will join with her next time. AND is there a possibility you could volunteer as an assistant coach? Then any suggestions you have carry some inside authority.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by ramama

Oooh, that's a tough one! Is your DD assertive enough off-the-court to bring it up to the coach herself? This might be a good occasion for her to, with your assistance/support/presence, address this issue herself. Do you think the coach would be sensitive enough to the issue that he/she can say "Let's practice finding a player who is actually open" rather than "throw the ball to the girls once in a while."

This. Make a practice run with your DD, where you are the coach, and she can role play "I don't expect to be thrown to half-heartedly because I am a girl. I expect to be thrown to because I am open." Hit her with both points.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

This. Make a practice run with your DD, where you are the coach, and she can role play "I don't expect to be thrown to half-heartedly because I am a girl. I expect to be thrown to because I am open." Hit her with both points.

Excellent suggestion. Some kids will have some difficulty doing this though. The boys still may not listen and follow through. Presumably they've already heard that they should be passing to the open player.

It occurred to me that of all the team sports, hockey encourages passing because a player is rewarded with points for an assist on a play that results in a goal, not just for scoring goals. An assist goes to the last player or 2 players who touched the puck, and set up the play that resulted in the goal.

Perhaps the coaches could incorporate this concept into the team and player statistics. If you start tracking points for assists and had some positive result after each game or at the end of the season (player recognition, an extra shift on court next game, an award at the end of the season....) then maybe you'll see some changes on court.

[pigpokey]

That is a straight up coaching problem. If a PLAYER is open and competent and not passed to the coach needs to deal with it. Typically this would be "Paul cost the team a point today because he passed to a guarded player instead of a clearly open player (or hogged the ball instead of advancing it when the option was there). Paul will sit out the next game."

[eepster]

Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree

Hockey was never a problem. I have a few theories. They start younger, before the gender divide becomes an issue. In hockey gear, it's harder to spot who is a girl and who is a boy. On the ice, if you don't pass and a team mate is in the clear, everyone is going to be on your case. For whatever reasons, the coaches were always encouraging and less biased about boys and girls, and emphasized team play.

I think there is an additional factor. Since hockey is a more expensive and less common sport, the families and coaches that get involved in it are almost guaranteed to be serious. Where as with many other sports, there are many teams that aren't really serious. In a less serious team often the coaches are experienced, the kids have played the game unsupervised often, the team is only together for short periods then new teams are formed so they aren't really bonded, etc.

[amcal]

Thank you all for your thoughts! Rather than make this a girl thing, I'm going to try to help DD address passing to open players with the coach.

We have practice on Thursday - we'll see how it goes.

[nextcommercial]

He needs to pay attention. How hard is it to say "[name] was open, you should have passed it to her. You need to look for who's open before you pass".

He could be yelling from the side "Pass it to [name]!!"

But, if he just sits there and says nothing, they will never learn that she can actually play too.

He doesn't need to go into the "The girls think it's unfair that you never pass them the ball". That isn't going to help much. But he can help by yelling from the side (as coaches are supposed to do)

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by pigpokey

That is a straight up coaching problem. If a PLAYER is open and competent and not passed to the coach needs to deal with it. Typically this would be "Paul cost the team a point today because he passed to a guarded player instead of a clearly open player (or hogged the ball instead of advancing it when the option was there). Paul will sit out the next game."

I was going for some gentle positive reinforcement, but negative reinforcement can work too. Especially when it's straight talking from the coach.

Probably a carrot-and-stick combination of both would get results.

OP, good luck to your dd.