anger help?

[karla413]

I am a nurturing attachment (and usually extremely patient/kind) parent of a "high needs" 2.5 yr old and "loves his mama" 4 month old. I am finding myself over the top angry and frustrated on a daily basis with the struggles of being home. I just started returned to working 3 days/ week . I thought the breaks would help but i'm just more overwhelmed. My husband does help a ton. My newborn nurses all night, so I know that this is sleep deprivation rearing it's angry head. (literally) I just need some reminders of how to cope.... it seems taking MORE time away from my precious ones )ie to exercise, be alone) is not what I want to do , but I probably need time to myself. I'm getting asthmatic again, and starting to have migraines. I want to throw and break things daily. Am I depressed? Do I need more help?

[staceychev]

Welcome to MDC, mama. I couldn't not respond, although I'm not sure what to tell you. It is really hard. I just went back to teaching full time, after 6 months of maternity leave. My 5 year old is in kindergarten and my house is falling down around my ears.

Of course, you could be depressed. Also, though, have you considered your diet? I find that when I get "rage-y" it can be that my diet is out of whack. It can also be thyroid issues, so see if you can get to the doctor to check that, too.

[Teenytoona]

Hey there. Well on top of sleep deprivation, as well as the demands of a toddler and newborn (I know people do, but I have no idea how anyone manages this, you're amazing, IMO), this sounds alot like PPD to me. The ragey thing is just the flip side of depression. I tend to get ragey rather than depressed, but it stems from the same thing - some of us just get angry rather than sad. Do look to your diet (wheat and gluten are really big rage enhancers for some - like me), check out the book The Mood Cure by Julia Ross and if you can, see a professional who might be able to help.

[Naturopath Mom]

Karla, sounds like you have too much going on! I was once in a very stressful place as well, I know how difficult it can be. I couldn't handle any of the pressures in my life, I thought I was loosing it!

You could have many things going on. Migraines are often linked to liver problems/congestion. Like another poster mentioned, anger is usually a cover up for some other emotions, it would be good to figure out what is really behind your anger (sadness, hurt, grief, etc). A really good remedy for anger is the flower essence Holly. It should help control your anger. Also a flower essence for your stress and maybe something for your adrenals as well. You sound very overwhelmed!

Take some time to re-evaluate what you have on your plate. Find out wha is most important, restructure and see if that helps?

Wishing you the best

Kimberly

[LittleGriff]

My heart is with you. Until I had #2, I thought all kids were like my first baby, who was/is incredibly needy of my time and energy. #2 is more of a ehn, whatever type. #1 slept with us for a year given me no more than 2-4 hours of interrupted sleep at a go during that time while I was trying to compete in a rigorous graduate program. It's exhausting and a good way to lose one's mind. I can't emphasize enough how much the sleep thing matters to my mental state. Even pre-baby, I've always worked around east coast hours on the west coast (so 4:30-5:30 a.m. start times) and I just start to lose my mind and my physical state deteriorates significantly on long periods of not enough sleep. (TMJ, constant back pain, can't exercise without springing a new injury, road rage, spontaneous anger to the point of feeling physically violent, etc) It's easy to acknowledge but difficult to correct by any means other than just making it a priority. As soon as #1 started sleeping in his own bed and my husband was able to take over night time wakings I felt like an new person. #2 never wanted to nurse at night and preferred her own bed from the get go and I never experienced the same exhaustion with her.

If you are at all possible to have your husband handle the night feedings with a bottle, you may find that might be a really good starting point, at least for a week or two so you can recoup. Perhaps more than time alone in and of itself, you mostly need time to recharge your body and mind with sleep. As a very FT working mama (55 hr work weeks) I spend every non-working moment with the kids (or sleeping : ) If I tried to fit in alone time activities it would be too hard on all, but giving up a good night of sleep would be even worse on all.

Good luck. I am so sorry! Hang in there.