Appropriate Boundaries for my nearly 3 y/o

[HikeMama]

My daughter will be 3 in January and nurses pretty much on demand. If I'm busy, she'll wait or if we're out shopping we won't nurse. If she asks, I refuse. It's a non-issue. As much as I don't want public stigma to influence me, being out in public and nursing my child does make me uncomfortable when there are other people around who don't expect to see what they're seeing. We have some boundaries already in place for both at home and in public, like I always need to have a comfortable place to sit- I won't hold her in my arms standing up and nurse her anymore. In public, we need to find a quiet place where there aren't crowds. She can only have one at a time in public. In public, I usually tell her when it's about time for her to have the other side and then after she's had both I tell her when it's about time that we move on. It rejuvenates her and seems to help her re-focus once she's done. I love that. I love her connecting with me. She knows other ways to connect with me but none compare. My husband has started talking about how she's a big girl now and needs to connect with mommy in other ways, especially when we're in public. He thinks she is ready for nursing to be a nap/bedtime occurrence. He's okay with it happening at home at other times too. I think being in public with us nursing makes him uncomfortable too. I think it would be helpful if we could transition her into nursing less during the day. I know that when we're out in public that might be when she needs to connect with me most, though, and I'm not sure I should be taking that away from her. If it was amicable- if I talked to her about it and she followed my lead that she can get through without nursing much during the day, would that be appropriate to limit?

[PGTlatte]

I would just tell her, "we will only nurse at home now". Let her nurse just before you go out, and as soon as you get home. If you are out for a long day, perhaps nurse once in the car. But if you are not comfortable nursing a 3 yo in public, you don't have to.

[Bald_Bull's_Mama]

I don't nurse my 2.5 year old in public anymore. I was really surprised at how easy it was to stop even though he is a hard core boob junkie. I think it had to do with me feeling firm in my decision, not waffling. Before we would leave, I would make a point to nurse at home, then tell him we would not be nursing again until we got home. If he asked in the store, I just nonchalantly said, "Mmm hmmm. We will when we get home." He went along with it. I think your attitude about it is the key, feeling confident in your choice. My husband was not at all comfortable about nursing in public, starting when DS was just over a year. I think I started to be less interested when he reached about 18 months. Make sure to take a sippy along with something super awesome to drink in case she actually is thirsty.

[swimming-duck]

I came to this point of wanting to set limits shortly after my child turned 2. I found the book "Mothering your Nursing Toddler" to be a great resource. I guess it helped me to feel okay with my decision to set limits with my son's nursing and it gave me gentle ideas for making changes.

I don't think it's terrible to set limits. I think many of us get to a point with our older nurslings where we just aren't comfortable with continuing the frequency, locations, etc...that were comfortable with an infant/young toddler. I say it's better to set the limits so that you feel happy and connected with the nursing relationship that you continue to have, instead of feeling uncomfortable, resentful, or some other such feeling.

[HikeMama]

Thanks everybody. Mothering Your Nursing Toddler is definitely the next book I'm reading. I feel good about these limits. I'm thinking I'm still comfortable in public as long as it's a more private location, too. And I think she'll go with it. Things are looking up!

[swimming-duck]

Glad to hear that things are looking up! It's worth it to make changes if it preserves the nursing relationship and helps it to remain special and beautiful!